Why is letting go so hard?
Posted by Shannan on Wed, 23 Jan 2019
A really hard thing as a human and as a teacher, for me personally, is “letting go”. I am finding more and more that social media is absolutely horrible at helping me with this problem. A WatsApp group with my matric learners, for example, and when the year ends, they leave the group. It guts me. It really does. But, the time is done, the short interaction I had with them is over and, as a very different generation, they are not ones for holding ties or being nostalgic for long. They are a ‘now, now, now’ generation and so it should be. They are also on their own paths and journeys now, which have nothing to do with me – they must go, fly and learn new things, have new experiences, that I will not be a part of, and the universe may never let me know about either… and I have to let that go, let them go, and hope all the time, energy, blood, sweat and tears I gave them ends up being worth something.
It is hard to take the personal out of the picture, especially in a subject where you are so intensely involved with building self-esteem and self-confidence. You spend intense time together working at creativity and expressing life, then, it is done and there is no more. Other teachers handle this way better than I do. They don’t remember names, and forget who was in which class, I haven’t been able to master the technique of cutting off caring and being interested. But you can’t become friends on Facebook, or voyeuristic with Instagram, or anything like that – it’s creepy and odd – mostly because I am a single female… This still ‘being single’ thing, it has created more hassles and challenges in my life than I ever would have thought.
Lord, help me let go.
This also ties in with one of my unrequited love stories and the battle I was having with sending a ‘happy birthday’ social media message to the guy. I feel awkward, maybe he doesn’t as it doesn’t mean anything to him, but I do. I prayed hard about it this weekend and received the reply (in my usual pyscho way) that he is with who he is meant to be with, and that’s not me (I break at the rejection, but understand), he was shown love in my brief time with me, and he was distracted by me, which helped him get through what he had to andget to the girl he is with now… so when I asked God on Sunday to let him view my WatsApp status, if there was any hope, the answer was ‘no’. No view of my status at all… For a God who can do all things, prompting someone to look at a WatsApp status is no big deal at all…
I then, after knowing the answer was ‘not you, Shannan, not you,’ I was confronted by an email attachment with the ex-associate in the news review… it was an internal-work review… so I was put in the position – if it was me, I would like to know what photos of me are being distributed, so I forwarded it on – no reply, not even a double blue set of ticks… so that was a double confirmation to LET GO…
So that is the answer to the ‘shall I wish him a Happy Birthday’ question – no. Let him get on with being in his new relationship and having an awesome time with the people he wants to receive messages from. . . I had daft ideas of changing my profile pic to Batwoman (connotative) or posting a status of Batman, or a candle, but it would just be me putting energy and hope into a black hole and letting myself down again, rejected and sad. So, by a cyber blog, that no-one reads – HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have an amazingly blessed day, with and hearing from, those you love :)
And Shannan – LET Go already, let go.