Housebound (2014), BBCiPlayer, written, edited, and directed by Gerard Johnstone

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m00248vd/housebound

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Housebound_(2014_film)

My dodgy internet usually gets me the big matches. I wanted to watch Arsenal v PSG. I’ve been much impressed by PSG and they’re my tips to win it, but I don’t really care. I don’t watch as much football as I used to. Pissed off at missing this match, I watched Housebound.

I’m not sure why I watched it from beginning to end. The beginning was promising. Kylie Bucknell (Morgana O'Reilly) with her dead-pan expression and dyed black hair reminded me of Vicky Grimley. She drinks in my local. I wondered what she was doing in a film blowing up a bank’s ATM. That’s the kind of thing I could imagine Vicky Grimley doing.

Kylie, not Vicky (well perhaps Vicky too) has a record as long as Meat Loaf’s Bat out of Hell. The judge somehow thinks the best thing would be to send her home. House Arrest, and tagged.

I’ll try to spoil the film so you don’t need to watch it. Remember Boo Radley from To Kill a Mockingbird? Well, he lives in the walls of their house.

Amityville House. Yep. You’ve guessed it. The house they’ve bought was originally an old Indian burial ground. I might have made that bit up to make the film more interesting. It used to be a children’s home.

Shock horror.  A young girl was stabbed a million times and her body was never found. Or it might have been found. Who really cares?  

PSG won 1—0 in London. No shock there either. Don’t be Housebound.

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