Blooms Day (Help needed)

Well Chris, please don't shoot the messenger. I like your character very much, but you started off well by showing the narrator & then went on to tell, rather than to show. It's a point I picked up from Juilet and it really changed the 1st chapter of my book. Unless you intend writing more, than I'd drop the filming, it dosen't work without follow-up. Really show us your character, even take the story into the present if you can, then the ending can be left open, ready for more if you want to take it further, I hope this helps, Lisa.