Vroom Vroom

That would be one of those that Larph drives then.

uhh...I meant 'bumper cars.' *rented fingers*

L, have never admitted this in public before, trembles, but also have a vauxhall estate. *awaits witty acrostic* Mrs. S. is currently insisting that I use the vauxhall pile of shite and that the dead mondeo is resurrected as either a mx-5, rx-8, mini cooper, pug 206cc, and so on for her exclusive use. I tried to point out that, at my age, it should be me that drives the sporty, long bonneted, bmw penis-machine. She just laughed.

I always wanted a volvo Missi, when I bought my first couple of cars it was always at auctions for about £150 (I had an ex taxi cavalier and an old cream sierra) I would look at the volvo 440s, all old and all running like new, no rust, lights on etc. From a skinflint POV they were like the dream car. They were always out of my price range unfortunately but I got my money's worth out of the other cheapies I bought.

by the way Liana, well done you, I told my little red van, Jessie, about your new car and she got the horn! (..she..horn...doesn't work does it?!)

Oh, the van looked like a Jesse rather than a Jessie to me Ely, so I would say the horn from Jesse was quite acceptable. And definitely preferable.

Up until recently Ely (and maybe even still) the only 'real' Volvos were the big ones (I have owned a 245, a 240 and currently a 940, all estates) all built in Sweden. The smaller ones were and are to my knowledge, made in the old Daf factory in Holland I believe. In fact for a while the last of the small belt-driven Dafs wer re-badged as Volvo 66's I seem to remember. When Volvo first started to build cars they really only designed and built the bodies, the mechanical parts including the engines were bought from Ford (who now own Volvo) and were Consul parts. The main problem with modern Volvos is the cost of spare parts, a replacement dolly-bird for the passenger seat is beyond the reach of my wallet.

I used to drive a volvo... i wanted something sturdy. A year later I had arms like popeye and my left calf (attached to the foot i used for the clutch) was the size of a rugby players neck, but it was a damn reliable car..

*calls Direct Line to increase cover*

I got a new website. 18,000 previous owners, loads of stories and poems on the clock, a few bumps and dents but we're ironing them out. Hope to add fuel injection shortly.

Don't forget an ejector seat Tony!

Something sturdy, eh? *sigh*

ah, but my car looks beautiful...

I still maintain you should have gone for the Skoda, they don't have much street cred but that's a big plus. NO ONE wants to admit wrecking their clapped out old Escort by rear-ending an Eastern Bloc skip.

DAF!! That's what it was called, that little yellowish tank-thing that all the kids laughed at and wouldn't get in, preferring to walk the two miles to the nearest park rather than risk the chance they might be seen sitting in the car.... so it was a prototype Volvo then? Hmmm... not sure that gets me any more street-cred points. I have got a car, but I don't think I will ever get another car (even when this one finally falls apart) the way my finances are looking. Cars eat money yum yum

it was a skoda that hit my last car... you shouldve seen the state of it. brrr..

The Daf wasn't a prototype Volvo pais. Volvo bought the Daf company (or at least the car-making division) and whilst they were designing new models for the factory to produce, just carried on producing the old Daf model with a Volvo badge. And yes, it was a horrible piece of shite, I wouldn't have used one for my dustbin.

Well I forgot to add that for Skoda owners rear-ending anything carrries a degree of prestige that other car-owners can only dream about. Seems like my theory is disintegrating by the minute.

And there's also the well-known fact in Eastern Europe that the Czech word 'skoda' is extremely close in spelling and pronunciation to a Polish word which means 'what a pity.' Anyhoo, congrats on yah new wheels, L.

Yes, skoda means "shame" in czech... Got to love their sense of humour eh?

lol I once knew a guy who rolled his rolls which (as he wasn't hurt) seemed quite funny at the time

When I lived in Greenwich Ct, I once followed a Rolls along the Post Road for a couple of miles and watched as the driver spent the entire time looking in the rear view mirror and picking his nose. It offered perspective on the wealthy that is not mentioned nearly enough.

The advantage of owning a Skoda is that it's highly unliely any joy-riders or boy racers will nick it to show off to their mates.

all is now painfully clear..... i bet "Daf" was a Swedish acronym for "Economical Cars for People-with-No-Sense-of-Style"

Surely an advantage to get a skoda nicked?

Was DAF an East European car??

OK how many of you abc advice offerers have ever owned a Skoda? (I was once co-owner of a one-syllable Eastern European vehicle coloured yellowish. It drove like a tank whose secondhand engine was found lying in a ditch and given a rub with a greasy cloth before wiring it in. It was called a Dat or a Bap or something. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.) How many.....? You, mississippi? Closet Skoda fetishist perhaps? You, Karl? Arent Skodas made by VW these days?

