Writing for `Neighbours`

LOL - too true. In Rising Camp, the next lodger book, Honza buys Andy cable tv so I had great fun going through tv guides looking for awful programmes. My favourite was safe cigarette - a documentary about a safe cigarette. Andy liked that one. The Games is definitely going in the third one. Thanks.

why doesn't the one who's not Ralph just sign him/herself 'The Fake Ralph', then we'd all know where we were? ps I'm not Fake Ralph or Real Ralph

What! and spoil the game?

Keetees, evrybody nows I'm the real ralph. But i dont know who you are. Com along to the bloombury and intraduce your self, i'll fix you up with some freebys. smashing chin chin Ralph

OOh yes there's a lady long jumper called Jade Harris or something, GGGGorgeous. Do you remember the Colemanballsup when he was commentating on the women sprint race, apparently according to David the winner " Opened her legs to get the prize."

Joyce madauaka? bing bing bong

Jade,Denise and Joyce COR!!!!! i wouldn't mind altering their training schedules i can tell you. Skeeter what are we talking about?

wow, someone who wrote for neighbours? me and my mum were arguing about how todd died. i was sure he was electrocuted, i remember his hair standing on end, but apparantly he was run over...anyways..nice work! i've been hooked since about i was about 10. streuth, thats about 15 years of fine neighbours moments...how did you get to be doing that?i'm well impressed even if noone else seems to be!

Cor! triple cor!! I wouldn't push them out of bed. Right, thats it, when I'm finished with Sade, I'm having that Joyce, if I can catch her. She's a bit quick. dunno flash, its just testosterone or something. But arent they though? Cor!

I hjad tea with Her Majesty the other day. She said' "Raiph, are you any good at lancing bunions, because I have a cracker of a one down here." Do you know, I cried.

You are saddos. Find a real woman, stop googling them on telly

I thought soap operas were funny because they were so bad! When I'm flipping through the channels in the daytime, I usually stumble upon a soap opera, watch it, mumble some sarcastic remark, and flip the channel. Then again, I live in the US, and ... I've never seen a British Soap. I guess soap operas are the least popular in the US than they are anywhere. We like to make fun of 'em, though! Welcome to the site!

Is Joe Mangle still visiting the old lady with the 'chucks'?

I was sharing a bath with Princess Anne the other day, and she said: "One is having some trouble with one's bowel movements, do you know a good laxative?" Do you know, I cried?

Having to share a bath with her would make anybody cry.

Well, gosh! So many replies, I notice people like to get off the point , but I did appreciate people's warm welcome. Writing for Neighbours came about by sheer fluke . I was on my stag night, I was in Sidney and it was cold, I was chained naked to a `Stop` sign. The policeman who helped me free and took me home became a friend, and he was a friend of the Producer at that time, Flyn Bragg. I showed him some of the scripts I had been touting around, and he felt they had potential. The rest is history, albeit incredibly unimportant! The main template for Neighbours storylines is that they must be contrived. A kind of `Mills and Boon` ethic, i.e The viewer always has some kind of idea what's going to happen, everything is telegraphed, it's not as easy as it sounds continually producing consistent, legible, tosh! My favourite story line was when Henry's Tuba caught rabies! (Joke) Anyway, the banter on this site has that old clique kick in eachother's face feel about it. I hope to bring a sense of pure literary class to your little world. Surely I have the credentials!! I will share secrets from the show in future postings, if I feel like it, it was another lifetime ago, I only mention it to start a small fire of contention, you ither hate it or love it. There is the more logical third possibility, it barely scratches the existence of your fizzing life!

"I was in Sidney and it was cold" Theres a whole raft of sitcom jokes there Neil, but I'll let you run with them...

Hallo Liana, I won't go there, gosh how rude!! Sidney in July, yuk!! Anyway to be scuppered by the most obvious stag routine is hard to live down, but I was too spiritually enlivened to resist. 12 Tequila sunrises, I was told that, I lost count after 7.

Getting off the point IS the point a lot of the time Neil, it's a bit like a lucky dip, sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don't. Don't be put off by the bitching, it just reflects real life. It's nice to hear that some good (i.e. gainful employment) results from such crass rubbish. Do us all a favour though, don't get into deep discussions about the relative merits of footbawl teams.

I like football but I'm not obsessed, my game is bare chested rutting, it's on sky , 2.30 am the discovery channel. It came originally from watching Carribou.

hey neighbours aint crass rubbish, its pure genius man...

What about those twins on Neighbours? Their lips had minds of their own. There is a strange and unresolved thingie on Neighbours - maybe it's resolved now as I haven't seen it for years. However I believe that a load of cash from a bank robbery was stashed inside the large Indian that ended up in Lou's bar. It was never discovered and as far as I know is still in there. Open it up man - there's loads of dough in there. You could be rich! Can you cast light upon this anomaly Neil?

Neil - I was just checking in the registered users section and could not find you. That's fine - you don't have to register - but it would be good to have brief chat. Could you email me at the above?

Shock! Horror! Neil Is a TROLL! And gz?

Tony I'm on-line at a School at the moment, I will reply to your e-mail tonight. About the money stashed, have you heard of urban myths? About being rich, my last pay check from writing was a "Whiskers" advert 4 years ago, it was witty, short and to the point, the Company purred with gratitude!! Mississippi, what language are you speaking and are you in a parrallel universe that I've never heard of? We did have a laugh writing for neighbours, there was a small team of writers and as the character `developed` we wrote around that development. My favourite character on Neighbours is Harold. He's also a nice bloke who as well as playing the tuba is a dab hand at Fine French Cuisine.

