Neil Young or Bob Dylan?

You're right duck, no comparison, the thread should be Bryan v Dylon. Ferry is a reluctant genius, and in the future he will be remembered as being more memorable than Rick Astley, and the lot of them.

I've seen all your decoys through a set of deep turquoise eyes and it makes me depressed. Anyone who can do that and get away with it is a God. But a lesser God than someone who can rhyme Cut with Paste. *blushes* You Know You're a Dylan Fan If- - you know where he almost mis-sings a line, (but you're sure he meant to do that) - you prefer new boots to food - you can sing all the versions of TUIB and know the accomanying dates of when and where they were sung - your 5 year old son asks, "What will happen to me daddy , when you're buried in the rocks?" - you & your significant other have dinner at home, at the table under a print of "L'Etranger", sporting top hats - you appreciate rhymes like: once/months, juiced-in-it/used-to-it, virtue/dirt-you, travel-on/ Babylon, decoys/ turquoise, jealousy's/ sells us-he's, jeez/knees, - you know names of everyone who has ever been in Dylan's band. - you opened a bank account at The Bank of Montreal - you believe that all roads lead to Dylan - you only ride "Triumph" motorcycles - you use binoculars to watch Bob on stage while standing in the FRONT ROW! - you dig through Jakob's trash - you found nothing interesting in Jakob's trash, so you dig through Bucky Baxter's - you left his 1966 concert at the Worcester Centrum after his set, because you had no interest in seeing newfangled bands like Fleetwood Mac, or Led Zeppelin. -you think 3 volumes of Greatest Hits is grossly insufficient. -you actually paid money to see- and then sat through- "Feeling Minnesota" all because Dylan covers Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" over the end credits (and then you bought the soundtrack). -you had the cover art of Self Portrait tattooed across your back. -you have a Blind Willie McTell T-shirt, but you couldn't name one of his songs for the life of you. -you know someone whom you believe to have warehouse eyes. -you never believed the Grammys were rigged until Alanis Morrisette's "Ironic" beat out "Dignity" for record of the year - at job interviews you say, "I'm just a song and dance man" - you ain't seen Claudette since January - you believe that a vast government/CIA conspiracy kept "Blind Willie McTell" off Infidels - you become angry when you come across an article about The Byrds and it doesn't mention Bob Dylan - you have a custom made Bob Dylan doll hanging in your home office complete with a miniature harmonica - your neighbor named Quinn is getting a little annoyed at you for always calling him "Mighty" or "The Eskimo" - you know Dylan wrote all of The Wallflowers' songs - you refer to The Wallflowers as "The Bob Dylan Jrs." - you think Bob is the MAIN Wilbury - you leave a few minutes before the end of a concert just to catch a 3 second glimpse of Bob with a towel on his head! - you watch the "Series of Dreams" video in slow frame - you have a separate drawer for Dylan T-shirts ONLY! - you buy David Kemper's art work cause you think it somehow gets you closer to Bob!" - you own stock in Maxell - you allow yourself to slowly go insane because of the "signed" classic, Daniel Kramer photo of Dylan "smirking", which hangs over your desk!" - you really felt it cleared a lot up when Bob explained "Queen Jane Approximately" by saying "Queen Jane is a man." - you have ever found an abandoned wall and written "WHAAAT?" on it. - you can discuss at length and with total earnestness the relative merits of the Blood On The Tracks version of "Idiot Wind" versus the Hard Rain version versus the original New York version versus the Bootleg Series version. - you took Pete Hamill's liner notes for Blood On The Tracks ABSOLUTELY seriously. - Instead of cursing when angry, you say "Jeez! I can't find my knees!" - you once said "whaddya MEAN someone else recorded a version of 'The Boxer'?! - all you can do when you see the guards outside Buckingham Palace change shifts is sing "SIXTEEN YEARS!" - you make (and win) $20 bets daring your friends to stump you on any Bob trivia ("What's the 3rd word of the 4th song on the 10th album?") - you felt deeply betrayed when you realized that "Motorpsycho Nitemare" and "Bob Dylan's 115th Dream" were the same song. - you wear white cowboy outfits to work - you've actually thrown one of those parties where everyone attending is dressed as a character in a Dylan song. - you can't remember who else performed at the "Concert For Bangla Desh" and yet you own the CD and the movie. - before playing Visions of Johanna you announce to everyone within earshot, "This is not a drug song!" - you wear a harmonica brace out in public - when you eat at a Hard Rock Cafe, you wait an additional hour to sit near some Dylan object. - you entertain fantasies of receiving an inexplicable phone call from Sony appointing you to personally review through the entire Dylan archive in order to select tracks for an upcoming 16 CD box set, the Bootleg Series Vol. 4- 20 - if you catch yourself saying "You know they refused Jesus too", when someone says no to you. - when asked a question, you ask yourself what Bob would say in this situation - you've ever spent more than an hour trying to pick apart, "Wiggle, Wiggle". - you want to know why there aren't all-Dylan radio stations - you sing "John Brown" to yourself, every time ARMY commercials come on - you keep telling your friends ad nauseam that, "It's not the singing voice, its the intonation, man" - you see Dylan in concert at his very very worst and you convince yourself that he was actually excellent and you are just not getting it - you analyize the jacket cover of Desire for hours - you are completely confused with the viscious dychotomy of emulating Dylan in every conceivable way and Dylan's underlying messages of being your own person - you've told your parents and guidance counselors that it has never been your duty to remake the world at large nor is it your intention to sound the battle charge. - you thumb a winter ride from Nova Scotia to Nashville Tennessee just to hear Dolly Parton sing Positively Fourth Street - you only vacation in Hibbing, The Village, Tangiers or East Orange NJ. - you wouldn't mind getting paid in chess pieces - you only know Bob's lines in "We Are The World" - you're the resident expert on histoplasmosis - you've been to Sugar Town and you've shook the sugar down - you've actually worn flowers to Dylan concerts!!! (sheeeeeesh!!) - you carry a Jack of Hearts around in your wallet - you're making copies of song after song for your eight-year-old niece - you buy a new pony and name her Lucifer - your father-in-law is named Mr. Jones, and you ask him how it feels to be such a freak - if you make it through a day without hearing bob, you get a restless hungry feelin' that don't mean no-one no good - you went and saw "Dangerous Minds" only because of the Bob content - you can't figure out exactly what the line "My love is like some raven, at my window with a broken wing" means, but you know it sounds brilliant. - you've played your VCR in slow motion to see if you can read what Bob was typing on the typewriter in his hotel room in "Don't Look Back." - Your four year old daughter thinks that any vinyl LP is called a "Bob Dylan", not a "record" - you bought the Bootleg Series on CD - three years before you even owned a CD player - you bought a $2000 computer just so you could use the Hiway-61 CD-ROM...and you also bought the cd-rom before you bought the computer. - you have a copy of every Dylan concert you've been to - you had the lyrics of "Time of Of Mind" memorized before it was even released - you actually had an orgasm when he played "TUIB" at Jones Beach. - you can't understand why Judy Collins has to ruin Dylan's songs (yet you own all of her Dylan covers) - The pause, mute, and stop buttons on your CD player are completely foreign to you. - you bought three copies of Newsweek's October 1997 issue: one for your coffee table, one for your own personal use, and the last to be put in the vault. - you think the POPE should have run down the stairs to shake BOB's hand - you've exceeded your 40hr/mo. limit with your Internet service provider and haven't gone anywhere except for Dylan sites. - you hang around the ink well - you're not really sure what an ink well is, so you go to the wedding of Mary-Lou when a female friend asks for advice on her love life, you say, "My advice is to not let the boys in." - when you hear references to "Dylan's People", you think they're talking about YOU - you get upset when people say that "Dylan WAS good..." - when someone asks you "what's love?" -- you say that "Love is just a four-letter word" - you don't mind a bit when a friend NOT SO CLOSE gives you on your birthday a Bob Dylan Greatest Hits CD because he heard that you like Bob Dylan's songs. - you say to your significant other - "There is just one of Bob's CD's missing in my collection and you'll give me that!" - when breaking up with your significant other you say "Strike another match go start a new, it's all over now baby blue" - for Halloween you buy your significant other a trumpet, and for Christmas you naturally get them a drum. - when your new Dylan CD won't eject from the player and you know its a miracle! - you give grocery money to your kid for college, but he goes out and buys Dylan tickets instead - and you don't get upset (thanks Dad!) - you spend hours planning a road trip.-- Do you spend the time figuring out your route? No - you spend your time on what Dylan tapes you should bring!! - when every song he sings is, without a doubt, your favorite song. - whenever you go to San Francisco you go around telling everyone you meet "Tiny Montgomery says hello" - you got mad when the Utah legislature changed the state fish from the rainbow trout to the Bonneville cutthroat trout, since it ruined that perfect reference in "Sign on The Window" - you hold your head so high when you see your old friends go by (but it's still that sign on the cross that worries you) - whenever you see an Arizona State football or basketball game on TV, you root against them since they gave him such a hard time there in ' 79. - on January the 30th you hang clothes out on a line and ask your neighbor if the Vice-President's gone mad - you introduce yourself to people you don't like as some of his pseudoyms like Keef Laundry, Big Joe's Buddy or Tedham Porterhouse. -you've been throught all F. Scott Fitsgerald's books -you imagine what Dylan and Joanies kids would have looked like. Then you think what it would be like to be one of them. -you have a map of the USA with all the towns Dylan mentions in songs highlighted. -you have been to the highlands - you're asked to leave you english class and except a "F" for the day because you've gotten into a disagreeable argument because someone said Bob couldn't sing and wasn't God. - you feel a bit closer to your sister, but envy her, because her birthday's on may 24th. - you don't feel all that disappointed when yr "friend" attends one of the "finest school" and "only gets juiced in it." - when you have a flash back to sometime in the '60's when you were listing to "Like a Rolling Stone", but weren't born til' 1979. (true!) - when you don't speak to your sister for two-weeks because she insists that Rainy Day Women is only about smoking pot and nothing else. - when your e-mail address is a variant of a Dylan song. - whenever your family encounters financial difficulties, you urge your mother to "take her diamond ring...and pawn it, babe." - you watched the A&E "Biography" of Johnny Cash for one reason. - you struggle over the dilemma that if ever meeting him - if you'd give him his peace or ask for an autograph - you host your 7th Annual Bob Dylan Birthday Party on Sunday, May 17th in Torrance, CA with a day of live Dylan Music!!! It's Great!!! - you go to jail so you can "sit like Bhudda in a ten foot cell" - you go to the Posters exhibition at London's Victoria and Albert Museum with the sole aim of buying a 1966 'Mr Tambourine Man' poster in the museum shop. And then finding that, for copyright reasons, they can't sell them. - when you use him (alongside Dylan Thomas) as an all-encompasing yet perfectly understandable explanation for taking a few years' hiatus in the local 'desolation row' in your medical school application's Personal Statement - you request your local FM rock station to play 'Lo and Behold!' - you think of Bob every time you pick up a telephone. - whenever you send mail, including fan mail to Bob, - instead of writing your return adress, you write "Desolation Row" on the upper left hand side of the envelope. - you only read the books of Leviticus and Deutoronomy in the Bible - you've actually looked for her in old Honolulu, San Francisco and Ashtabula. - if every morning you have one more cup of coffee for the road. - toward the end of a three-day cross-country trip, you drive a hundred miles out of your way because you noticed Highway 61 on your roadmap. - you derive spiritual comfort from "Gotta Serve Somebody." - you derive spiriual comfort from "Wiggle Wiggle" - you drive 6 hours out of your way to go through Durango, Colorado hoping on the outside possibility that you might find romance ... only to realize there must be another Durango somewhere else, because there is no way there was ever a blisterin' sun for anyone to eat hot chili peppers in at that altitude. - when you catch the bus with a comic book and you want get to California - You change your middle name on your library card to "Dylan" - You repeatedly stress the cultural signifigance of "Talkin' Hava Negeilah Blues." - You can sing the words to "Subterranean Homesick Blues" backwards. - You once beat up then sued Bruce Springstein for image theft. - You plan on starting your calendar from year "zero" after Dylan dies, the first year of A.D. time. (After Dylan). - you know people who have many contacts among the lumberjacks, who get them facts when someone attacks their imaginations - When you successfully argue against a major university that Bob Dylan is a philosopher and that your thesis paper should be regraded. Not only is it, but the Philosophy dept. considers giving Dylan his own course(True, Univ. of Pittsburgh) - you understand that Bob Dylan has never had a #1 "pop" hit and realize that's a good thing! - you spend the last hour of a car trip with your significant other in silence because they cannot fully appreciate "Visions of Joanna", and you are so mad you refuse to talk to them. - whenever you go to a hardware store, you go straight to the "rocks & gravel" section - every time you are in a grocery store and see a display of canned vegetables, you stop to "give it a good read." - You wished you'd had the foresight to sew your phone number in the bra (because you did a "Flashdance"-style removal of it -and threw it at his feet as he hit the last chord of "Like A Rolling Stone" -it landed cups up!