Posted on Wed, 06 Aug 2014
I cannot over stress the importance of commenting on other writers' work. The benefits aren't just the obvious ones of providing feedback and recieving reciprocal comments yourself. The hidden benefit is that your own writing standard will...Read full comment
Posted in Dust
Not at all, but you don't
Posted on Mon, 31 Aug 2015
Not at all, but you don't want repetition. In the second line you have the word "air" twice and only five words apart. The fourth line has "with every" twice, once again only a few words apart. It may seem petty but these are the things that stop...Read full comment
Posted in Chapter 2: Gone (John)
It seems that you may have
Posted on Sat, 25 Jan 2014
It seems that you may have stumbled upon a whole new form of storytelling here, by listing life's struggles through the evidential pain of the past, and as if that wasn't enough, you've exceeded all expectation by presenting an awe-inspiring...Read full comment
Posted in Tissue Atlas
Bee - had to reach for my box
Posted on Mon, 14 Mar 2016
Dear Bee - had to reach for my box of tissues on reading this. It is so very, very beautiful...almost as beautiful as those winged 'lovelies' which shall, henceforth, be my (our) pet name for those amazingly graceful creatures, others....not in...Read full comment
Posted in A poem to Silver Spun Sand
Posted on Tue, 29 Sep 2015
An interesting use of flowers in this poem.
Primrose, dandelion, celandine – courage with its head bowed, wishes in your hand and celandine's pale summer flowers. The shift to fear of your own 'wilt' and the wake of '...Read full comment
Posted in Shame
Posted on Sat, 15 Aug 2015
Well if this is your first poem you've got real potential as your experience and practise grows. I really quite like this piece although romance poetry is not something that I would actively seek out. A couple of observations if I may?
...Read full comment
Posted in first poem not great
i can't understand the first
Posted on Tue, 11 Aug 2015
i can't understand the first para... there seems to be lots of typos:
Josh rubbed his three day stubble and looked turned towards Lyn, who smiled sternly.
The kids were being noisy and the traffic was heavy. A combination...
Posted in Whistle on the wynd part 1
I liked this a lot. The voice
Posted on Mon, 10 Aug 2015
I liked this a lot. The voice of your narrator was well-expressed. I felt like I could hear her speaking as I read. Your diction is absolutely on point and the content of the story gave me a window into her world.
If I were to...Read full comment
Posted in A Little Tart