I once saw Lou Carpenter walking down a street in Amsterdam carrying a gentleman's handbag. I'm dead serious.

So you wrote for Naybores and you have the bare-faced audacity to slag Rearenders et al! If I were you I'd keep quiet about it, Len Fairclough might just track you down and give your balls a squeeze in the jacuzzi.

I'd give YOUR balls a sqeeze in the jacuzi george

Hi Neil and welcome. 1993 - 1998 was probably the peak of my neighbours watching so bet I saw some of your stuff. I'm a big enders fan but often the scripts are shocking. It kind of makes you blame the actors for not being able to act but considering the material they're given even Dame Judy would struggle.

I had lubch with Dame Judy the other day. She is absolutely charming.

my but you are an incorrigible name-dropper. i'm having trouble picturing what a lubch might be. sounds Jewish.

I can't help being dyslexic, Marchioness, but please free to make fun of me.

i'm an incorrigible spell-checker.

And for many years I've been an incorigible friend of the famous. It comes with the job, unlike some of our more common contributors.

I once took luncheon with Ralph. Johnny Geilgud walked in half way through the fish course, and enquired - in a stage whisper - "Is that your mother, Ralph dear boy?". [%sig%]

what job? and if you're so busy talking to famous people what you doing on here?

Ho humm how the other half lives. You must be the only person on ABC tales who doesn't know that as part of my job as finance director for the Bloomsbury thetre I have to wine and dine the rich and famous. I am also in charge of searching out new talent and script writers for the thetre, Marchioness, so you woulkd be wise to keep in my good books. Chin chin

Not me, I'm afraid poppits. Very funny though. I do dine the rich and famous, and can help aspiring young script writers get their work on the stage, but am hardly one to boast about it in such a way.

thank the lord. i was starting to think you were bit of an a.rse. how come your internet provider is the same though? so which bit wasn't you? anyway i don't write scripts so there.

Smashing

Well, lots has happened while I've been working hard! Neil can't hold his drink. Bladdered after only 12 tequilas? Skeeter & Flash salivating over women. The site is full of Neighbours fans obviously. Anyway, I'm off to watch the footie

Marchie was getting ready to back you up as I agreed with all you put, silly me should have known you could handle twerps like that...

Whoops. By "Two stag nights" I meant "a stag night and a hen night". And here's us with a preview facility an all. d.beswetherick.

Neil welcome, when I used to bounce my grandchildren on my knee it was always the tune they loved and couldn't get enough of. I did watch the program for a long!! time and have a friend who even watches it to this day and thats a lot of years.

I always worry about taking people at face value cos there's so many trolls, but I do recognise Neil's name, but doubt whether it's from neighbours. Welcome to the madhouse Neil & I don't watch soaps any more but think that they are all as bad as each other.

It's called 'forum-speak' Neil.

I think writing for Neighbours would be about the coolest thing although I haven't seen it for years. for d bes: I don't watch much tv and I don't buy a newspaper so I never know what's on but the other day I came across the games by accident. I thought, 'what the hell's this'. Then I realised. Minor minor celebrities competing in a mock olympics. I did see Bobby Davro belly-flop into the water. Then I turned it off. I can kind of understand the camp sensibility - things being so bad they're good - but this was way off the scale.

Now I feel a saddo for watching soaps. I also watched a bit of "The Games" last night, which I imagine makes me terminally sad. But if you didn't watch it you missed an incident so delicous that every time I think about it I laugh again in my mind. After the first round, three people were vying for the lead in the high-diving competition: Bobby Davro - a twatty comedian; Major James Hewitt - a posh twa*t; and Harvey - a rap-singing twa*t from So Solid Crew. Davro's lead was taken away from him by Hewitt's second dive, and so he went for broke and marched up to the highest board in the pool, looking like a twa*t in his red speedos, and proceeded to bellyflop from this great height in an almost alarming manner, like a dead whale being dumped in the sea by a crane. I didn't laugh so much as put my hand over my mouth in sympathy with his testacles. Move over the Peter Kay divebomb advert: this was reality. Despite that sublime moment "The Games" is one of the jaw-droppingly worst programmes ever committed to television, in my opinion - so naturally I like it. But I shall continue to watch it because I have fallen in love with a person called Josie D'Arby (who is she, what does she do, and is she related to Terence Trent D'Arby?). Not only has Josie got a stunning body but she uses it with such a complete and utter lack of athleticism that you (well I) want to go and hug her. It's so refreshing to see a black person on telly who is hopeless at sport and deeply uncool into the bargain. Despite her last place and near drowning in the swimming race, Josie was goofily gorgeous and sweet when subsequently interviewed. Can anyone me tell me what other programmes she is on so that I can watch her more often? (I know for a fact that she's not on Ballamory.) d.beswetherick.

Mersey beat (Jodie) BBC 1 Spy Watch (Lee) BBC 2 Casualty (Nurse Sarah) BBC 1 Top of the pops (Presenter) BBC 2 Holiday 2001/2002 (Presenter) BBC 1 Top of the pops plus (host) BBC 2 Phonezone (Presenter) UKPlay Bigger Breakfast (Presenter) Channel 4 A date with ... (Host) ITV Josie! (Host) Channel 5 The Mag (Host) Channel 5 The Big Question (Host) Channel 5 Smart (Presenter) BBC 1 The Friday Zone (Presenter) BBC 1 Celebrity (Reporter) ITV My London (Reporter) ITV Electric Circus (Reporter) BBC Just for you m8.

I met someone off Neighbours last year in Brighton. He was Australian oddly enough. [%sig%]