- whereupon he actually grinned and chuckled and turned to Tony the bass player and said, "Did you see that?!" and then when he came back onstage for another encore, was looking for it and kidding around about "Where's the bra? Who took it?!"; it was the stagehands who whisk away anything thrown onstage ---- 9:30 Club in DC. ) - you ask your sister-in-law to put on a CD, any CD, and she can't because.....she doesn't like Dylan!!! - you hire a sketch artist to draw all of your pictures of Dylan, cuz hey, Dignity Never Been Photographed! - you copy every picture of Bob from the web, put them in a briefcase, put on a long black coat, go down to the river, looking at the pictures, and sit there on the bank and watch the river flow - you create a unique disease for yourself, call it 'Bobdylanism' and proudly tell people, "I'm terminal!" - when someone asks where your house is located, you reply, "It's not a house, it's a home." - if someone asks you "Who the hell do you think you are?" and you reply, "I and I" - you check Krogsgaard to see what Bob was doing on your birthday - you plan to see Jesse Dylan's movie adaptation of a Playstation video game - you laugh everytime you play "Bob Dylan's 115 Dream", even whenever you play it 10 times in a row - you've ever been thrown in jail for carryin' harpoons. - you've ever asked your blue eyed son where he's been. - you like to spend some time in Mozambique - if whenever asked for directions, you say, "Down the highway, down the tracks." - you go to a party see a bunch drunks, and say to them, "I look at you and I wonder", "How does it feel to be such a freak?", "I wish that for just one time I could stand inside your shoes" and so on. Them not picking up on these Dylan lines suddenly want to step outside and kick the crap out of you but you and your buddy just sit there and laugh. - you've ever had a job in the great north woods - you own a bumper sticker that tells people, "I brake just like a little girl" - you listen to "If you see her say hello" 87 times after breaking up with someone - when somebody pisses you off, you figure it's ok because someday they'll be in a ditch with flies buzzin' around their eyes - you've ever shot a man named Gray just so you could take his wife to Italy - you bought the Byrd's Greatest Hits just because four songs on there were Dylan covers - you tell your significant other that you want to fly to the other side of the country for a Dylan show and they tell you, "If you go, Our marriage is over." (I went and we are still together) - you invite your partner to a Bob concert and they say, " Didn't we learn our lesson the last time?" - your significant other covers your personalized DYLNFAN license plate with a sign that says, "Dylan Victim" - your significant other is so fed up with your obsession that they started a support group called "LOAD" (Loved Ones Against Dylan) - you burst into loud obnoxious song whenever your friend Joey comes into the room -you dreamed you saw Saint Augustine - you insist on having Wedding Song played during your own wedding ceremony, and you can't stop smiling thru the harmonica breaks even tho your new father-in-law is sweating bullets, rolling his eyes and muttering threats (a true Kodak moment!). - you get offended when you hear Garth Brooks singing "To Make You Feel My Love" - and seethe even more when by chance see the god-awful video where he flashes that bullshit grin of his on the line "you ain't seen nothin' like me yet" HOW DARE HE MOCK BOB!? (no offense Garth!) - You know the REAL reason why the Arizona Diamondbacks baseball organization named their stadium "Bank One Ballpark" (BOB) - you're just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity - you name all of your kids Bob, even if they're girls - you want to marry Bob Dylan - -you watched VH1 all day waiting to see if he won Legend of the Year so they would show the NDY video and cursed violently when he didn't. What could they have done with the 200 votes I sent in?!?! - when you go to your first Dylan concert, spend an hour of it pushing yourself to the stage, and then break into tears once you get there because you swear you've found religion. - your spouse claims you've been labobomized - your term paper in Ethnomusicology is based on the Comedy of Bob Dylan (B+) - you spend most of your wedding reception looking for Bob to join the wedding band and sing 'CEPT YOU- then join you and your spouse for a drink at the bar. Especially so when the the wedding invitation was sent back return to sender - if when you heard Big Pink was for sale you sat down and made some calls - you go to a function and you realize the only person on the scene missing is the Jack of Hearts. - you pop in an old tape of Blood on the Tracks, and your 7 year old son, (who's heard Dan Bern) asks if this is one of those pretenders, or the Real Dylan. - you've ever been stoned at the breakfast table - your last name is Street, and you relinquish to your wife all rights for names of future children just so you can have a first born named Justin Sullivan Positively Street IV - you're better than no-one and no-one is better than you - you honestly consider Van Morrison, and Joni Mitchel "opening acts" - you've read "Invisible Republic" by Greil Marcus 3 times and find disappointment only in the fact that "Sante-Fe" was only devoted two words instead of the chapter it deserved - you listen to Dylan music in the morning, during the day, and in the evening, but at night when you're going to bed you turn him off, because sleeping while Bob's playing - that's just disrespect - you're amazed and proud of the fact that when you go to a Dylan concert, any one of hundreds of songs could be played and you'd be able to sing along after the first phrase (but you DON'T sing along). - you bought a "We Are The World" single (on vinyl) at a garage sale just for the 20 seconds of Dylan -you watch the Beatles Video Anthology just to hear George Harrison say "look out kid its something you did, god knows when, but you're doing it again" (he really does) -you don't like John Lennon because he doesn't believe in Zimmerman -you're the only one who laughs when Principal Skinner says "the times, they are becoming different" on the Simpsons -you think the street in the backround on "Freewheelin" is more sacred than Abbey Road -you try to learn how to play the police siren (like on "Highway 61") - you are undaunted by the fact that the '65 Hollywood Bowl version of "Like A Rolling Stone" sounds like Bob with a Casio keyboard. - you spend time at work e-mailing the official Bob Dylan site with corrections to the lyrics of "Sitting on a Barbed-Wire Fence." - when you meet new people you separate the interesting ones from the losers, by quoting the first half of a Dylan line to see if the other one responds by ending the quote. - you just KNOW there's a deep meaning to "All the Tired Horses" - when someone asks you what you do for a living, you retort, wouldnt you ask this question to a carpenter or a plumber - you can ride like Annie Oakley and shoot like Belle Starr - you go to an art gallery whilst eyeing up the paintings and sculptures you say to the person next to you, who you've never seen before, in your life, "Inside the museum infinity goes up on trial" --- the person looks at you like you're some kind of freak - (may be you are) - you think it would be really romantic to rest in a field and be half asleep near the stars even to have a small dog licking at your face - your favourite bands are Corky the Kid, and the FAB clocks and Brown Bumpkin and Sidney Ciggy are your favourite composers - you play Madame Butterfly to lull yourself to sleep - whenever you take a train ride you always use the window seat, slouch down, and wear your dark glasses - after Bobs triple grammy award winning speech your friends ask you if they can borrow your Buddy Holly and Robert Johnson records - you have declared September 21 D Day - the official release date of GKATCF and wonder how long it will take Columbia to release All Hallows Eve... - your 14 year old (ahem... Jacob) can now recite the complete "Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie" -- he's heard it so often - a cop pulls you over and you say, "it ain't me you're lookin' for"- then when they throw you in jail you yell "I shall be released" - you have ever dated a girl because you knew she had a "Leopord Skin Pill Box Hat" and then insisted she where it whenever the two of you went out. - if when a friend mentioned their present lack of satisfaction with life, you respond, "If you don't believe there's a price for this sweet paradise, then remind me to show you the scars" - you only drink Daring Dylans (2 oz Tequila, 1 oz Kahlua, crushed Ice, 4 oz Chocolate, Mexican Hot) and Bob Dylans (12 oz Surge, 4 oz Jagermeister, 16 oz Ice) -- (or Burgandy or the harder stuff) - you only want to hang out with Jacob because Bob hung out with Arlo - if you see your neighbor carrying something, you help him with his load, and you don't go mistaking paradise for that home across the road - if you watched the Spice Girls Top Ten Countdown on MTV because you heard that "Baby Spice" had that Wyclef video on her list. - a lady at the supermarket runs her shopping cart into yours, and you reply, "don't think twice, it' all right." - all the people you used to know are an illusion to you now. - you are hunted like a croodile & raveged in the corn. - you've seen pretty people disappear like smoke. - you fly from Vienna to NYC for the tribute concert without a ticket for the show; spend 24hrs hustling for the ticket; risk life, limb and pocket to eventually secure one; and then weep in joy at your phenomenal good luck. - you sport a 'I been to sugar town..' bumper sticker despite the fact that only one in a thousand who see it will understand (and the other 999 will be sure you're a @!#$ boasting about your vacation) -your name is Jones, and you come along and empty the trash -your most common reply to any question is "What's it to ya Moby Dick? This is chicken town!" -you save your money and rip it up -at the wedding of MaryLou, you swaggeringly approach the bride and say "Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride. You will not die, it's not poison." -your dreams are beyond control -you've ever been thrown in jail for carrying a harpoon, but then you busted out (don't even ask me how) -your answering machine message says "I'll call you tomorrow if there's phones where I am" -you would've gone out after her, but you didn't feel like letting your head get blown off -you've had the Mexico City Blues since the last hairpin curve - you have dogs named Hamlet, Lefty, Lucky, Boo and Charlie T. - your den is identical to the cover of Bringing It All Back Home, complete with lounging mannequin in red dress. - you've ever wiggle-wiggled til you've raised the dead. - you've seriously hypothesised that the Jack of Hearts and the Man in the Long Black Coat are the same person. - you chew gum. (you don't want to be a bum, after all.) - you never go anywhere without carrying a roll of tens should your best of friends need money - you've ever demanded at a diner, "Give me a stringbean, I'm a hungry man." - you watch the Three Tenors concerts on PBS in the hope that Pavarotti will cover "It Ain't Me Babe" - you've ever threatened to knock an enemy clean out of his spleen. The truest fans will also promise to stand o'er his grave til you're sure that he's dead. - you think that if he really tried, Dylan could explain in rhyme why there's no use in trying to deal with the dying.

