recurring themes

failure, and robots

Numinous is a lovely word Andrew, I shall look up G K Chesterton. As far as written themes are concerned, angst ridden stuff just bores me rigid these days, I prefer magic, light, imagination, exploration, adventure, creativity to someone telling me 'how it really is' when they are really trying to say 'how it really is for me', and I am not really interested.

The Yaffle Principle cannot be the Yaffle Principle as I have already called it the Hayley Principle and been convinced of it for many years - especially after the break down of my first marriage. Basically emily, I agree - I like to say that there are right people for different times in your life, not necessarily 'the one'... what happens if your 'one' is in Madagascar and you never go there?? I don't regret any of the relationships I've had - even the really misguided ones, because I've always got something out of it, and got something out of the fall-out afterwards. (One of the best things is realising that you can go on despite what happens, and that things can get better if you're really willing to jump into them). Recurring themes in my work...hmmmm: lists metamorphosis fear objects taking on human emotions/traits obsession food sex things being as they are unrequited love art alcohol trying to be funny Actually, I have absolutely no idea about the themes in my work... that list doesn't sound right at all. If anyone has any ideas about themes in my work it would make me feel much better because I can't actually think of any. hmmm.

Hmm, well...you are right up to a point, Andrew about mine. But truly, if I'm really going to be honest, my recurring and unspoken theme is of loss and continuity. I have been waiting for a love that can break my cycle of loss and finality in love. I never recovered fully from the suicide of my closest friend and it has been absolutely extraordinary these last few weeks as I have let go of it all, that she has been in my mind constantly. I've been visibly shaking as I've told my fella about what happened to her, and it's over ten years ago. This is because I know I can let go of her now and move on with him. About the antidote though - this time there isn't one - that's the point - it's the final leap; I have to risk everything knowing that I could expire because of this, yet he has leapt with me - his risk is just as great.

There's a theory I've just invented called "The Yaffle Principle" - basically falling in love with someone enriches your life and brings aspects of your personality to the fore that would otherwise hide in the dark, and staying in love with someone also brings rewards and depth to your life - but falling in love with a succession of different people might actually be more beneficial than staying with one person forever. Perhaps for the most fulfilling life, humans should have a series of very intense, challenging and interesting relationships, hopefully without leaving lasting scars. In short, is 'falling in love' in a world where we have only a finite lifespan a better option than 'being in love', and if so, shouldn't we maximise the amount of times we fall in love? (It's an argument, not necessarily a doctrine for life - I really hope that I meet someone and live out my days with them, but by the same token, my life would have been substantially poorer for not knowing a lot of women if I'd lived happily ever after with my first girlfriend...) Anyone with a twenty-year relationship still going well want to contradict the Yaffle principle?

I just saw your post funky and thought it was lovely. There must be something wonderful to be with one person for the whole of your life, to stick by them, to have them stick by you, to be certain that you will always be around for each other. I don't think the hayley principle (I saw it first) would disagree with that either. I think when you've been divorced or split from a very long term relationship, you tend to realise that, yes it would be nice to be by someone's side until you die, but also that the sky doesn't cave in if you don't, and that you can move on, find new aspects of yourself that you never knew before, get on with your life and enjoy it. I wouldn't want to think I 'ran away' from my marriage, although in a way I did. But we were not making each other happy. We were pretending too much, only letting out certain aspects of ourselves, and I know for a fact that he and I are better off now than we were then. One could say that if we'd stuck it out then we would have moved onto a higher experience of relationship. But we didn't. And that's okay. It takes all sorts, all types. I'm not against a long long term relationship per se. I just don't feel the need to start every relationship wondering, 'Is this the one?' or 'Where is this going?' when I could just be thinking, 'Oooh, this is nice.' It doesn't mean partner hopping whenever you're bored, it just means making the most of a relationship while it works for the both of you. But your post was lovely, and if I were to find myself in a relationship like that, I'm sure I would be beaming like a very beamy person.

My recurring theme is tautology.

Dogs Mountains Murder Death Grief Sorrow All make for good horror...and sometimes...bad horror.

The chickens clucked like birds similar to chickens clucking.

I suppose my recurring theme, if I am being honest, is that the world is a marvelous place, every moment rife with possibilities if only you care to look.. and this is despite what has happened in the past. Also that, if you do not believe that in your hearts of hearts, despite what you may feel this moment, then truly you have to accept that you may have things badly wrong, and you need to start again. Arrogant perhaps, however that I think is my recurring theme.

I agree Andrew, I think one can have meaningful relationships with lots of partners... and if conducted with respect and ended with respect ( I think plain honesty is at the core of what I mean by respect) , it does not matter whether the sexual bit lasts a day or for years, I believe it can remain an enriching experience for both as you move on to other things and other people.

sex pooh food sex "you said sex twice" ... "I like sex!"

Well, in response to the Yaffle principle...I understand what you say, and have lived by that idea over the years. But now I want an end to loss and waste and to see if I can authenticate what we have over a long period of time. It's the ultimate test of strength, though I don't think that all long-standing couples are to be held up as shining examples without question because many partners abandon each other in subtle ways whilst still remaining together. I went into my marriage from a position of diminished responsibility and emotional immaturity, I gave it ten years, but I felt alone for most of it. I want to see if I can be there for someone without faltering, and let them be there for me in the same way. This applies to how I feel about my friendships now too.