No, no guilty Skoda pleasures I'm afraid. But my mum once had a car that she fired up with a starter-handle, no less. If you've ever seen a starter-handle fly off a mixer, you'll know that it's capable of leaping in any direction, breaking bones or whatever it comes into contact with. Amazing that they forced housewives to start their car this way.

Skodas produced these days are beautiful. They are still made in the Cz... the original Felicia made in the 50's was a truly gorgeous car... until the commies came in and ruined everything, skodas were fine... in fact there even used to be a skoda formula one team. No, I wouldnt drive one. Though I have driven miles in a Trabant though, which was simultaneously great fun and hideously embarrassing.

pais, though not in the slightest bit fashion conscious or worried about street cred, I wouldn't own a Skoda on the basis that in the course of my work in the late 20ct I had to work on a couple of them. I found that some parts were highly interchangeable with some of the farm machinery I normally had to fix. I am in fact a Volvo driver being on my 3rd one in the last 20yrs. They are comfortable, reliable, built like battleships and contrary to popular opinion are these days, very quick. I also come off best in practically all of my weekly crashes!

Ralph Dartford keeps telling me I drive a Mondeo, so I suppose I must do. I'm suspicious that there may be a joke in there somewhere, but for the life of me I can't find it. It's probably the sort of joke that only famous show biz types understand. He also tends to finish off his insults with comments about listening to Kenny G, and again I feel rather silly in that I don't get the joke. It's no doubt another celebrity theatre type gag, but I'm afraid it's lost on me. I suspect he's read a book that promises to decipher a person's personality by the type of car he drives, the music he listens to and, oh yes, the newspaper he reads. But I haven't read the book so I don't get the jokes. I've a feeling, however, that Dartford's using the skills outlined in the book in reverse. In other words he utilises his innate understanding of people's characters and personality traits (gained from years of hob-nobbing with the "in" crowd) and then decided what car they drive, what music they listen to and what newspaper they read. If so, either the book's crap or he's a poor judge of people, because he's wrong on all three accounts. Best to just humour him though, I suppose. But if a person doesn't understand an insult about them, it's quite ineffectual, isn't it? .

No Liana, it was a Dutch company. I believe there is/was a Russian car called a Zif?

oh.. its just that i thought Pais said she had an east euro car yellowy colour with a name of one syllable. Its late, and ive been counting syllables all evening.

Well, volvo indeed! That's what I drove for 14 years (one car mind you) before leaving the US in 1995. I haven't had a need for a car since then, but generally I liked the volvo. Mine was a 1981 model, so they've made some changes since then. Towards the end, mine needed a lot of repairs, sadly, but then again, I owned it for 14 years. I've never been into cars myself, which, among other things, seriously draws into question the bone fides of my US citizenship. I hope to get through the rest of my life without owning one. Driving is ok; it's car ownership I don't like.

Zil.

skip?

Of course Eamonn, how Zilly of me. (Just remembered a 'ZIF' is a 'zero insertion force' CPU socket on a PC motherboard.)

I have a dead M reg mondeo in my drive. WLTM mechanic for romantic c/locking, oil leaking, lights out.

I hate mentioning cars in the company of those who know about them, makes me feel ignorant. It's a world I hope to learn about in the near future. I always thought it would be a good idea to have a TV prog about basic mechanics etc for people like me who would appreciate a few simple tips on oil change and the like. It's not rocket science and would save people a fortune,. They have so many bloody DIY programmes out there and the likes of B&Q have made millions out of the market. You'd have thought, what with the popularity of cars and that practically everyone has one, that there'd be just as many DIY mechanics programmes. I'd watch and then next time some grease monkey turned away from my meagre motor and told me I'd best sit down, I might have a clue what he was talking about.

And you laughed at me driving a car which was made by a firm that made lightbulbs Col... you have a ford!! Bits of tin, bits of board? Fix Or Repair Daily Get a mazzy :o)

FIAT= Fix It Again Tony

Fords have always been referred to in Essex as 'Dagenham Dustbins' in spite of the fact that most are now made as far afield as the Midlands and Spain.

My father-in-law spent most of his life working for Jaguar's in the Midlands. It enabled my wife to recently buy a brand new Focus at 20 percent (you can't write % can you?) discount, so I'll have nothing said about Ford. For my part, I got a pair of To-Tector trainers out of the deal.

Oh, you can write %.

Bet the trainers last longer than the car... :o)

I bet they do. I don't wear them.

Did she get the car for 20 % off the normal price (not that much of a bargain really) or 20% OF the normal price (ie -80%)?? Like most people, I've always loved the look of a jag, but I rode in one once, and I felt like I was in one of those bumber cars at the carnival. There was no interior room at all.

bumber cars? *grins madly*