I'm just glad Liana's not online.. So you'd say Neil Young all the way, then?

Yes/No I and I cannot divide the word of truth. ps Fancy a dance to the nightingale's tune?

Ridiculous topic. They are both so different. Just cause they both play the acoustic guitar alot. Why bother?

Maybe they should do an album together. Neil and Bob Not Ralph and Missi.

That post by W.A.C is the best that has been on this site for a long time. Was that you George? If so well done. If not George, then well done anyway. Ralphie

I'm with Bob. Neil Young doesn't penetrate my soul as much as Bob Dylan does. I also think Bob has a better gift in melodies. (And I'm only talking about the first part of their careers ... I haven't heard too much of their recent stuff.) I'm also not too much of a fan of Neil's singing voice. I'm not sure how to describe it... it's a bit whiny. Whereas, I do like Bob Dylan's singing voice (albeit, it took me a while to get used to it).

Neil Young every time... Bob makes my ears bleed. Don - how you can describe Neil as opposed to Bob as being a bit whiny is beyond me!

Yeah... whiny wasn't the right word. But, Neil Young's voice isn't nearly as expressive as Bob Dylan's voice. I can't picture anybody making Bob Dylan's songs any more effective than Bob Dylan can. Neil Young's voice is just ... blah! Bob's songs should not be performed by anybody else. The Byrd's covers of him are entirely over-rated! I absolutely adore Dylan's voice! (Now I'm thinking I'm the only one.)

Absolutely right that Dylans songs should not be performed by anyone else. In fact, I'd go so far as to say, Bob Dylan's songs should never be performed. At all.

Now you're being mean.

Yes I am. Dont worry Don, Andrea will come on soon and throttle me to death for you.

So will missi

I think Bob and Neil both suck balls. Mike Skinner has got five times more talent than both of those crusty buggers put together. Linkin Park guy - that's the future. And while we're on the subject, aren't Girls Aloud surprisingly good?

*throttles Liana to death in place of many others* Absolute bollards. Don is entirely correct. Bob's voice is like a cracked harmonica over a honey yoghurt full of cigarette ends. Marvellous. He is a great great singer. Neil is good but the word whiney is pretty much it. Bob's voice is just too wholesomely crap to be whiney. Such is the beauty of Bob. But really couldn't choose Bob over Neil. Bob's too bitter these days and Neil's just too sentimental.

Bob is a miserable @!#$ who sings miserably shite songs, and he makes me want to slash my wrists. *folds arms*

Oh dear.

*looks defiant*

Are you feeling Suicidal today Liana? Bob and Neil are brill Shall i copy and paste some of their wonderful lyrics, just to remind you?

No thanks! It's Friday, my best mate is soon on his way for the weekend, the sun is shining and im running aroound mowing the lawn, polishing the furniture and preparing lovely food and beers.... Do i look like i want to look at or listen to dirgey dylan?

Certainly not today. My you are fiesty today, hope you have a nice weekend.

Flash, Im always feisty. Sometimes tho, I just cant be arsed. You have a nice weekend too, and the same to everyone here who loves to socialise and have fun!

bith are amazing but Bob is better

Ive never heard of bith. Are they good?

Liana, u have to excuse my typing at time..I meant BOTH not bith.

After TWO YEARS!

No, really?

I like both artists, too. It's just that Bob's music --really-- speaks to me. And, Neil Young, apart from some great songs, fails to move me at all. Though I admit that I haven't given Young the same chance. I own 7 Dylan albums and 0 Young albums. Though, my dad (who actually doesn't like Bob Dylan) owns a few Young albums ... and I'm not really a major fan. I do have plans to get some (...probably even all of 'em...) in the future, though!

Try Silver and Gold for new-ish Neil Young, Don. It's a bit soppy but it's quite pleasurable in a David Gray kind of way. Either that or Tonight's the Night.. a great seventies Tequila-soaked album.

Cooooooooeeeeeeeee, here I am! In throttling mode. It's nothing to do with the voices - they're pretty much irrelevent. Bob growls, Neil whines, it doesn't matter. It's the lyrics that are important. Dylan's a poet, basically, not a singer. I can (almost, but not quite)) understand people who say they can't stand Dylan if they haven't listened to what he's saying/said. If the voice is all you listen to, it probably doesn't mean much. Dylan is a symbol of a (thinking) revolution. Neil Young isn't (although he helped). Dylan made people aware. I think Young's brill too, but he's a follower rather than a leader. And Liana, how *can* you diss Dylan like that? I thought we were mates :-( Where's George when you need him?

