Amor Fati

A new week dawns, perhaps the magnesium has kicked in again, and I’ve spent the sorry-for-myself energy on house-cleaning.   Then, as if by the magic of Findhorn, in the Daily Stoic I read;

“Let the sunk cost of the past stay there.  You now have the present.  And the presence of mind to know what it’s worth”. 

And suddenly, my ‘Yes’ returns.  In gratitude.  Gratitude to see not only the life I chose and relish, but in those mirrors, my own grasshopper aspects, my regrets, projections and judgements.  Too-long-hair-lady may just be an obnoxious heiress for all I know, and bad-luck-in-a-tartan-coat, well, she has her own journey, (and as long as she stays out of my hair, nobody gets hurt).  Truly, I was remembering a man I had fallen head over heels for.  Back then, I hadn’t realised how lonely I had let myself become, and had no clue how totally vulnerable I was.  What happened was what was meant to happen, and I believe he saved my life.  In a fucked up, painful, prideful, moth against the flames way, nevertheless, he saved my life.

Sky is still blue; the wild winds are still scented by the sea.  I have my path to walk, right here, right now.  It was all good.  Even the suffering.  2004, went there on purpose, sink or swim purpose, to find a reason to live.  It wasn’t in a man, it wasn’t in giving up the big bad rat race, it wasn’t in giving up anything.  It was when I started writing again.  To dance like nobody was watching.  Recognising pieces of behaviour – and that behaviour can be changed.  That there is nothing wrong with me.  Just a bit weird.  Like everybody else.

“Perchance someday the memory of this sorrow will even bring delight.” – Seneca.

For What it's Worth

https://www.lettersfromastoic.net/letter-78-on-the-healing-power-of-the-mind/

https://dailystoic.com/how-to-deal-with-regret-3-stoic-strategies-to-live-free/