Help Needed

Put on a slinky dress, paint your toenails, practice sitting down and then change the damned thing.

Have had a quick look, Andrew (will scrutinise more closely tomorrow) but doesn't look that difficult. With only a few (minor) changes, you can just change the guy (not allowed to say 'bloke' for fear of upsetting Missus) into the one wot's the other gender.

i can't see why this story would work better with a woman as the central character...it might help if you could find out the agent's reasoning?

Andrew I have had a look at the story and i like it very much. The reason why they want you to make the lead character a woman is blindingly simple, they want to sell the story to a womans market. It is a sad reflection of the marketplace and that is all. There is nothing wrong with the work, but more woman read than men, certainly magazines anyway and I bet you that is where they want to pitch it. At the end of the day it is up to you, but agents in my experiance have a nose. Its a tough one to call. Ralph

ah yes i'm sure that's right ralph. shows how naive i am that i thought the agent had some artisitic reasons...makes it even harder for andrew tho

back to the question... not that I know diddly squat Andrew but, stating the obvious here, this will need a COMPLETE rewrite if you change the lead character. Perhaps more than you are thinking of. Suggest you spend many hours with wife this weekend then write it from her perspective BUT the female lead will, to me, have to be older than the original male and perhaps more into huntin/shootin/fishin to make it work. (someone who will poo poo the whole idea) Any modern 'working town' girl will know too much about fen shui to make your story 'realistic' in the way it is with the 'bloke' lead at the moment. I'll let myself out.

wha-hey! well done Andrew! unfortunately, doesn't look like you've got much choice in the matter. you'll just have to do the re-write. maybe read a couple of short stories with female protagonists to get yourself in the mood. then do the business. then put it up on the site and we can all have a look at it (especially the girls) and see if it reads authentically. an interesting revenge on the female glossies might be to introduce Mr Stitches in a supporting role.

Just read the piece. Well, I am assuming the prospective publication and audience are British, so my comments might be semi-irrelevelant, but here goes anyway. From an American perspective you could rewrite this in about 5 minutes. There would be nothing unusual at all about either a mother or a father giving such a present to a "career-girl" daughter in the hopes bringing something other than work into her life. It would not be unusual for a woman to know nothing about feng shui except the name. Gav's reactions and thought process would be completely consistent with the reactions and thinking of that type of woman. Is it really so different here? I would have thought that London and New York/LA were very similar in this respect. The only tricky part would be the very end. The husband would never get the house. You would have to come up with a different way to balance the scales. Even in the UK I would guess the man would never get the house. I would have preferred a different way to balance the scales of justice in the original piece for that matter. Taking the house away from him raises more questions in my mind than it solves, but maybe that's just me.

Thanks for the comments - I wouldn't have a problem writing it from a female perspective, in fact I often do - but the entire plot rests on him being quite a typical bloke. He refuses to move out, his girlfriend brings home a lamp (a man would NEVER do that), he's the one seeking no-strings affair and as Justyn says, the man would never get the house. It is a complete rewrite, which is not that much of a problem, except at present, all I can see is the difficulties. I'll sit down, have a crack at it. Thanks for your help everyone.

I think you should tell them no dice. Which agent is it? Name and telephone number please.

I still don't know. This is not a minor tweak, this is writing a completely different story. I'm not precious about 'art' and I'm well aware that this story is just a bit of throwaway fluff, an amusement for a minute or two, but no more than that. But, the reason I write is to take something out of my head and put it on paper - if someone suggests a change to make it a better story, I will look at a piece again with that in mind. But this is a bit different. I will have a crack at writing it again (by which I really mean writing a new story about Feng Shui with a woman as the lead character; I don't imagine a sentence will remain common to both). In any event, it is interesting to be put in this position. I may end up with a better story anyway.

Or two completely different one, both excellent. I loved 'Home Improvements' so maybe it is, indeed, better to leave it alone and write a new one... And I think Ralph is probably right about the women's market. Am curious to know the name of the agent - although I have an idea...

Thanks very much to everyone for this. I've written a new story, with the same book that delivers everything premise. Home Improvements for Girls is at www.abctales.com/abcplex/viewstory.cgi?s=12729 I found it quite a useful exercise, despite my original misgivings. I'd welcome people's views on the new story. And yes Andrea, you probably do know the names of the agents.

*Off to buy books on Feng Shui*...

well done andrew...i thought it was a difficult task, but the re-write is just as good as the first story. the character works well i think. and although you've been robbed of the original ending, i prefer the more open ending in the second story, as it leaves a little to the reader's imagination

Andrew, Having read "Home Improvements for the Girls" first, I thought this whole thread was one big wind-up. Now I understand. I enjoyed the story. So much, in fact, that I figure it has far greater potential than you give yourself credit. You've now got the idea, and could now build a novel around it with a variety of sub-plots. Kind of like a BJD Feng Shui story. Congratulations and good luck.

I prefer the new piece. I also like the ambiguity of the aftermath.

Thanks very much for the feedback - everyone has been really helpful. The only problem is - the people who like the new version are all male, and women don't seem to like it. Given the reason for changing it, that does seem to be a bit of a problem...

Is that because the male gets the upper hand in this version perhaps ... or the woman is seen as manipulative and not that likeable? I don't know but certainly I prefer this version too. I would still like to see a completely different story as mentioned before. This version is still close to the original and felt a bit rushed if you want an honest opinion. A new character (s), different setting, same feng shui book, different affects. Try it. You know you want to.