Uno Ure a Dylanfanif- - you think Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen and Frank Sinatra are wanna-be's - you're annoyed yet amused by chit-chat in foreign languages - you are more interested in last night's set than you are the headline news - you get annoyed when a taper repeatedly yells "Visions of Johanna!!" in your ear - you bash A.J. Weberman to your friends, but secretly think it'd be pretty interesting to go through Dylan's trash - you know what the posting titled "Bootleg Series???" is going to say, but read it ANYWAY - you don't get tired of "Tangled Up In Blue" - even though you've heard it over 10,000 times - you've purchased spreadsheet software for the express purpose of organizing your collection - you have named your offspring or your pets: Dylan , DeeLynn, Delanna, Handy Dandy, Maggie , Ramona , Corrina, Delia, Hattie, Davey, Sadie, Johanna, Montgomery, FrankieLee, Sara, Babara Allen, St.Annie, Sweet Marie, Angelina, Suze, Ruben Remus, Sarah Jane, or Smoke - you use the phrase "You gotta lot of nerve!" as a retort - you use the phrase "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU - YOU'RE A LIAR!!" as a retort - when you're in an argument with your significant other, you say "Your words are not clear, you´d better spit out your gum" - you think polka-dots are cool and fashionable. - you are mystified by one note harmonica solos - you've ever made up your own words to "Santa Fe" - you firmly believe that Dylan wrote "The Weight" - you've sat through the long version of "Renaldo & Clara" at least twice and wouldn't mind doing it again - you get offended when people sing "The ants are my friends..." - you are STILL searching for secret pages on the HWY61-CDROM - you stand next to your theory on who the Jokerman is - you sing "License to Kill" every time there's a shuttle launch - you've spent an intimate weekend with your tape-to-tape - you go around carrying gigantic lightbulbs - you trust Heylin more than you do your ecclesiastical leader - you think Dylan is a good painter - you've ever flamed someone for calling Dylan a bad painter - you've thought about being an EDLIS agent for your municipality - you're convinced that "Gates of Eden" is a love song - your regular speaking voice has adopted an inflected and undulatory tone - you do not find humor in the idea that you can call someone who simultaneously plays the harmonica & guitar a musician - but by taking it one step further by adding knee-cymbals, then that person's a freak - you are proud of your drumstick shrapnel collection - you have your own in-depth theory on why Jezebel the nun violently knits a bald wig for Jack the Ripper - you relocate, and trust your Dylan stuff to no one, including your spouse - you consider yourself an idiot magnet - your password is a Dylan quote - you buy tickets for a Dylan show before checking out where in the hell it is and then go to the show - you have the tour schedule on your fridge and check it every evening - you schedule your vacation to see Dylan the same week the relatives come to visit - you trade for more than one copy of the same show - you have the LP, cassette, 8-Track, Elcaset and CD versions of his albums and you don't care which one sounds best! - you think that $10k for a copy of the original "Freewheelin'" is fair market value - you'd consider trading for a poor tape of Dylan's Bar Mitzvah - you take it personally when friends comment that Dylan can't sing - your used to people asking you: "Don't all these tapes sound the same?" - when you walk by graffiti and you think: "People drawing conclusions on the wall" - you have tape cassette boxes that only list a city and a date, but no artist - practically anything someone says to you reminds you of the line of a song - every time the weather report comes on you say, "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows" - you read BoB, BotT, BIABH, JWH, UTRS, and WGW with ease, but don't know what CRC, LASER, LED, TLA, NORAD, and SCUBA stand for - you've listened to "All Along The Watchtower" more times than Dylan has played it - you refer to any and all other music as "non-Dylan" - you divide music into four categories: 1) Dylan; 2) music that influenced Dylan; 3) music influenced by Dylan; and 4) crap. - you have all the versions of "Guitars Kissing & The Contemporary Fix" - you hope that people will ask you what Don McLean's "American Pie" is really all about. - you wake up singing "One more cup of coffee 'fore I go..." five out of seven mornings.... - you constantly find Dylan connections all over the place: headlines, things people say, current events, other music, ......cereral boxes etc. - while going out to dinner with your spouse, you insist that the restaurant owner insert a Bob Dylan cassette you happen to have brought along while you enjoy dinner discussing how many times Dylan has been interupted during dinner by a scrupleless fan!! - upon entering any CD store you head STRAIGHT to the Dylan section everytime - if you've made a mecca to Hibbing - if you have a framed picture of Bob in your house and/or office - if you have a framed picture of Bob in your house and/or office with candles all around it - there's drool on your Dylan CD covers - you continue to buy the same Dylan books at your favorite bookery - if you've spent the night in front a record store/ ticket outlet to get good concert tickets - at your favorite bootery, you keep admiring the copies of CDs you already own while stacking your new ones to buy- and the line behind you grows out into the street! - you feel it's ok to use Dylan's released material as filler on traded live shows! - you use your stereo equalizer to boost Dylan's voice far beyond the rest of the band! - you think that Dylan comparing himself favourably to Caruso seems self-evident - you think that the line "I heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley" could not have been written by another human. - you bought Microsoft Bob just for the name - you sell postcards of the hanging - you don't care who broke the glass, but just want to know who did it - you have a personalized license plate that reads: MYBKPGS and the people who understand what it means wave at you happily - your vanity plates read DYLNFREK - you buy sunglasses based on whether they look like ones Bob would wear - you write all you emails without capital letters and frequently say things like "I was walkin' down the road a-thinkin' and a singin'" - you've never seen him in concert and still believe he's the greatest living poet - you know the truth about Dylan's age; that Robert Zimmerman is 55 years old, but Bob Dylan is 34. - you've dated a girl JUST BECAUSE her name was Maggie, Sara, Sally gal, Clara, Rosemary, Lily, or Patty Valentine!! - you've dated a guy JUST BECAUSE his name was Rueben Remus, Tom Paine, Jim Jones, Frankie Lee, Arthur McBride, Davey - you can listen to "It Ain't Me, Babe" (Real Live), over and over again for ten hours - You seek out bios and writings of the poets, authors, historical figures mentioned in the songs in the hopes of unlocking one more lyric or line. - you buy "Guitars Kissing..." knowing damn well your going to buy it again when Sony releases it, just so you get the full version of "Mr. Tambourine Man" without the one second drop in the harp solo.... - your girlfriend faints at a Dylan concert and someone else has to escort her out because you're afraid of missing any of the songs. (true story folks...) - You find yourself arguing with your young children over who is better, Bob Dylan or Robocop. (and you win of course) - if you drive to the concert hours away, realize you forgot the tickets, drive home and back and still get there hours early (true story) - you visit New York City for the first time and forgo the Statue of Liberty et al to walk through Greenwich Village looking for the Chelsea Hotel because Dylan sang about writing "Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands" there. - you actually care what song was playing when Dylan threw Phil Ochs out of the car - you think there's no such thing as a good Dylan cover, but you collect all of them anyway - you refer to him by nicknames (e.g., His Bobness, Bawb, Mr. Zimmy, The Dylanator, The Bobinator, Bob-o-rama, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Zimmy, Maestro, The Big "D", Mr. Zim, Brother Bob, The Bobster, Bob-a-roni, St. Dylan, God, Ludwig Von Bob, Leonardo de Dylan, Mr. Bobourine Man, Lucky, The Jester, The Boxer, Dr. Bob, My Man Bob, Elmer Johnson, Sir Bob, Alias, The Master of Song and Lyric, The Master, Master Dylan, Grand Master Dylan, Renaldo, The Zim-meister, Jim Nasium etc. ---- but you'd NEVER call him "Bill Dylan") - you have bootlegs of the "Hearts Of Fire" screentests - you are a devout follower of whatever religion Bob's into at the time. - your mom is the only one who is willing to drive you to a Dylan concert with you, and you don't care. - you get mad when you see the INXS video where the guy is flipping the cards. - you can understand what Bob says in concert. - when someone says "hurricane" you think about boxing. - you think Bob should have sang all the Traveling Wilburies songs. - you use at least one Dylan quote in every paper you write. - you buy The Wallflowers cd just because it's Bob's son. - you can't understand why your friends don't like Dylan's music. - you read the book of Isaiah just to get some clues to All Along The Watchtower. - you go to a concert and you have to tell fellow conert-goers what song is being played.... - your significant other dreams that Bob shows up at the house for dinner, then you head to the show together where Bob seats you up front cause you're visually impaired. - your name's Lambchop - you're very familiar with all postage requirements and procedures - your relatives start dreaming about him - you hope that he plays "This Old Man" in concert - you have your ticket stub from each attended concert...since the sixties...in mint condition - you wish you had a bigger nose - you shove old ladies out of the way to get a good spot at a General Admission show - you keep your Dylan collection above and separate from the rest of your recordings - it makes your day when you find out that your co-worker grew up in Hibbing and his mother knew Bob's folks! - you sneak on to Bob's farm in Hanover, MN before a Minneapolis concert just to see if he's around. - you dress like a homeless person - you open up a trade package before you open up a letter from a family member - you know where Bob's going to be playing before HE does - you let your fingernails get long and dirty - you read "Tarantula" to your kids at bedtime - you rush to the stage during the first song - when you attend concerts of other performers, you yell out Dylan song titles for requests. - your answering machine's message has Bob singing "Baby Let Me Follow You Down" before, during, and after the outgoing message - you call yourself to hear Bob sing "Baby Let Me Follow You Down - you insure your collection - every year you root for Bob to win the Grammy, even if he wasn't nominated. - you think that May 24th should be a national holiday. - you're still mad that Bob didn't sing the National Anthem at the last Minnesota Twins' World Series. - you get your hair permed curly. - you sit in church, Sunday after Sunday, wishing that just once the choir would sing the medley from SAVED that you gave them. - Bob's birthday is marked on your personal calendar. - when filling out forms, you're tempted to write:"Oh my name it ain't nothin" when it asks for your name, "My age it means less" when it asks for your age, and "Desolation Row" when it asks for your address. - you start cross-referencing the words in Jakob's songs with those in Bob's. - you buy for the significant women in your life Leopard-Skin Pillbox Hats - friends have caught you singing "Muskrat Love" in nasal tones like Bob would.