Well if this is your first poem you've got real potential as your experience and practise grows. I really quite like this piece although romance poetry is not something that I would actively seek out. A couple of observations if I may?
i can't understand the first para... there seems to be lots of typos:
Josh rubbed his three day stubble and looked turned towards Lyn, who smiled sternly.
The kids were being noisy and the traffic was heavy. A combination...
I liked this a lot. The voice of your narrator was well-expressed. I felt like I could hear her speaking as I read. Your diction is absolutely on point and the content of the story gave me a window into her world.
This had a wonderful flow. Should be read aloud on the steps of the world's libraries. As a matter of fact. I'm passing by the New York Public Library. I'll print out a few copies and leave it with the lions.
captured these moments with lovely, delicate subtle word combinations...lines like reaching through the drivers door/to conjure up a metallic scraping/until the engine bubbled into life/like a mountain spring bottling these little cameos, as you...
I really enjoyed the clarity of the writing, especially the 'insomniac sensory memory...' the power of an image to spring out at you in the present and clarify some aspect of the past. something you want to forget or had forgotten..The Dance...
Love this, Tina. Bottled 'laughter' is my childhood obsession. Used to fill bottles with laughter from age 7, still have them, don't dare take the lids off. You've applied a dear metaphor to a much loved person. Except it isn't a metaphor, it's...
By scratch
Good
Posted on Sat, 15 Aug 2015
Well if this is your first poem you've got real potential as your experience and practise grows. I really quite like this piece although romance poetry is not something that I would actively seek out. A couple of observations if I may?
...
Read full commentPosted in first poem not great
By blackjack-davey
i can't understand the first
Posted on Tue, 11 Aug 2015
i can't understand the first para... there seems to be lots of typos:
Josh rubbed his three day stubble and looked turned towards Lyn, who smiled sternly.
Read full commentThe kids were being noisy and the traffic was heavy. A combination...
Posted in Whistle on the wynd part 1
By 60units
I liked this a lot. The voice
Posted on Mon, 10 Aug 2015
I liked this a lot. The voice of your narrator was well-expressed. I felt like I could hear her speaking as I read. Your diction is absolutely on point and the content of the story gave me a window into her world.
If I were to...
Read full commentPosted in A Little Tart
By hudsonmoon
This had a wonderful flow.
Posted on Tue, 05 May 2015
This had a wonderful flow. Should be read aloud on the steps of the world's libraries. As a matter of fact. I'm passing by the New York Public Library. I'll print out a few copies and leave it with the lions.
Rch
Read full commentPosted in Banned Books
By Stephen Thom
captured these moments with
Posted on Wed, 14 Jan 2015
captured these moments with lovely, delicate subtle word combinations...lines like reaching through the drivers door/to conjure up a metallic scraping/until the engine bubbled into life/like a mountain spring bottling these little cameos, as you...
Read full commentPosted in The Mechanic
By blackjack-davey
I really enjoyed the clarity
Posted on Sun, 29 Dec 2013
I really enjoyed the clarity of the writing, especially the 'insomniac sensory memory...' the power of an image to spring out at you in the present and clarify some aspect of the past. something you want to forget or had forgotten..The Dance...
Read full commentPosted in Remembering M
By VeraClark
Love this, Tina. Bottled
Posted on Thu, 26 Dec 2013
Love this, Tina. Bottled 'laughter' is my childhood obsession. Used to fill bottles with laughter from age 7, still have them, don't dare take the lids off. You've applied a dear metaphor to a much loved person. Except it isn't a metaphor, it's...
Read full commentPosted in Mistletoe and Mothballs
By jolono
Loved this perspective of our
Posted on Mon, 09 Dec 2013
Loved this perspective of our great city Johnshade. Great lines in this.
Whorish lipstick on a pox scarred face, Pornographic Nurses on a Cholera ward, suicide induced small talk, and then the best of all, the last line.
Great stuff...
Read full commentPosted in I Heart London
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