TJW's blog

This buddy of mine has spine problems. Can’t sit or stand for certain periods of time. Uses a cane. Docs have told him he will eventually be in a wheelchair. Finally got his disability approved. I loaned him almost $10,000 to make his mortgage payments, to fucking live and not be homeless. Since his disability has been approved he’s sent me a check to pay me back, should be here any day now. He’s disabled. I ain’t. My VA counselor seems to think...

“TJ, get your ass down from that crane,” came over the radio. It was my foreman. See, I ain’t supposed to operate heavy machinery when I’m on my meds and he always knows when on on them on account of my . . . drowsiness, slowness, I guess, going through the day like a piece of driftwood. But, hell, I also ain’t supposed to drive when I’m drifting, so, I figured since I drove and arrived alive I’m good enough to get my ass up in a crane. Foreman...

The dust. The seeing. Ever see blood in dust? The smell. Ever smell the blood in the dust. Ever smell dusty blood? The feel. Had to put my fingertips in it. Put my fingers to my nose and smell it. Smelled old. And it flowed from a man so young. A midwestern kid, really, all of nineteen. Farmer’s son. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, so polite it pissed you off. Called the I-rackies “civilians” or “natives,” indicated them by saying that “gentleman”...

I got this buddy. Met at work. She's a drinking buddy. We watch football, drink, you know, we're buddies. I've even met her girlfriend and they were the girl in the relationship. This past Saturday the game ended at 11-something. I ain't planned on going to her placed to watch it but she had planned to watch it with her girl but they broke a few days before and this buddy of mine, she didn't want to be alone sulking, so I went over and we...

Had my wallet and checkbook out to pay bills last night. Left it on the table, left the chair pulled out. This morning, getting my shit together, discovered my wallet and checkbook chewed to hell: driver's license, debit card, wallet, all chewed and gnawed and reduced to fuck all. The rabbit had jumped on to the pulled out chair then onto the table then raised hell. I was running late so all I had time to do was gather up the detritus, curse, "...

Ever think just one more thing and fuck this shit? and you don't cause you've got other lives depending on you, fuck your own. Ever think that this whatever....? That's why you keep other heartbeats around...for a reason to keep your own beating. Yet you keep that contingency in your pocket. Ever think that this whatever? and keep hollow point contingencies? then cuddle with the heartbeats.