("...and they whirrrrlllllll and they twirrrrllllll and they taaaaannnnnngle...") - you want to slap Paul Simon silly every time you hear " A Simple Desultory Philippic". - you sit at railroad crossings singing "Freight Train Blues" trying to hold the note on "Blues" as long as Bob does. - every year at the beginning of December, you search the music stores hoping that Bob released a Christmas album. - you go around asking people this question, "If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have 30 of Dylan's albums with you, which would you pick?" - you voted for Dole 'cause his name is Bob and "President Bob" sounded pretty cool to you. - you think it'd be cool to see Bob in concert with the Wallflowers as his backup band. - you watch Letterman every night, hoping that Bob is the musical guest. - you'd rather see your wife in a Dylan T-shirt than in something from Victoria's Secrets. - you don't smile when being photographed - you keep referring to the comet Hale-Bopp as "Hail Bob". - every time you try to say the word "diligent" it comes out "dylangent". - you have nightmares about Michael Jackson buying the rights to Bob's songs. - you KNOW Bob is playing in Japan but, when a friend tells you that he saw a guy in the laundromat who looked a lot like Dylan, you get in your car and go downtown to check it out. - you wore out your "Wigwam" 45. - you say "scrapegoat". - you've dubbed "Lay Lady Lay" over "Everybody's Talkin' At Me" on your VHS copy of "Midnight Cowboy". - you seriously considered buying the bottle of "Bob Dylan's Urine" advertised in the Rolling Stone Classifieds. - you take leave during a war to catch Dylan concerts (true) - you cry everytime you hear "Every Grain of Sand" - you cry everytime you hear "Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat" - you're pretty sure you're related to him, but they lossed the records - you judge people on whether they like Dylan or not - you thought of ways to torture your sister-in-law when she sold your Dylan collection while you were in another country (and tried to carry out a few of them) - for some strange reason, you suddenly have a brand new appreciation for Neil Young - you've read every author that Bob has referenced - you don't understand why CNN played highlight clips of Dylan singing for the Pope, but didn't have a story on Dylan's latest variation of TUIB. -you leave your CD player on loop when you sleep so you can have dreams about Bob - you see something in your yard that has skin of green, the bulgingest eyes you've ever seen, it's bigger than a mouse but smaller than a dog, so you think you'll call it a frog. - you yell out Dylan song-titles to the warm-up acts - when your significant other asks you to do anything, you reply - "If you want me to, yyyesssssss." - you're getting married, and you register at Rolling Tomes - you have spent countless hours trying to discover the "real" TOOM tracklist. - every evening you look out your window and remark "It's not dark yet, but it's getting there". - you call your younger brother an "eeediot" instead of an idiot. - you begin referring to your home as the "Highlands." - you hang on to your old mono vinyl copies of Dylan albums although you can't play them anymore. - you know why there are binoculars hanging from the head of the mule on the Stones album "Get your Ya-Yas Out". - you claim that, really, Einstein used to be a violin player before he became a genius. - you accidently call an aquantance named "Marie" , "Sweet Marie". -your friend brings along her own cassette tapes before a three hour car trip, knowing otherwise she'll be "forced" to listen to Bob - -when visiting Omaha, you ride in on a horse, out to the country club and golf course... - you spoonfeed Casanova the boiled guts of birds - your first-aid kit contains a copy of "Blonde On Blonde" - you always request Dylan tunes from street musicians - you read somewhere that Lawrence Welk covered a Dylan song so you start watching reruns of the "Lawrence Welk Show" just to hear it - you go build yourself a cabin in Utah, marry you a wife, catch rainbow trout, and have a bunch of kids who call you pa - you always check the temperature at 3 o'clock in the afternoon to see if it's nine below zero. - you attend AA meetings just so that you can say "I started on burgandy but soon hit the harder stuff." - when you go to a funeral and look in the coffin you say,"He ain't dead. He's just a sleep." - you got into Johnny Cash because he and Dylan are pals. - you were outraged when Bob wasn't elected President in 1968 - when you and your sister fight you always tell her,"Oh, sister, am I not a brother to you? And one deserving of affection?" - the love letters you write to your better half are just Bob lyrics. - it pains you to look at Dylan CDs you don't have when you go to the record store with no money. - people don't ask you want you want for your birthday, but instead ask what Dylan albums do you want. - you can take insults about yourself, but when someone insults Bob, then that is going to far. - you bought a Woody Guthrie album and "Bound For Glory" to try and get into Bob's mind. - everytime you've met someone you're interested in, you putt together a tape to get them into Bob (and you stop seeing them if they don't ask for more) - your kids (who are now hooked on Bob) use names like "Alias" & "Mr. Jones" as names for their pets - you get 4 copies of "Time Out Of Mind" for your 50th birthday one week after the release -- and you keep them all. - if in the Irish Presedential election, you vote for Mary Banotti, simply because she lived for three years in Greenwich Village at the time that Bob would've been there... - when you successfully get a friend into Bob, you make sure they never forgot who changed their life. Once more you tell them that no matter what happens, they will never be a bigger Bob fan then you. - you drove on Highway 61 and Highway 51 while playing the album and the song. - when you hear a Bob song on the radio you wonder, "Why was I listening to the radio? I have over 30 Dylan albums!" But then you're happy because you just heard some Bob - on a trip from Eugene, Oregon to Providence, Rhode Island you stop in Hibbing and Duluth, even though it made you late for your brother's wedding. - when someone says that Bob should be read and not heard, you pound them into submission. - George Harrison is your favorite Beatle because he got along with Bob. - your motto is "Dig Yourself". - you dressed like Bob for Halloween. - even though it was a messy break up, the ex-girlfriend who got you into Bob will always have a place in your heart. - on your 6 disc CD changer, there is always at least 6 Dylan albums in there at a time. - when you saw Bob in Providence, RI this spring, you could have sworn he asked you on stage to sing a duet. - you scheduled your wedding for the fifth day of May. - you've driven around Mobile for hours looking for Grand Street. (it apparently does not exist.) - after finding out that there is in fact no street actually named Grand in Mobile, you think the Mobile City Council should take appropriate measures to do so. - you have a "HIWAY 61" license plate, and whenever somebody asks you about what it means, you make up a new story about it -- because man, if they don't know already ... - you listen to Bob tapes, even on the way to concerts by other performers - whenever you hear people talking about Bob, you immediatly join in the conversation, telling every detail about Bob you know, even if you don't know who the people are - when you wake up in the morning you wonder if your ex-girlfriend's hair is still red (even though her hair was brown). - when you get in a fight with a relative, you say "I wish for just one time, you can stand inside my shoes, and you'd know what a drag it is to see you" - when seeing a biography of any important figure of the century, you immediately look in the index for Dylan references. - you think Al Kooper is a genius - you would never consider buying a velvet Elvis, but wouldn't mind a velvet Bob at all. - when your child accidentally cuts himself and your wife goes to get him a band-aid, he says to her, "It's alright ma, I'm only bleeding" - your mother is 68 but you tell everyone she's 54 - when something goes wrong at work, you tell your boss, "It ain't me babe." - "Desolation Row" is your idea of a great Christmas carol. - your wedding is cancelled when the bride refuses to walk down the aisle to "Wedding Song." - you've written your own movie script to "Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts" - you buy a German Shepard and name him "Tiny Montgomery" - even your mother knows all the words to "Ballad of a Thin Man" and knows its various interpretations - you joined the S.A.M. fraternity even though you hate frats and aren't Jewish - you would rather model harmonica holders than discuss Aztec anthropology, English literature or history of the United Nations - you pour glue and sand onto all your records for that Dylanesque sound - at your grandfather's funeral you shout "I expected it to happen" - you say to your music teacher: "Mozart wasn't nearly as talented as Dylan... I mean, he uses TOO MANY chords!" - you moved hell and high water to get the PromoCD even though you already had those songs in better quality - you play your Dylan singles at 33 r.p.m. to make it last looooooonger, and have more Dylan for the same price. - you grew suspicious of your boyfriend when you found he owned a Siamese cat. - there are more pictures of Dylan on your fridge than of your kids - whenever you meet a woman with a shrill voice in a bar, you hold up your glass to her and say: 'break it!' - you have a bumper sticker that says, "My God is a Jewish harmonica player!" - you claim that your good luck comes from carrying your black tooth - you change you name to John Wesley Harding and record an album called "Dynablob" - your first reaction on finding out that you're going out of town on business is to post to RMD asking where you can get "imported" CDs - you're confident that Bob could kick Mick Jagger's ass in a fight - you have to be taken to the hospital everytime you meet someone who thinks Axl Rose wrote "Knockin on Heavens Door". - you call up the time operator just to hear a voice of some kind. - when you're late coming home, you call your other half and say " I'm 20 miles out of town, cold irons bound." - you must watch the PGA and US masters golf tournaments just to see if Bob is taking part. You even contemplate Bob covering Bing Crosby's ' It went straight down the middle'. - you've had a row with your other half- and you try and make it up by saying "I can offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love". - at your child's birthday party you insist they play Blind Man's Bluff with a key chain. - you wish your grandmother's name was Beatty. - you get invited to a wedding and you don't know most of the guests and you think that they are all rank strangers to you. - you tire yourself out looking through every art book trying to find all the paintings in the "Jokerman" video. - you went out and bought a long black coat after hearing "Oh Mercy". - you insist on having your fortune told even though the fortune telling lady has taken all her things inside. - you went to a pet shop and bought two great danes and called them Brutus and Baby. - you now own Blind Willie McTell, Jimmie Rodgers, and Mississippi Sheiks records. - you decide to take your winter vacation in London and gay paree - when you walk in a room you've always got your pencil in your hand (even though you know what's happening) - you had a fantastic dream about going to the Thunderbird cafe and ordering Country pie and for desert asking the waiter for some Suzette, and could you please make that crepe whilst a saxaphone someplace far off played. - you wish you were a student in professor Christopher Rix class. - you think Rod Stewart should "not PASS GO and go DIRECTLY TO JAIL" for ripping off "Forever Young" (but maybe let him out on parol for "Only A Hobo" - you like to use the word "discombobulated" - whenever your parents ask you to take the garbage, you sigh and say, "I guess it must be up to me" - sometimes, late at night, you think that maybe your growing tired of Bob. But when the morning comes, you laugh at how old you were. - you're listening to Bob right now while reading this list - you get pissed at people who say Dylan's performance at "Live Aid" was terrible, but you agree that Keith Richards sucked. - you skip out of your job early, drive two and a half hours to see a show you don't have tickets for and begins in forty-five minutes, get pulled over, where your car overheats, and the state patrol officer goes to radio in a tow truck, you speed off and continue driving ninety for the duration - you then get to the show in the middle of TUIB but the box office closed four minutes ago-so you really cry to the nice event staff about your car problems and the state patrol officer who escorted you to the show - and they sneak you all the way to the front, even though its RDW and you've lost your job. (I'll be damned if this isn't true) - your clothes are dirty but your hands are clean - you only go to Juarez at Easter, when the weather forecast is bad, and you neglect to pack your map. If you did have a map, it would only be a roadmap of the soul. You have to use an idea instead. - you buy a new carpet, and ask the sales assistant whether it moves under you. - after the latest downsizing at your workplace, you walked around the empty cubicles for two days mumbling "people disappearing everywhere you look..." - you often practice giving "that look" from the cover of "Hard Rain." - when receiving praise, you say "Thanks everybody" - you rent the movie Highway 61 and keep rewinding to where they stop at Bob's house in Hibbing and the guy talks about him riding his bicycle down the driveway and never watch the rest of the movie. - when meeting someone named Zimmerman, you wonder if they're related to Bob. - you watch "Don't Look Back" at 3 o'clock in the morning on a station with commercials - even though you own the video and have seen it every time it's shown --- because, Bob's on