Amusing Sayings

It's like throwing a sausage up a ginnel.

"This dirt's so poor, it can't even grow old." I got this from a book called God's Other Son by Don Imus, but he probably took it from the Farmer's Almanac.

That's a fair point. Though I've always found it to be a very funny expression, I never really thought about what it meant. I assume it's a reference to the fact that everybody has sex at weddings (for women, especially, can be at their most vulnerable, a smart time to make a move) ; imagine then, that penises outnumbered vaginas to the tune of one: how would you feel, were you the appendage that had nowhere to go? Left out? Fed up? Useless? In the way? Hence the expression. Sorted. No, I don't think they keep spares. Lol, the very idea.

My brother says "it's a bit black over Bill's Mother's" and my friend says "I felt like a pork pie at a bar mitzvah"

"She was so ugly, i felt obliged to kick her boyfriend's guide dog."

My mum used to say that I'd have the pavingstones fighting never did ask her what the hell she meant by that

My father's response to anyone who he considered had come out with a useless suggestion was to say 'I'd rather have my backside rubbed with a brick'!

"Nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

'In and out like a gigolos dick'

I like that old line, (Henry Youngman?) I was such an ugly baby, the midwife slapped my mother. (I had to explain to my friend that a baby must be ar.se-slapped to get it crying ie. breathing. If you don't know that, it's not as funny.)

Lady Astor: "Winston (Churchill), if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

Lol I can't believe you said that. To all southerners and non-Lancastrians/Mancunians, a ginnel is (as per the poster's name) an alley way.

We say ginnel her too, i dont think it's just lancastrian. And we also say the butchers pencil thing too. Not about alleyways of course.

'You're drinking like a budgie with chapped lips' i have succumbed to many downing of drinks through that.

How much like a patchwork quilt we are. Some of us are bright and gay, some are quieter, more delicate and subdued.

From the Dennis Thatcher Diaries: 'You're as much use as a one legged man at an @!#$ kicking party.' Use it all the time.

If I tell you again it'll be the next time.

No, you're probably right, Liana. I just know it's not scouse, and first became aware of the expression in Wigan (godforsaken place that it is). You say butcher's pencil?! Result!

Hello i'm Larph friend of the stars.

She's seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard. (er, not you, Liana - another untimely posting.) How's Rooney doing, Grec, la? Sell him now. He won't like the First Division.

You can keep yer bitter mits off him. We wouldn't swap him (injury inklusiv) for Kewell, a billion pounds, AND a copy of Stations of the Heart.

When feeling reduntant in company my friend says " I feel like a spare P r i c k at a wedding." I have never understood that, why a wedding, and are there ones at weddings that are needed and others kept for spare?

Playing board-game fave Articulate, I needed to Karen to say "sparrow", so I thought of the expression: "More meat on a sparrow's kneecap." ME: "What's the expression? I've seen more meat on a *blank*..." KAREN: "Butcher's pencil." I couldn't carry on through laughing. Has anyone else EVER heard that? Jaycee, are you Welsh? Because the Stereophonics used that in the chorus of first big-break single... ...altogether now... Oh there's more life more more LIFE in a traaaaaamps vest...

About a woman trying to dress/make herself up to look young (ie. mutton dressed as lamb)... You can't polish a turd.