Sherlock Holmes

dunno who Jim Rockford is, Andrew, but i'm not sure i like the sound of him! can do without another hard-bitten, wise-cracking cop with a soft heart. don't want my detectives to be well-rounded nice guys. like them to be dark, brooding, morphine-injecting,depressive hyper-intellectuals. Poirot? he's a flier.

Don't forget Ironside! Or the marvellous amateur sleuth Dick Van Dyke in Diagnosis: Murder! Quality entertainment.

Petrocelli!

Chant - I am horrified! How can you never have seen the Rockford Files, a show which transcends the cop/detective/ohlookitstheseventies genre to actually be one of the few television shows to be consistently excellent throughout its entire run. Jim Rockford is not a hardbitten or wisecracking, more downtrodden but optimistic, a man who walks in the world of Philip Marlowe and is honest enough to say that this is the world he chose to walk in, instead of being morose and 'complex' about it. Columbo is dull and pointless and I cannot be alone in thinking that he is a bit of a bully. Just once, I'd like to see the killer say "yeah? Prove it in court then pal. You may say that my missing button demonstrates that I wasn't really at the yacht club that night, but let's see how it stands up to my lawyers, given that OJ got off by the simple expedient of pretending a glove was too small" Henstoat - can I recommend "who killed Roger Ackroyd"? A deconstruction of Christie's finest ever work, with a brand new solution much more compelling than even the original. I forget the author Pierre something beginning with B. The squeamishness and self-importance of Poirot is quite a good character trait, but you rarely see him deal with anything other than as a pure puzzle. I like my detectives to get embroiled. Father Brown's encyclopaedic knowledge of evil and human nature and his sheer sense of propriety tempered with forgiveness is more the ticket for me. Never seen him done well on screen though.

I'm currently reading the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe. In his famous stories the "The Murder at the Rue Morgue"; "the murder of Marie Roget" (based on a real murder at the time in New York of Mary Rogers and proven to be right after the fact); and another about a missing letter (I forget the title but it's basically 'the stolen letter') he has a character so similar to Holmes that I'm a little confused. He's called Dupin and he is talked about by the author in the same way that Watson talks of Holmes. He's nowhere near as interesting as Holmes and he spouts on for bloody hours about the level of intellect and the simplicity of ingenuity against reason. Is he a copy of Holmes or is it the other way round? does anyone know? Being called Watson, I've been hounded by "Elementary my dear Watson" by people so stupid that even telling them that it was never said by Holmes doesn't put them off so I've got a vested interest.

Ely, Ely, Ely. Dupin is the first proper fictional detective (unless you count Oedipus, but he is such a bad detective, he hardly counts. He doesn't even work out who the victim is until its all too late and the scissors are in his mums eyes). Holmes is a refinement and superior in every way. To be honest, the idea that anyone could mistake a gorilla's noise for French accent is laughable (unless they were from Hartlepool) and thus the first ever murder mystery doesn't stand up to any scrutiny whatsoever. And it is the Purloined Letter, Purloined being a lovely word, reminding me of those super-thick red steaks you only see in Tom and Jerry cartoons (it is the sirloin connection, of course). Best detective is probably Gideon Fell, who only ever did locked room mysteries, which are the purest of the form. I'd love to write a proper locked room mystery - I've done the reverse, a murder in a house that absolutely anyone could have done with no physical evidence whatsoever. For me, the very finest mystery story is G K Chesterton's short "The Absence of Mister Glass", close to being perfect mystery and captures what Chesterton said was the point of the form - the mystery story is not just having a cloud and clearing it away to reveal the solution, what is within that cloud must itself be worthwhile. Hard not to finish it without applauding or at least grinning wildly and congratulating the author on pulling off a splendid piece of work.

I love Poirot! He is sooooo goood!

Don't forget Cannon, the fattest detective ever to squeeze into a vast American car. He wasn't allowed to run near the San Andreas Fault in case he set off an earthquake.

I wrote a long post pointing out that Sherlock Holmes (AKA Athur Conan Doyle) was in fact Jack the Ripper but my computer unaccountably crashed. I have amassed a huge amount of evidence to support this theory and have suggested to Channel 4 that it would make a more intereseting programe than their usual bland nonsense blaming Americans.

Andrew thanks. So the French waffler came first eh? (dupin, du vin, du boursin). I did feel a bit out of sorts when he comes to the conclusion that it had to be a monkey but I liked the 'stuffed victim up the chimney' touch. I finished 'The House of Usher' last night which, I'm sure, was made into a mini series on TV (didn't see it) but it's just a quote short ghost story really. What I am enjoying is the style of the writing. It gets you back into a form of grammer and use of words that you don't see today even though it's hard going at times it can be very atmospheric.

Poirot too is marvellous, but Holmes could take him any day

Jim Rockford is far superior. He is smart, cool and kind, whereas both Holmes and Poirot are rather lacking as rounded human beings. Plus, Jim wears more brown sports jackets. The TV Holmes never gets shown taking his patent mixture of cocaine and water to help his brain.

I dont have satellite tv, I watched twenty five minutes of Octopussy. I dont think we need 200 channels.

Ha! Rockford is Columbo's understudy, and a mere squib to Holmes. What is this of Holmes and Poirot not being human? You've clearly never seen Poirot having to trudge through the countryside, or facing the Inspector's full English breakfast, or reacting to a man who says, "Hey! I know you!" (Poirot smiles and bows,) "Yeah! You're Slippery Sam - come on, hand over the ten pounds." As for Holmes, the episode of Tuesday night, where he had to solve the disappearance of an important political letter, ended with him leaping down the steps with a shout of, "Wayhey!" Yesterday saw him just about to go to sleep on a suspect's bed, when in marches Watson and the owner of the house - Holmes leaps up, coughs and says, "Well, the bed is unslept in, that as much is certain." And my personal favourite - when Holmes and Watson arrive home to find Inspector Lestrade guiltily taking a quick look at some of Holmes' papers, instead of pouncing on him, they stand in the door very quietly watching for a moment, then go back to the front door, and make a great noise of conversation, as if they had just come in. No, no, however good I think the likes of Rockford and Columbo are (and let's not forget the marvellous Quincy,) Holmes beats them all hands down. And he's English too.