TV - you watch the 30th Anniversary during a PBS begathon, even though you taped the pay-per-view, own the offical video, went to the show itself and didn't think it was all that good to begin with because most of it wasn't Bob doing the performing. - you still search men's stores and thrift shops looking for pin-stripe shirts with snap-tab collars. - you drive hundreds of miles just to hear him sing Blind Willie McTell, even though you've seen several shows on the tour already, but he didn't end up singing it. (true) - your wife is considering filing for a restraining in order to keep you from putting Dylan stuff all over her homepage. - if your answering machine plays "Highlands"......twice. - your family organizes an intervention, because they are afraid you may not return from the next tour stop - you like to eat brown rice, seaweed, and dirty hotdogs (aka "Minnesota Sushi") for dinner, and when your child refuses to eat it, you tell them, "You will not die, it's not poison!" - you sing "One Too Many Mornings" as you rock your children and grandchildren to sleep - your deck of cards is missing the jack and the ace - you think that the Bob Dylan cigarette lighter you paid $30 for at your last show is the absolute coolest thing in the world. Too bad you don't smoke. - you bought TWO Zippos (because you DO smoke) - so you can use one and have one in the vault (true, but only because the craps tables at Taj Mahal were so good to us right before the show). - you think about starting to smoke but decide to wait until you can find out what Bob's brand is. - your children's (5 & 6 years old) friends know who Bob Dylan is, recognize his music when they hear it, and attend your annual Bob Dylan birthday party every May 24th with their parents (which, in Canada is a holiday because it is also Queen Victoria's birthday, but you pretend ignorance and insist the holiday is because it's Bob's birthday). By the way, the local Italian baker thinks you must know Dylan because every year you order a birthday cake with his name on it! - you have a Brand New Leopard-skin Pillbox Hat custom made--- and wear it everywhere - (at your kids' school functions, funerals, grocery shopping, and, of course, Bob concerts) - you've read "The Dylanist" by Brian Morton - you go out of your way to act, speak, dress & even make postings like you're not a fan, but you know deep inside you are - you would watch Bob perform for hours playing nothing but a comb & wax paper - when your significant other gives you the ultimatum "Dylan or me" you have to put a lot of serious thought into the decision. - you have a recurring nightmare in which your friends ply you with mind-altering substances and force you to confess that you think Elvis' cover of "Tomorrow is a Long Time" is 'not bad'. - to you it's obvious that when Elvis said "Give me some water, my mouth feels like Bob Dylan slept in it" that for once Presley was feeling inspired by the spirit of Dylan, and needed the water to set his creative juices flowing and actually write a song. - you wouldn't mind manning the MIR satellite provided you could bring your Dylan collection with you. - the only prayer you know begins with the words "May God bless and keep you always". - you leave your wife in the stands pre-concert to go to the bathroom and show up fifteen minutes later ONSTAGE where you pose as security for the rest of the show (true story) - after sneaking backstage, your dream comes true and during a break in the show Bob sits down next to you! Totally in Awe-For-Bob you realize you're unable to speak to him, thus missing your only true shot at Dylan Nirvana. - your screen saver reads "Oh my God am I here all alone?!" - you know God loves Bob because in the aftermath of a total house fire you find that the only things that made it through are four Dylan tickets that were sandwiched between the top of the refrigerator and a cabinet that had fallen on top of them! (Absolutely true) - you bookmark all Dylan pages - even the ones in foreign languages you don't understand because hey, it's Dylan - you just traded in your JOKRMAN license plate for NTDRKYT - if you got your own personal 'look' from Jakob Dylan at a Wallflowers show for continually yelling for him to do a Bob song - if you knot your scarf like he does on the cover of BoB. - your telephone answering machine message says 'I'm not there I'm gone' - you've told your friends to play Danny Boy and The Lord's Prayer at your own funeral - you've purposely blown out a match so you can strike another match go start anew - you might look like Robert Ford but feel just like Jesse James - you've searched for the original versions of Stone Walls, Steel Bars and Rank Strangers by the Stanley Brothers - you feel your nerves are exploding and your body is tense and the whole world's got you pinned against the fence - you've tried chatting up somebody saying "What's a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?" - you always finish off letters you've written with 'Emotionally yours,' - you have three different takes of the original version of Broke Down Engine by Blind WillieMctell and Christy Moore doing the lakes of Pontchartrain and lost of old time and blues records in your house just in case Bob comes round, to make him feel at home - when conducting business you go out of your way to ask, "What was it you wanted?" or "What can I do for you?" - you go up to an English Professor and say "your very well read it's well known" - you went and bought the Steven Keene CD 'no alternative 'and Tim OBrien's CD 'Red on blonde' just to keep the bob connections going - you know the difference from a real blonde or a fake - when it's too hot to sleep, you get up and start singing to yourself "Well I've been up all night leaning on the windowsill" - you've been asked by your friends to baby sit their children and you finally get them to sleep, exhausted; then your friends call and you say to them, "the sweet pretty things are in bed now of course" - you go to see Queen Esther Marrow and the Harlem Gospel Singers at the Manchester Opera House because she once sang back up vocals for Bob - you have a poster of Bob in your bathroom - the staff at your local record outlet know you by name - you've woken up in an unknown place surrounded by multitudinous Dylan tapes, CD's, cigarettes, coffee, pharmaceudicals, and you had no idea how you got there (and you leave with recordings) - you opt for a home-based business so that you can spend that much more time enhancing your collection - you give Dylan recordings as presents to everyone - even people who you know don't like Dylan - because you believe that it's just a matter of time before one day they'll wake up and come around - you can recognize your own whistles and cheers on concert tapes. - you get pissed when you hear loud whistles and cheers on concert tapes - you're a cow! - when you want a smoke you say "Give the anarchist a cigarette" - you wear your jacket "precariously" draped over your shoulders even when it's 20 below out. - you suggest that Madonna (the singer, actress, and star) may have taken her name because Bob makes reference to Madonna in "Visions of Johanna" (there are people out there that believe this). (?) - you purposefully buy $11 worth of gas, so when the cashier says,"That'll be eleven dollar bills," You can say, "I only got ten." - when listening to your Forest Gump sound track, you become absolutely hysterical when one of your friends declares,"Boy, that Joan Baez wrote a really good song." - after running in a cross country race, you think to yourself,"It's a wonder that I still know how to breathe." - when your son comes up to you and is pointing at something you naturally respond,"What have you seen, my blue eyed son?" - whenever you see a saddle you examine it for blood. - you watched the 98 Grammies for only one reason. - you have made a vow to find 'Soy Bomb' boy and beat him senseless when you do. Nobody tries to upstage Bob. Nobody. (except maybe Ol' Dirty Bastard) - your best friend (who isn't a Dylan fan) calls you up to congratulate you upon Dylan's Grammy wins, then asks what the hell Soy Bomb means - when someone asks you if you think it's going to rain, you respond, "Don't look it like it will anytime soon." - you'd like to spend some time in Mozambique - you can play over 300 songs on your guitar but only 4 of them haven't been done by Bob - you bought the "Anthology of American Folk Music" and made notes of all the things to which Dylan referred. - the only bumper sticker on your car says "But To Live Outside The Law You Must Be Honest" - you live in the USA and bought the import version of "Unplugged" just for the "Love Minus Zero/No Limit" - on your last night together while vacationing in Maui, you leave your wife alone in the hotel room while you try to go and scalp tickets for a sold out Dylan concert. You invited her to come along in the first place, but when she asked, "what happens if you can only get one ticket", your reply was "then I'm going in alone and you can wait for me in the parking lot". (This is a true story - happened April 22, 1992 @ Royal Lahanina Tennis Stadium) - while your husband is out scalping tickets, you're hanging out w/ Bob at the sound check!! - you're used to telling people that this legend is still alive and productive - when Bob was ill you sent a message on the net to Shabetei (Bob's hebrew name) for a refuah scheleymoh (speedy recovery). - amongst your proudest moments are having a letter printed in Isis and the last issue of Telegraph - one of your favourite possessions is an autographed first edition copy of Griel Marcus' 'Invisible Republic' - you get all excited everytime you see that Duran Duran album with Bob on the cover, then curse Duran Duran to a painful stay in hell. But then again, you can't blame them for putting a picture of Bob on their own album cover - you search the poster of Rock n Roll's greatest stars and wonder why Bob isn't in the center with a halo. - your friends get mad when you refer to the Traveling Wilburys as "Bob and those other guys" - despite the fact that you are a vegetarian, you vow never again to eat soy. - you give a dirty look to the record store girl when she asks you who did The Basement Tapes. Extra points if you hit her. Additional extra points if you then buy her the CD - when dreaming of building a time machine, you don't think about going back and meeting Jesus or stopping Hitler, no- you think of going to Greenwhich in the early 60's. -you answer "Alias" when people ask what you're name is, and when they say Alias what? You answer, "Alias whatever you please." - you search out the entire Mexico City Billy the Kid outtakes just to hear Dylan say "This guy Jerry Fielding's gonna go nuts when he hears this!" - you can place any TUIB in the right tour after the first two chords, and by "red" you know which show it is - you wish Sam'd been here; he would have known what to do. - you have written a final verse to "Love Is Just A Four Letter Word" - you have edited your tapes of the never-ending tour into the ultimate live show, including every song he has performed live - and you listen to the entire thing every time you dub off a copy for a relative on their birthday. - you have made a careful analysis of Dylan's use of personal pronouns and have incorporated your findings into your own speech - you watch every Kyra Sedgewick movie you can get your hands on, simply becase she is related to Edie - you have heard Dylan play "Oxford Town" live, and remember it - you don't get out of your car (nor permit anyone else to leave) until the Dylan song that's playing is completely OVER - you think it's cool that you've corresponded with a guy whose friend's mother does Bob's mom's hair. - when you're listening to Neil Young (which would be an extremely rare occurance because you only listen to BOB), you've got to turn up the sound -- but then someone always tells you to turn it down, so you just put Bob back on - you think Bob got screwed at the Hyde Park show getting stuck behind those has-beens The Who and Clapton on the bill. - you didn't really believe, as Bob said in his early days, that he'd been a clean up boy and worked the ferris wheel at a Carvival in Sioux Falls and that he had an uncle who was a dealer in Vegas, but it doesn't matter anyhow, 'cause, who cares man? - you did believe, as Bob said to Keith Richards that he could have written 'Satisfaction', but that Mick and Keith couldn't have written 'Desolation Row' - you're painfully bursting to go to the bathroom during a concert, but you don't go because you might miss a number and you won't get the songs down on your set list (true) - you've got a fantastic collection of stamps to win friends and influence your uncle. - you know the sun ain't yellow, it's chicken - you have Lenny Bruce records in your house - you dreamed that you bumped into Larry Campbell, Tony Garnier, Bucky Baxter, and David Kemper and said "Take me to your leader" - but then you remembered that Bob said "Don't follow leaders, watch