Your ideal obituary

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Fri, 2002-09-06 13:35

Your ideal obituary

Everyone can join in one this one.

Everyone knows newspapers have already written obituaries for everyone publically significant, and that stars are always trying to sneak into secret offices to find out what's been written about them. But supposing, under a false name, you were to wangle your way into the obituary section of a national broadsheet, and were assigned to write *your own* obiturary. What would you write?

My lunchbreak has now ended, so I'll have to think about it and post mine later on. When I get back, I hope to find that this thread has been embraced as the faction-uniting entity it claims to be and has zillions of posts from all the quiet, belittled ABCTales lurkers on it. If not, then I shall be forced to conclude that none of us exist, which will be very frightening for me.

Kapow!

Hen

Fri, 2002-09-06 13:48

Hen Pecked

Your obituary would be ideal, Hen.

Sun, 2002-09-08 17:13

andrea

I say, Funky, you're gonna need an awfully large headstone...

Fri, 2002-09-06 15:24

donignacio

Donignacio was a thoroughly good man, and then he died.

Fri, 2002-09-06 15:54

andrea

Better luck in your next incarnation. Er...that wasn't an insult, that was me ob...

Fri, 2002-09-06 15:59

Tony Cook

He started ABCtales.com but the bickerers binned it. Even Red Pepper never gave him this type of aggravation.

Fri, 2002-09-06 16:09

chant

"Fame, Wisdom, Love and Power were mine, And Health and Youth possessed me; My goblets blushed from every vine, And lovely forms caressed me; I sunned my heart in Beauty’s eyes, And felt my soul grow tender; All Earth can give, or mortal prize, Was mine of regal splendour. I strive to number o’er what days Remembrance can discover, Which all that Life or Earth displays Would lure me to live over. There rose no day there rolled no hour Of pleasure unembittered; And not a trapping decked my Power That galled not while it glittered." (LB)

Fri, 2002-09-06 16:16

Frododo

I enjoyed JRR Tolkien's Hobbituary. That's All Folks!!! (thank f.uck)

Fri, 2002-09-06 16:22

Tom Saunders

Obitchery?

Fri, 2002-09-06 16:46

#10

jude

"She tried"

Fri, 2002-09-06 16:51

#11

Hox

There goes Hox In his box He's got new socks Especially for the occasion.

Fri, 2002-09-06 16:52

#12

beef

She was colourful.

Fri, 2002-09-06 17:02

#13

Tom Saunders

On the whole I'd rather be eating celery.

Fri, 2002-09-06 20:12

#14

David Ritchie

Mine's the best: "See, I told you I was sick."

Fri, 2002-09-06 20:17

#15

stephen_d

I always told them he was a sensible lad....

Sun, 2002-09-08 23:26

#16

freda

Freda though gentle could suddenly turn ........... irrelevant now of course- she's in this urn

Fri, 2002-09-06 20:20

#17

justyn_thyme

"I'll be back."

Fri, 2002-09-06 22:35

#18

funky_seagull

It was the spliffs that got him.. that and his constant memory loss. He was always forgetting who he was, where he was.. Overconsumption of class ABC.. I remember in his final years he was troubled, forgetting where he had placed his pixie potion.. scratching his balding head he wandered around the house - haggered and tomrented like a ghost.. "Oh where did I put it..?" He asked the invisible one who hears all people who talk to themselves. I think it was in the moment when he realised he had smoked it all; and had none left nor any money to buy anymore that he panicked. I mean what is worse: no money; or no draw? Having neither. He looked over lovingly to his PS10. Searched maniacally round his living room for Rez7.. failing to find that he looked around for GTA12.. and when he realised he had lent those games out to his grandchildren, he began to despair and lament - and that was sadly when he popped his clogs.. So R.I.P: oh Funky one.

Sat, 2002-09-07 00:02

#19

W H Audenary

No Draw? Are you referring to the fact that you are unable to draw your pension, Mr. Funkadelic? I can sympathise with that. Is the PS10 you refer to a form allowing free flannel-care for the onanistically challenged?

Sat, 2002-09-07 00:15

#20

steve

damn

Sat, 2002-09-07 00:54

#21

1legspider

He was on his last leg.

Sat, 2002-09-07 01:33

#22

funky_seagull

onanistically.. *am scratching my head in frantic bewilderment* Help!! Can't find it in the dictionary.. argmonitifitionality I need a decent dictionary man.. )-****-(

Sat, 2002-09-07 01:34

#23

funky_seagull

~()()()()()OO()()()()()~ Beware of strange people in lab-coats!!!

Sun, 2002-09-08 00:01

#24

Suicide Bomber

She went out with a bang.

Sun, 2002-09-08 00:05

#25

Remainder Bin Laden

He got a double top.

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