We have similar themes, then, Gerry. My favourite word ever is 'numinous' and I think the most numinous author is G K Chesterton. There's a coda to a song by a band loved by me and Bert and hated by Colin and Liana, that goes "There is another world, there is a better world, well there must be" and I never hear that as being bitter or sad, just ripe with possibility. Of course there is. And if you were there, there's a better world than that too. Emma, I suppose what the Yaffle principle hints at is - take a slice of your life when you were in your long-term relationship, say a year from a good period, and compare it with the year immediately following a long-term relationship when you're getting out there and meeting loads of new people. Isn't the latter better? You've had your heart broken and healed since you left the vicar, but haven't the experiences enhanced your life once the pain cools down? I'm not sure I've ever got out of the honeymoon period with anyone but my wife, and even then, only in the last two years when the relationship was, in Woody Allen's words "A dead shark". I'm worried about that transition from honeymoon to domesticity, I have to say.

Emily - the thing about the right relationship is that it continues to get you out there and living in the here and now and experiencing life to the full in the way that I started to do after the end of my marriage. That's the magic ingredient - that you DO so much together and socialise so much. He makes me laugh uncontrollably! My social life has just ballooned beyond recognition - I'm so much more present in the moment since we got together, in my everday life - I'm getting more invites and better conversation etc. We are planning loads of things together (like we just discovered we can both ice-skate!) - stuff that I haven't even considered doing for years, just because I've been so unhappy. I was whizzing round the ice-rink last night with the kids on a cub outing. Before this relationship started I may not have bothered going on the ice at all, but I was motivated to practice because I'm going to go with him and the kids in the hols. The kids love him too and my littlest son keeps nagging me for his phone number so that he can phone him and tell him he can come for tea! It's personality too isn't it. Some people just have that amazing feel good thing that just permeates everything and makes everything right.

sex knives cakes

Lack of communication, parts of the body (either falling off or being deformed), not penguins, shrinking and going to the moon.

I now see a Drew-Emma crossover about a girl with a wooden eye who falls in love with a moon-midget, but the moon-midget can breathe moon air but has a glass ear and can't hear anything the girl says and can't lip-read through the girl's space-suit visor, so the girl has to risk suffocation to say "I love you".... and she has a pet crow.

I love that Andrew and I may well write it. At the very least I am going to write a story with someone in it with a wooden eye. Have you ever seen Spongebob Squarepants? He is in love with a squirrel who lives at the bottom of the sea who lives in a glass air bubble. Whenever he goes in the bubble, because he is a sponge he starts to dehydrate. I get a woman at work to tell me the plots. She watches it with her kids.

Spongebob is great, but his friend Patrick makes me feel uncomfortable.

you like guns too, Fish!

I have a 43 year relationship still going badly!

I have a sponge-bob rug in the bathroom and a sponge-bob toothbrush holder too. My girlfriend thinks I'm strange. I told her it has nothing to do with sponge-bob, it's just a symptom.

10 points to anyone who can guess my recurring themes? This should take all off 10 seconds.

Have to disagree with the yaffle principle. emily said : '...falling in love with a succession of different people might actually be more beneficial than staying with one person forever...' I cannot believe in this - for the simple reason that there is something truly deep and profound about getting close to someone and staying with them. It is for me, personally, the closest I have ever felt to god and knowing myself. I will not say that people can't do what they please, because they can, if having a succesion of failed relationships makes them happy, then so be it, it's their life, everyone's different - however that way is not for me, and that also is fine, because it is also my life. A lot of people run when the going gets tough in relationships, run from themselves, run when the grindstone begins to grind. And it always does ultimately, when the honeymoon phase passes and people begin to see each others faults - realize that the perfect person , isn't well, perfect. it takes a certain kind of strength, courage and faith to stick it out and not falter, to see it through; not to run away and hide. I know a lot of people who run away when the going gets tough , they flit and flirt like a butterfly from one love to another, and never really find, well - love. Cause you can only ever find true love if you do stick it out. If you do not falter, if you keep walking the path of life hand in hand together. It is the hard times, which make your relationship stronger and deeper, more solid, more real, more entwined; this is why people should try hard to stay together and work through their difficulties as one. Because if you follow the yaffle principle, you will never truly understand what that paragraph means. one last thing I'll say... often the sort of person we think is right for us, imagine we want, imagine we love - is not the right person for us at all, and often we fall and hurt ourselves because of this. Our heads let us down, the images of love and what we want in a relationship that we hold in our minds are often incorrect and unreal. Often what happens is, we fall in love with someone we weren't intending to fall in love with, and when it happens it is the best thing in the whole world, and all your preconcieved ideas about love, about relationships come toppling down. you realize that this person you hadn't dreamed of being with, is the right person for you; and the whole thing shines like the stars; blossoms like flowers in spring; and you know that what you have found is the real thing. Falling in love seems to happen when you're not expecting or looking for it; but when you do find it , it is something you should try real hard to fight for and believe in. It is better to learn how to help one another and talk through our frustrations, work out how to overcome difficulties together ; look for solutions instead of problems; stick together when the way gets a bit rocky, dark and barren; persevere and come through the otherside into a greener pasture - it takes two determined people for this to succeed; and it is what real love is all about ; it aint easy, but it is much better than having the same recurring theme of love and divorce playing over and over again in our lives.

I have the spongebob theme tune in mp3?

Themes cropping up in at least three of my stories/poems: travelling by train birds and birdwatching people from the Asian sub-continent losing and refinding love fraudsters Pennine landscapes devious and hypocritical religious people all manner of kinky sex local North-West themes and issues Synopsis of a typical Neil story using all the above: A recently-divorced Pakistani Mancunian goes on a bird watching trip to Yorkshire, falls in love with a dominatrix on the train but has his wallet stolen by a dodgy vicar whilst they're in Standedge tunnel...