the parking meters", so then you said, "Nevermind" - even though you still wouldn't mind meeting Bob - either you're one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind or you're troubled and you don't know why....... but it don't matter none - you can sing certain phrases to yourself for hours and hours, such as: "baby please stop cryring, stop crying, stop crying", "all the tired horses in the sun.....", "knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door", or "I ain't gonna go to hell for anybody" - you learn french solely for the purpose of reading Rimbaud in the original language. - you refer to Bob, Jakob, & Jerry Garcia as the father, son, & holy ghost. - you schedule a meeting with the Dean of Students to seriously discuss your concern over the absence of a major concerning Dylan. - you include a Dylan reference in your college admittance essay. - you include Dylan somewhere on your resume - you can have a complete conversation with a Dylan fan by only mentioning dates. - you're often late to work because you can't decide what Dylan to play on your commute - whenever you hear Stevie Ray Vaughn or Eddie Van Halen, you picture in your mind Bob at the guitar - your parrot knows the lyrics to "Highlands" - you've hooked up at least a dozen newbies - if you didn't know whether to duck or to run, so you ran - you get naked, paint yourself blue and go chase strippers around asking if they can tie your shoes. But, strange enough, your're not wearing shoes! - you have never met him but swear the love you feel for him is mutual. - your sister passes away, per her request, throw her ashes into the Pacific, Vision of Johanna blasting in the background (with time left over to hear more Blonde on Blonde). true - you keep screaming out your phone number in the 5th row of a concert. - your friends are understanding but embarrassed & concerned - you get into actual FIGHTS arguing with people about him. - you actually date a producer who knows him....and you're quite obnoxious with questions. - you spoted his vacination mark on the right upper forearm and thought about it for long periods of time - you trust yourself - you own bootleg tapes of the Golden Chords - you know how to play "One Eyed Jacks" you think that The Velvet Underground song "Guess I'm Falling In Love" is proof that Lou Reed stole all his ideas from Dylan. - you go to see Beck in concert just to see whether he mentions Dylan between songs. - you book into a hotel under the name Elston Gunn. - you only play guitars of a brand that Dylan has played. - you listen to David Bowie just to hear Mick Ronson. - you can identify all the folk songs whose melodies Dylan took for his early songs. - you spend hours debating whether or not you are happy that Pamela Anderson named her baby Dylan Jagger - you have two indentations on your chest from wearing a harmonica rack all the time. - you buy copies of Shane and all other movies that Bob has said he likes. - you are just waiting for Will Oldham to write a song that is obviously a Dylan rip-off. - you have drawn a schematic diagram on a blackboard to show a history class how all music centers around Dylan. - you actually bought the 20 carat gold "collectors edition" of Highway 61 Revisited. - you've been on a tour of England looking for places that were in "Don't Look Back". - you listen up every time Minnesota is mentioned on TV. - someone's got a hold of your heart, someone's got a hold of your heart, someone's got a hold of your heart, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone's got a hold of your heart. - You've ever performed a song from "Slow Train" in church. - You insist that Rubin Carter could kick Evander Holyfield's butt. - You've ever used the line "If you gotta go, go now, or else you got to stay all night." - you might like to drink whiskey, you might like to drink milk. - during card night, you take on the persona of "Rambling, Gambling Willie." - if your five year old son asks: "Is it Dylan playin on the tape or is it you, dad?" - you can't understand why Love Minus Zero / No Limit isn't on a greatest hits album. - you print out the lyrics to your favorite Bob songs and read them in school during class. - when someone asks you for collateral and you pull down your pants. - your family knows all the words to his songs, and they don't even like him. - you have a locket with his picture in it. - when you quote lyrics in your email signatures....and change them with the seasons - you worship at the Church of Bobberday Saints. - you have a seizure when your walkman runs out of batteries, and there's no Dylan for the day. - you become upset when someone asks you why you don't like the Wallflowers better. - you visit Medieval castles just to say you've been all along the watchtower. - you go to a Dylan show, screaming "Hurricane" at the top of your lungs, after every song until two Hippies tell you to shut up -- finally you give up after an hour and yell "Leopard-Skin Pill Box Cap" only to have Bob look at his guitar player, look around, smile, and rip into it -- Quieting the hippies and causing an older gentleman to turn around and faint..... (Tussey Mountain, PA Summer of 97') - when you take your vacation, and set out to find Henry Porter, or even Ruby will do. - you steal magazines at the doctor's office if they have a pix of Bob in them, even though you already have it at home - you're sick & tired of all these people naming their kids Dylan---There can be only one. - you watched the final Seinfeld episode only to see Bob in the Apple Computer ad. - when you hit on your girlfriend back in the college days by writing her Dylan poetry as your own-- not knowing she was a Dylan fan herself! She calls you on it and are so impressed by her Bob knowledge you instantly propose. (What better way to start a relationship?!) - if Catfish Hunter is your favorite baseball player, even if you hate the Yankees - you break up with a girlfriend because she thinks that "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" was written by Guns and Roses -your wardrobe consists of four Bob shirts, which you alternate on certain days. -You've watched Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid millions of times and know all of his lines. (I got me a turkey!!!) - when you're watching a scene starring Bob Dylan and Bob Neuwirth in "Don't Look Back" , your girlfriend's 3 year-old daughter says, "Look Eddie, that's you! Yeah, and there's your cousin!" - you attribute Hootie & The Blowfish's intense but shortly-lived popularity to the fact that they used Dylan lyrics outright. - your high school student council president announces at graduation that it is Bob Dylan's birthday, and half the students turn around and look at you (true story...I graduated on May 24th, 1997..the other half of the students looked at this guy Joey who is a walking talking bob dylan clone...it's disturbing) - you know you're a dylan fan when you own a copy of Zimmerman Blues, the first fanzine about bob, or any rocker for that matter - your deck of cards is missing the jack and the ace. - when ever some dies in ganster movies you always say, "What made them want to come and blow him away?" - when you recieve praise you say, "Thanks everybody." - you think its cool to dress like a cowboy. - you feel somehow proud of Jakob as if he was your son. - when you are confused about something asked you answer, "Do I understand your question?" - you want the words to "I'll Remember You" put on your tombstone. - you want the words to "Don't Ya Tell Henry" put on your tombstone - you want the words to "Tombstone Blues" put on your tombstone - if someone asks you if you can handle something you say, "Yes, I think it can be easily done." - you meet an attractive person who was born on May 24 and you think its a sign. - you make it your personal mission to get people into Bob. - you make it your personal mission to get people into Bob because then you have more people to talk about him with and you could even get copies of their boots. - you briefly considered yourself a "property of Jesus" in the early 1980s. - you know that only Bob could have a duet with himself in his cover of "The Boxer", because no sings like Dylan. - when you a waiter and someone kept talking to you, you would answer, "I gotta serve somebody." - if asked where your going for vaction you say, "Goin' to Acapulco." When they ask how your going to get there you answer, "Goin' on the run." Then when they ask what you'll do there you respond, "Goin' down to see fat gut." - you carry Dylan lyrics around with you and leave it on the coffee table for others to enjoy in. - when your asked about Beatles & Dylan, you gleefully tell the story of how Paul played "Revolver" for Bob, saying how great it was. But when Bob played "Blonde on Blonde" for Paul, McCartney threw up his hands and said, "There's no way we can be better then you." - when you and your loved one have a fight you say, "Is your love in vain?" - you have dated the ugliest girl in the world. - you think about what it would be like if dogs ran free. - you get teary eyed when you go to the Columbia website to check out Bob lyrics and see dozens of songs you may never hear. - you visted Jack Kerouac's grave in Lowell, Mass just because Bob and Allen Ginsburg had. - you often repine for the days of old in the days of gold when they dug up the gold in the Days of '49 - every time you call home and your mother hears Bob in the background, she mentions the time that she saw him play "Visions of Johanna" and you want to hang up on her because of jealousy -you get a headache when you don't listen to enough Bob. - your wifes wedding ring inscription reads "No llores mi querida," and yours "Dios nos vigila." and the two of you are still waiting for the horse to come and you up ever since! (Based on a true story that happened in the Netherlands on 10-9-87.) - if you buy a $3.00 Dylan patch at one of his concerts and instead of ironing the patch to your jacket, you decide to get a tattoo of the patch on your arm. -You're sitting in a London hotel bar with George Harrison, Van Morrison, Chrissie Hynde and Ronnie Wood around you till about 4 AM in the morning, frustrated because Bob decided to go straight up to his hotel room after his last concert on the tour and refused to come down to show up and meet his friends. Only got to talk to a Beatle, a Rolling Stone, a Pretender and Van the Man, wasn't worth lossing so much sleep over. - when you're softly singing "Carribean Wind" on a bus and the person opposite to you begins to sing along - you know that the "Royal Albert Hall" boot was recorded at the Manchester Free Trade Hall a few days earlier because you were at both gigs. - you write to the Duke of Edinburgh and ask if he's found dignity. - you think John Wesley Hardin and Joey Gallo wern't such bad guys afterall. - when you hear a cricket chimnin' in your garden, you open your window and fill a bucket of water, because the water has to be high. - when you wear a blue denim jacket you keep the left pocket unbottened because that's how it looks on Greatest Hits II/ Bangledesh - you see her and you say hello. - you taped Wyclef Jeans video 'Gone til November' just to see Bob's 3 second guest shot in it. - when the circus is in town, you go and see if the jugglers and clowns do tricks for you - you purposely don't wear a watch, so when someone asks you the time, you say I aint got no watch and you keep asking me what time it is - you want to come back in your next life as the Reincarnation of Paul Revere's horse - you contemplate a sight seeing holiday in Denmark - first stop Hamlet's Castle of course - you grounded your daughter just so you can say 'you ain't going no where' - when Lauren Bacall kissed Bob on the cheek at the Kennedy Center awards ceremony you wished it could have been you - you bought a CD by the late egyptian singer OM Karlsom ( a Bob favorite) and you really enjoyed it. - you wake up thinking about Bob, you think about him all day, you go to sleep thinking about him, lets face it, you love Bob. - you were born in 78 and your mother was born in 45, and the first time she ever heard Bob was when you dragged her to a concert cause you had no one else to go with...and she had a great time! (true! my mom is almost 53 and i am 20, and she somehow missed the 60's...she was married and majoring in classical piano and nutrition. she likes bob now!) - you argue with your friends cause they think he's "creepy" but they still call you when he's on TV and collect magazines with his picture for you. - you insist that your significant other choose a bob song to be "your" song. - you are on a first name basis with Bob, even though you have never met. - you printed out a copy of the "you know your a dylan fan if..." to show your family and they highlighted the entries that they thought applied to you, and you pretended to be embarassed, but were secretly flattered. - you went to a concert with someone you hated, just to get a ride. the car breaks down in center city philly, after