The Big Fight.
Thu, 2003-09-25 11:58
#1
The Big Fight.
Roll up ladies and gentlemen! Roll up!
It's time for tonight's main event.
In the blue corner: fighting out of the mean streets of Buckinghamshire, weighing in at a sprightly 22 stone, entering the ring with a record of two fights and zero wins. Ladies and gentlemen, he's fat, he's ugly, he's got stupid greasy hair and the writing talent of a fourteen year old boy, your appreciation please for the Dad Rocking Camden Cowboy.
Gee OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOge Van Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
And in the red corner:
from Brixton, South London. Weighing in at 12 stone, entering the ring with a record of three fights and three wins, all by way of knockouts. Ladies and gentlemen, the defending heavyweight champion of the Genial Diss:
Stooooooooooooooooooooooooart William RamsaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Tonight’s fight is licensed by The Silent Floating Pod People and sponsored by Bol.com 'Books R We.'
Let's just remind ourselves of the pre-fight interviews.
George V-W: 'Ug, ugg. Ug, Er.... ug. Ug ugg uug ug ugg.'
Stuartwr: 'Yo. Well I'm the flame war demon. I'll do your freakin knees in. Whip out my fleshy love gun. And cover you in semen.'
It's certainly tense here in the Genial Diss Labatt's Arena as we wait for the bell...
George, Transit...
I think you only say "Roll up" to people when you want to drum up some business for an event. If they're sat in the Auditorium already, having sat through the pre-fights, and it's time for the main event, you're really promoting to the converted.
I thought this was a grating blot on what was otherwise an hilarious post, one of the funniest we've had all year. My fave bits were when you said, "Gee OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOge Van Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaa"...ha ha...and when you said "ug ug" - I love observational humour - and also when you said "fleshy love gun" and "semen" cause they mean willy and spunk respectively.
More.
[%sig%]
Donkey Ing
Maybe the lack of response is down to the contenders?
Try this.
" In the red corner, Paaaaaaaaaaaaul Greccccccccccccccco, appearing tonight in a 'sign my petition' teeshirt and wearing one of 17 different unstylish and unfunny masks, all cunningly disguised to look exactly like Paul Greco, and in the blue corner is Stuart Small William Ramsey, using a loudhailer to promote himself despite the fact that the entire auditorium is wearing earplugs and waving 'when will you be funny?' placards.
Reg Gutter-Eesh
And so the bout loses its thrill as the audience hopes there is a clash of heads and both Paul Grecco and Stuart Small William Ramsey are knocked out. Only then will peace, sanity and humour be restored to ABC
jude
Steven Gardiner (sitting at door with his Ice-cream Tub of change) inundated with disappointed ticket holders demanding refunds. He can't issue refunds anyway as Tony Cook has disappeared with the takings and purchased 2000 super strength Marlboro tarry lung-buster's and a artic. lorry full of red-wine which he is consuming wildly in despair, pulling at the place where his hair used to be, in angst at the forum and site's respective situations.
stormy
Curious that part of the description of both protagonists is 'entering the ring'
Is there something you want to talk about Stu?
Have you had a subliminal semenal moment recently involving men in high waisted trunks?
stuart
Right well that's it.
That's three times I've called the Camden Coward out and three times he's crapped it.
So I win for ever. I Van-Win forever.
I am the King Flame Warrior of the GD and that's that.
No more 'Stutart', no more 'three why's men (what does that mean?)'.
Because I win forever.
Yo, yo.
Now mississippi mud pie didn't put me to the test.
He just skulked around his cellar in a sweaty string vest.
I'd've smashed him, bashed him. Tore out his gay moustache.
Beat his ass purple like Lee Chapman on Leslie Ash.
Word.
Flash
Your parents must be so proud of you Stutwerp.
stuart
What?
You want some Flasher?
HUh?
Step up boy.
I am back and in full effect.
Bring it.
Yo.
Come again, come again, SWR come again. Uh. Uh.
You can bring your sick obsession, I'll bring a big cigar.
And I'll be chewing and a smoking and a propping up the bar.
I'm drastic, fantastic. Snap your neck like elastic.
THis is cool. You start to drool. I'll meet your kids straight out of school.
And teach them how to skin up, smoke up and generally get a toke up.
So listen.
S to the T to the U to the A to the, er...
to the...
U
er...
Ely Whitley
Yes Stuart you've made yourself the champion of something or other, well done you. I'm sure there's a little trophy somewhere you've made and I bet it looks just super. It'll need regular polishing but that won't be a problem for you I can tell. It'll be the shiniest little trophy in the world.
Hey, why not get a little t-shirt with "champ" on it? that would look just lovely. You could wear it when you pretend to meet up in your 'hood' with all your little 'gangsta' friends and you could all rap together, maybe a ditty about how you're the toppermost little champ in all the whole wide world, the king of ABC and beyond...
..ahh what fun, anyway time for beddibows now champ, there there and as a special treat you can take your trophy and show it to Mofo Bear as long as you remember jimjams and prayers first.
stuart
U to the A..
Hang on, just let me start that again.
Right.
Yo.
S to the T to the A, no, T to the U to the...
er...
T?
The Real Ralph
Yeah baby yeah.
Pipe?
stuart
...
... U to the, er...
F?
Flash
No it's T to the I to the T Studley.
stuart
T ...
...
stuart
I just met Chuck Palahniuk.
He was doing a book signing in Waterstone's on Oxford Street.
I've never been to one of those before.
Oh man, I was like a Brosette. I got all starstruck.
When it was my turn I stepped up and handed him my copy of Diary.
We said hi and shook hands and then he asked me if he could dedicate a message for me. I said his name would be fine. Whilst he was writing I said 'so how are you finding London?'
'Oh,' he said. 'I'm finding London busy.' The marketing girl from Jonathon Cape chuckled dutifully.
'Well we kept the weather on for you.'
'Oh. You know the weather has been beautiful.'
'Well, all the best. Thanks.'
'Thank you.'
His signature is legible and all swirly.
It is such a gay signature.
Flash
Who is Chuck Palahniuk?
stuart
He wrote Fight Club.
Please, don't anyone ask what the first rule of fight club is.
don't do that.
Flash
Ok i won't .........what's the 2nd rule of fight club and the one before number two?
How many rules are there in fight club?
stuart
Where is everybody Alan?
Flash
It's been like this for weeks now, i expect they've found a forum more interesting than Gen.Diss
The Real Ralph
I was at the Chuck thing as well. So baby we were in the same room.
I love you
Ralphie
Mitchell Maple
I, like Stu, have been mystified by this "three why's men" thing Missi created, hoping no doubt it would catch on, yet didn't, as it makes no sense.
Three wise men. Okay, I get that bit. Are you using "why" as a noun? If so, why is the apostrophe in there? Can ANYONE explain how this works as a pun.
Answers on an email, There's a tray of key fobs waiting for the first correct entry.
Stanley Accrington
I believe missi did explain it once, can't remember what thread though.
*Three wise men. Okay, I get that bit*
Actually I don't think you do Paul, missi obviously doesn't think any of you are "wise" which is why he's deliberately changed the spelling. How he has spelt it and his use of an apostrophe has nothing to do with correct English but is usage of poetic licence. I don't really know why he bothers to be honest, I'm sure he could find far better things to occupy his time.
Send my keyfob to my home address please.
Captain Oates
Diary note:
can hardly write, just stumbled across mitchell moraine, denser than greco glacier but terminal nonetheless, I ..