Hopeless Devotion

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Sat, 2003-10-18 18:16

Claireb1982-(un...

Hopeless Devotion

I stumble to the grubby mirror, blurry eyed and feeling dirty
A girl stares back, looking absolutely revolted
And I blush
I crawl to my bed and hide under the covers
I plan to stay here forever
And cry

I picture your face and a foul taste appears in my mouth,
I picture your eyes –
Blue-green pools brimming with life, lust and longing
My heart begins to pound
And my nerves start to feel a little irritated
Suspicion and guilt creep under my blanket of shame
Choking me
I can’t even find the right hiding place anymore

I re-read your letters over and over and over again
Romantic, passionate, destructive
Becoming more bitter and veiled in recent months
Promises concealing secrets,
Secrets distorting lies
The glittering future we had planned
Has sank beneath the murky depths of my self pity

The jealousy and panic make me sweat
And I can’t rest
And I can’t breathe
And I can’t find a suitable distraction anywhere
And I love you
It sounds so poisonous these days
Our love is rotten,
Gloriously miserable
Deadly. Deathless

You think I love you to punish you
I think the same
I think you love me out of pity
You don’t deny it
You say I’m paranoid
To the point of being crazy
I say I love you
Which is why I get so scared
And by the look on your face
I don’t think you’ll ever understand…

Sat, 2003-10-18 21:55

boybrowne

claire, it feels like i have found the key to your diary. oh don't worry i have already pressed it in the dove soap.........

Sat, 2003-10-18 22:01

Claireb1982

tragic aren't I?

Sun, 2003-10-19 03:42

Steven

I like the idea of "loving someone" to punish them... it has some truth in it, a kind of erotic irony. It's a very good poem, and I also like the line... "you think I am paranoid/ to the point of being crazy." That's a very powerful, truthful line. That's what males always accuse females of being. You can continue with the stanza that begins "Our love is rotten..." with a more concrete simile and then say "Deadly, destructive... etc." I'd also like to know the qualities that this person has that makes the narrator so hopelessly devoted to him. I did not see that in the poem. In the poem, he sounds like a class-A manipulator.

Sun, 2003-10-19 10:06

Claireb1982

Hi Steven Thank you for your comments. The male isn't supposed to be anybody special, but the girl has convinced herself that she couldnt live without him. He does love her, but he doesnt need her whereas she depends on him completely. He doesn't understand why she gets so unhappy, and because he never seems to show much emotion toward her, she assumes he's having an affair. They have the opportunity to be happy, but she is destroying it by almost forcing him to leave her, that way she'll have been proved right. It needs quite a bit of work, the message doesn't come across to clear. I'd like to go in to a bit more detail about what she had done the night before to feel so ashamed at the beginning, but I'm a bit stuck at the mo. Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to read this poem. x

Mon, 2003-10-20 01:08

Steven

The devotion that she shows to him seems almost religious. I liked the poem very much... but yes, if you can give some background to the stark manner in which she appears in the beginning of the poem, that would be very nice.

Mon, 2003-10-20 20:37

Claireb1982

Thanks again Steven, I'll let you know how it turns out. x

Fri, 2003-10-24 11:39

Tollam

Great poem Claire. You've really captured the ugly truth of it. Sometimes the greatest, most passionate love can be destructive and hurtful either intentionally, by design, or unknowingly. "Our love is rotten" Great! [%sig%]

Fri, 2003-10-24 11:59

Claireb1982

Thanks Tollam, it's great to know people like this poem as I wasn't sure about it at first.

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