desperatly need help...
Sun, 2003-11-16 23:17
#1
desperatly need help...
this is going to sound rather silly probably, but I've been sitting here bashing my head against things for half an hour on it....
"It was not too long past
That our hands had touched
In flesh and in shadows cast..."
now I just need a rhyme for "touched"...its about the last curtain call of a play in which one of the cast memebers has fallen in love with another, in case that helps....arrrgh.....I just can't get it....thanks in advance for any help you guy....I appreciate it...could be wrose....I could be trying to rhyme "orange"....
d.beswetherick
the moment clutched
andrew pack
You could try our hands brushed... seems to me there are more likely rhymes for that - or our hands met.
I'm no poet, but when you're trying to force a word to rhyme, it is generally a good indication that what you're going to end up with will seem forced. Best to go back and think about what you want the lines to convey.
Vicky
I agree with Tony about re thinking the lines so as not to force them...brushed is an excellent idea
although it's also a word close enough to rhyme with touched if u need to keep the previous lines in
other than that u could try hushed, rushed or any thing like that
great lirics by the way i have to force myself not to steal them, my brain has a complulsive need to rhyme things... ;)
Let us know how it goes
Vicky
jaybird
How about changing it to "The touch of our hands"
"Stopped time's flowing sands"