Life's many leases

New things come like a changeling wind. You never quite know what they carry, they could bring in their wake a poisonus fume that will infect and kill everything or a sweet summer breeze that will remind you in a moment of complete clarity how blessed you are to still be breathing at all. My changeling wind found me in a place of transition. I had begun to move after many years of stagnaton. There was very little development, physically or emotionally.

The first steps had already been taken and I was about to be thrown into a new environment. I left the first job that I had ever actually had. My first career. I left it all for an unknown corporate adventure with just a twinge of a global scale. On day 2 I have discovered that it is possible that the tedium might take over and stunt me again and to counter that I have resumed journalising. Writing down my thoughts on how I could possibly better my life. Much of it involves ownership and thus denotes responsibility, something which I have actively been avoiding for most of my life, the responsibility for my own health, my mental peace of mind as well as my emotonal well being.

I find myself perhaps not as excited as I was when I was younger about what tomorrow would hold but optimistically ready for the challenge of change.

Its hard to admit to oneself that you have made very little of the world that you have been given, that you have done nothing to better yourself or those around you and that should you leave this world in an untimely manner that your loved ones will mourn only because they loved you and it hurts but that in time they will find that you had taught them nothing and all you had given them they can still find in themselves or others. Or in the worst alternative that the ones you spoilt will find themselves at the mercy of reality and have nothing to thank you for.

The point is to believe in something, have some sort of purpose and if you cannot as yet see that purpose then search and search and search,  until the very end. You will want to be alive after all to see it materialize and preserve and keep yourself learned in order to see it. Once found that purpose will give birth to princpiples that best give it life, through trial and error you will know what it requires and live the rest of your life in the hope of fulfilling it.

The world is full of extraoridary miracles and our circumstances blind us from them. At times even our own being makes it easy for us to forget that in it took very specific conditions for the creation of our universe and that we too are  more than mere coincidence but the perpetuation of this grand design that is yet unfathomable.  Just by being our best selves we inspire the best in others and thereby cause a chain reaction in our environment that may herald changes that benefit our entire planet.

I am sitting here day 2 of my new job, wondering how it wil all turn out nad hoping for the best but also seeing whether or not I will fit in and imagining that if I didit have so much outside of my workplace would I try harder to make friends. The human experince is so vast in its possibilities that both my individual thought processes as well as the collective conciousness can have a great impact on all life. This new thing in my life by virtue of its newness opens up new avenues for me to express the person I am and the person that I would like to be. It makes me excited and open to things that I was not open to before despite the fact that they were there all along.

So this is my message to the world. I am goig to carpe the heck out of this diem, keep watching this space.