Posted by celticman on Thu, 25 Nov 2010
Interview with Sir Donald Akenbourgh.
Beatrice Foster (anthropologist), BF: Sir Donald what are your views can the human population keep growing in the same way.
Donald Akenbourgh (DA): Yes. I’m optimistic that men and women will continue to have sex.
BF: The Oogonyu tribe have a dream culture in which certain totemic animals come to them to teach them specific lessons. What kind of spirit animal do you think would come to you?
DA: An apple.
BF: I was thinking more in terms of elephants, tigers, or even mythical creatures such as dragons.
DA: A blood-red orange then.
BF: Do animals believe in the spirit world?
DA: I’m not really sure, but my wife certainly does.
BF: What kind of things would you suggest that would galvanise the public to take responsibility for the future of our blue planet.
DA: There are a number of things all of us can do like turning the heating down and getting solar panels on our roofs and of course disasters, a small self contained war and nuclear winter would be helpful. These new weapons are terribly efficient.
BF: But wouldn’t mankind be wiped out.
DA: Not all. Just people like you.
BF: As a conservationist which members of the Royal Family would you try to save.
DA: The public always like to preserve the scariest animal someone like Prince Philip with his bushy eyebrows blowing in the wind would be an obvious candidate. Prince Charles is interesting because of the obvious problem of inbreeding and, in the same way that the tawny bat uses sound as radar, words come out of his mouth six minutes after he has spoken them. But I’d probably go for Princess Anne because of her androgynous hair and the chromosomal link to horses.
BF: How much of a carbon footprint does the Royal Family leave?
DA: I’ve no idea. You’d need to ask them, but I’d be very careful they do eat their young, such as Dianna.
BF: What worries you most about the twenty-first century?
DA: Crowds of old pensioners swarming at the Post-Office and there no longer being proper Work Houses. Although I do believe this Conservative government are bringing them back.