Feedback?

I like the voice in this, it is realistic and it kept me reading. i could picture the scene through the eyes of the narrator. My concern would be that they have been many stories like this, what has this got that will make it stand it. secondly, it would be useful to get the narrators name in, otherwise it will get confusing later. Myabe someone could call her, use her name to get it in the readers mind. hope this helps. Juliet

B, I found your content interesting. Perhaps more teens should read what you have to say about drugs.It is a telling commentary on chemical dependency. Your writing style is both conversational and introspective. It is situational and works in short articles, but is hard to sustain in a lenghty narrative. Like most works,that you hope readers will enjoy, you have to resort to age old formulas.Plot, heroine(no pun intended), anti heroine, denouement and climax.Readers like reolution one way or the other.You might want to think about using this situational sketch as a basis to spring of into a story line developing the above named elements. I enjoyed your style and like the way you say things. Other readers will too. Keep at it, you have real ability. Vaya Con Dios mi amiga. J.X.M

How do I find this piece to read it?

Managed to find it. I'm uncertain what type of comments you are after, so apologies if go overboard here. First line, interesting, and in a way thought provoking. It has made me wonder what he/she has been like while studying. [exit into more responsibilities, frightening responsibilities, real-world responsibilities. So, as I yawned and pondered on these different kinds of responsibilities and lame] Here you have repeated 'responsibilities' too many times for me. However, I can see you were trying emphasise the word. Suggestion, altering the last one 'kinds of responsibilities...' [wouldn’t have shoot myself some H,] shoot feels wrong here. Suggestion, shot or inject. Apart from wondering why he/she is injecting, so far there is no hook to draw me into the story. And, quite a few sentences begin with 'I' most of these can be altered, which will give a better flow and feel to the story. Also, there are a couple of uses of the word 'just' which can be deleted, it's an empty word and does nothing to add to the sentence. I have enjoyed your style, however I did find the piece a very slow pace in places. I am sill uncertain which sex the narrator is, which is vital as it is your MC. Suggestions, have you considered adding some dialogue to this? If used correctly, dialogue can add to the pace of a piece -- there are a couple o places where you could insert some. Another suggestion, some of the paragraphs seem fairly long to me, these too could be altered. Also, take another look where you have added a word or words for extra emphasis, most of them are not needed. Last suggestion, he/she is high, have you considered added his/her thoughts, show us, don't tell, of what he/she is seeing or feeling, describe it fully -- adding small sections about this could make this piece that little bit more interesting. Plot wise, may I ask what makes your story different from the norm? This is not a story I would normally read, so maybe I am not the right person to comment on this. Plus, this is a first chapter, these are harder to comment on where the plot is concerned than short stories. Character, without being certain of the sex I am unsure, the only thing you make clear is that he/she is a druggie and seems to have no regrets. I know a lot of this sounds negative, however with a little more work this could be made into a highly entertaining piece instead of just entertaining. I hope this helps. Nick.