Great feedback

10 Votes

Comments

Posted on Wed, 06 Aug 2014

I cannot over stress the importance of commenting on other writers' work.  The benefits aren't just the obvious ones of providing feedback and recieving reciprocal comments yourself.  The hidden benefit is that your own writing standard will...

Read full comment

Posted in Dust

4 Votes

Not at all, but you don't

Posted on Mon, 31 Aug 2015

Not at all, but you don't want repetition. In the second line you have the word "air" twice and only five words apart. The fourth line has "with every" twice, once again only a few words apart. It may seem petty but these are the things that stop...

Read full comment

Posted in Chapter 2: Gone (John)

4 Votes

Came for crying tree stayed

Posted on Mon, 17 Aug 2015

Came for crying tree stayed for hard drugs. 8/8

Welcome to the site, you can't leave.

Read full comment

Posted in Weeping Willow

4 Votes

Oh Tina, So heart wrenching, :)

Posted on Thu, 03 Apr 2014

smileyOh Tina, This is such a powerful, beautiful, well expressed poem, yet heart...

Read full comment

Posted in Today I Wrote a Poem

4 Votes

It seems that you may have

Posted on Sat, 25 Jan 2014

It seems that you may have stumbled upon a whole new form of storytelling here, by listing life's struggles through the evidential pain of the past, and as if that wasn't enough, you've exceeded all expectation by presenting an awe-inspiring...

Read full comment

Posted in Tissue Atlas

3 Votes

Bee - had to reach for my box

Posted on Mon, 14 Mar 2016

Dear Bee - had to reach for my box of tissues on reading this.  It is so very, very beautiful...almost as beautiful as those winged 'lovelies' which shall, henceforth, be my (our) pet name for those amazingly graceful creatures, others....not in...

Read full comment

Posted in A poem to Silver Spun Sand

3 Votes

Hi Pat,

Posted on Tue, 29 Sep 2015

Hi Pat,

An interesting use of flowers in this poem.  

Primrose, dandelion, celandine – courage with its head bowed, wishes in your hand and celandine's pale summer flowers.  The shift to fear of your own 'wilt' and the wake of '...

Read full comment

Posted in Shame

3 Votes

Good

Posted on Sat, 15 Aug 2015

Well if this is your first poem you've got real potential as your experience and practise grows. I really quite like this piece although romance poetry is not something that I would actively seek out.  A couple of observations if I may?

...

Read full comment

Posted in first poem not great

3 Votes

i can't understand the first

Posted on Tue, 11 Aug 2015

i can't understand the first para... there seems to be lots of typos:

Josh rubbed his three day stubble and  looked turned towards Lyn, who smiled sternly.
The kids were being noisy and the traffic was heavy.  A combination...

Read full comment

Posted in Whistle on the wynd part 1

3 Votes

I liked this a lot. The voice

Posted on Mon, 10 Aug 2015

I liked this a lot. The voice of your narrator was well-expressed. I felt like I could hear her speaking as I read. Your diction is absolutely on point and the content of the story gave me a window into her world.

 

If I were to...

Read full comment

Posted in A Little Tart

Pages