dark, in the pouring rain. figuring that even though you are a small female, your companion is rather large and mean, so you make him walk you to the concert and that since you are stuck in philly, you might as well see the show. you totally enjoy the concert, although you are soaked to the skin. you argue with your friends cause they think he's "creepy" but they still call you when he's on tv and collect magazines with his picture for you. you insist that your significant other choose a bob song to be "your" song. you are on a first name basis with bob, even though you have never met. you printed out a copy of the "you know your a dylan fan if..." to show your family and they highlighted the entries that they thought applied to you, and you pretended to be embarassed, but were secretly flattered. - when CDs first came out - your first 17 CDs were all Dylan CDs - you only learn to play the guitar to play all Dylan songs - if after you profess your love to your mate you say, "TS Eliot said that" - you're entering your fourth year of higher learning and you are a rooming assignment pariah because all your friends and aquaintences know your listening habits - over Memorial Day weekend you hung up the U.S. flag, and a flag with Bob's head on it because it was his birthday. (you also had a cake and streamers.) - you read in the newspaper that Bill Clinton's approval rating remains high and you think: "In the federal city you been blown and shown pity". - you take your potatoes down to be mashed - you paid $45 bucks for a copy of Guitars Kissing and the Contemporary Fix, but are damn certain you will be buying volumes 4 & 5 of the Bootleg Series when they come out. (Finally!) - you can't wait to hear Bob's voice when he turns 80 - you cheered him on during his "argument" with the science student in 'Don't Look Back.' - even your grandmother knows that Dylan wrote a song called "Can you please crawl out your window" - you know The High Sheriff's Lady. - if you give up a two month graduation trip to Europe because you won tickets to see Bob, with a back stage pass, and eighty bucks worth of his cd's on a call in radio show. (the concert was on the night you were supposed to land in Rome) - you get offended when someone else says that they're the biggest Dylan fan of all time. - you nearly shedded tears of joy when you first heard "la la la la-la la-la-la" at the beginning of The Big Lebowski. - you tell people that they don't get half the jokes in Bob Roberts. - you're walkin' down that dirt road 'til some let's you ride. - you name your Harley - "Series of Dreams" - in your high-school library and you get into a music disscusion. Then, one dumb-ass says that Phish's lyrics rival Dylan. (Sad as this is, it is a true story.) You blow up and are asked to calm down or leave the library. You continue screaming. - whenever you drive, you sing along with Bob as loud as you can--and have lost friends over this. - you buy your own Kix cereal so that you don't have to let other people get your Kix for you. [shut up - this is funny!] - for anything that happens in your life, a pertinent corresponding Bob song will automatically play in your head - your parents(Mr. and Mrs. Haren) named you John Wesly Haren, and you're a female! (true) - in your school, very few people know you as anything else but "That Bob Dylan girl." -You have had entire conversations with other fans consisting of only Dylan lyrics. - you have pulled many all-nighters, but would NEVER take No-Doz. - even though you aren't a musician, you spend your time dreaming up set-lists of Bob songs for the concerts you WOULD played if you were. And you are convinced that it is a worthwhile activity. - you paid $30 for the Ralph Stanley bluegrass tribute album just to hear Bob's lone track. - when faced with a difficult situation you often gain valuable perspective by asking "What would Bob do?" - you got divorced and actually credit the lyrics of "Most Likely You Go Your Way and I'll Go Mine" with helping you make it through the entire process - after dating someone wonderful for several weeks, you tell them (and truly mean it) "You took my reality and cast it to the wind. And I ain't never gonna be the same again." - When your taking the SAT's and one of the reading passages mentions him and you have keep you excitement to yourself. Then after thinking about it decide your gonna' do well because the fact it had a Dylan reference must be a sign. (true story) -you stay in your kitchen and have picnics in your bathroom. - it's May the 24th your girlfriend is about to give birth but it's getting close to 12:00pm and you keep asking the nurse if the baby will be born before twelve - and even if it's not his middle name is going to be Dylan cos it's still going to be the 24th in the US when he is born - but luckily he makes his appearance with twenty minutes to go and you immediately start singing "Forever Young". - you walk like Bo Diddley - no matter WHAT happens, your old Bob Dylan records are therapy - you plan your own funeral,(just in case you go suddenly) and make everybody promise to play Bob Dylan records at the Wake as loud as possible all day, and "see that my grave is kept clean" in church - you bought an Egyptian ring that sparkles before you speak - Bob has ever winked at YOU in concert. - any of the roadies have ever winked at you - whenever someone asks you what time it is, you look at your watch, you look at your wrist, and then punch yourself in the face with your fist. - you have had a serious argument with your significant other about using a "Dylan" screen-saver - you know who he's talkin' to, most of the time. - when you know who the neighborhood bully is - when you blame everything on a simple twist of fate - the man wants 11 dollar bills and you only got 10. - you get pulled over and you ask the cop "Have you seen dignity?" - you nearly pass out when the question that wins you a game of Trivial Pursuit is: "Who was born with the name Robert Zimmerman?" A miracle! - while standing in Central Park listening to a street musician play trumpet, you steal his mouthpiece and brag that you now own the fools gold mouthpiece from the original hollow horn. - you grew up in the city and have become accustomed to the sight of homeless people, but decided to volunteer regularly in a soup kitchen after hearing "Only a hobo" - while running for office you consider eating bagels and pizza as a vote-winning strategy. - whenever you introduce your mother, you tell them that she's the brains behind pa. - you have pondered the significance of the fact that young Zimmerman and Greyhound Bus Lines were started in the same town. - you have made a pilgramage to the hospital that Dylan once made a pilgramage to, just to see the place where he first met and spoke with Woody Guthrie. - you have often argued that without Nashville Skyline, country and rock would have never been married. - you have succesfully convinced someone that Dylan is more widely quoted than Shakespeare. - you console yourself daily with the thought that goodness hides behind its gates. - one of the happiest moments in your life was when he gave you one of his "looks" in concert and you still tell people about it - after you win the lottery the first thing you buy is 40 red white and blue shoe-strings and a thousands telephones that dont ring and you ask "Do you know where I can get rid of these things? - when you speak and think and write in rhyme - you threw the dums a bime in your prime - all your senses have been stripped. - even if the flesh falls off of your face, somebody's there to care. - you believe that the lines: "Suddenly I turned around and she was standing there, with silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair. She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns, come in she said I'll give ya' shelter from the storm" - is one of the most beautiful things you've ever heard...... - if when talking with your new friend, they say, "...you like Dylan right? Where's he from? You have the same slur" - you went to a high school named Durango and are still searching for romance - the camp that you worked at now uses "Mighty Quinn" as one of its camp songs. - if you walk into a bootleg record store with your two year old son, who exclaims "Bob Dylan!" when he sees bob field recordings in the display, leaving the workers in shock - you have a twelve year old who knows where Delacroix is - you deliver your first son while listening to Forever Young, name him Dylan, and years later enjoy the MSG "Bobfest" with said son-and can now die a happy woman... - if when your child asks you for something they start off with "There's one kind of favor I'll ask of you" - you go to Juarez at Easter and get lost in the rain, just to see if your gravity will fail and whether negativity will pull you through - during the Clinton/Lewinsky confession (aka "The Ejaculation Proclamation"), you thought (2 points), recited (4 points) or sang (5 points): "Sometimes even the President of the United States must have to stand NAKED....." but THEN you think "obscenity-who really cares?" - when on holiday in Florida you bought the US version of Unplugged even though you have the UK version - only because there is no whilsting on the "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" track - you picked your college entirely on the basis of the fact that it offers a course on Bob Dylan (Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia, Canada). - the greatest night of your life was the night you were suspended from boarding school for sneaking out to attend a Bob Dylan concert. - you're running and have to cross the street to get away from a mangy dog. - you remove the tape of the last show you saw from your car's tape deck before running into the post office for 2 minutes because if the car got stolen, hey, you'd still have the tape. - if you lit a fire on main street and shot it full of holes - your family budget has an entry-Dylan/Tapes, tickets, etc. - you rented the pornos "Lay Lady Lay" & "Blonde On Blonde" just to see if there was any Dylan content - when someone says you would actually pay $30 to watch him mumble on stage, you reply -- "I would pay $100 to watch him eat lunch!" - and you really mean it. - you broke down in front of the judge and cried real tears. - you've seen love go by your door. - you drove your car as far as you could & abandoned it out West. - you can't help it if you're lucky. - you ain't no monkey but you know what you like. - you don't wanna burn nobody, don't wanna be burned. - you always have respect in her for doin' what she did in gettin' free - you can't figure out why your ex-girlfriend was bad for you until you hear all the resemblances in "She's your lover now." - you know that Bob NEVER misses a note! - you've paid the price of solitude to get out of debt - you steal your friend's Trivial Pursuit card that asks "Who began life as Robert Zimmerman?" - your brother gives you a bottle of limited edition Bob Dylan wine for Christmas and you can never open it. - when you see that the pump at the gas station is broken, you tell the attendent that "the pump don't work 'cause the vandals took the handles" - your daughter was born to "New Morning" - you donate a Dylan CD to the uptown bar you most frequently visit so they have some good music to listen to when you are there - your ex named Melinda leaves you after the 302nd time she's called "the goddess of gloom." - people just get uglier and you have no sense of time. - you only speak in Bob-lyrics - you hated the Beatles song "YESTERDAY", until you heard the dylan&harrison session on 5-1-70 - you jumped on stage at a show and shook hands with Dylan, and told him that , you were a guitar player and you played all his songs, and he looks you in the eye and says "Thanks a lot kid!" and you are only fifteen years old!!!!! ( true story ) (by: STAVROS it happend on 9-28-95, sunrise,FLA) - you've heard Dylan's rap on "Street Rock"on Kurtis Blow's album - you know that there is no word "watchtower" in the Hebrew Book of Isaia- and that there are at least three alternative meanings to the word TSAFIT. One is MITZPE (observation point) and the other is Tzafit (no one know what it really means). Tsafit was translated as "watchtower" but most likely means tablecloth, but their are many other speculations. - you think that the day Medger Evers was buried seems more like an historical eve

So, it's Neil by a whisker.

I love them both - musically - but hate all that I know about both of them. Their biographies make them out to be incredibly self centred and obnoxious. But if I had to choose it would be Bob every time. Whilst Neil has an original way with a guitar and a great voice, Bob's lyrics are just way way ahead - and he can sing pretty well too.

No. For my money, Bryan Ferry is the best ever Bob Dylan impersonator. Neil doesn't sound a bit like him.

Neither does Bryan Ferry - Ferry has a lovely deep sexy voice, and Bob's is throaty and tuneless. (Sorry guys) Ooh, I have had a lovely weekend!