Please review my Poem for me.
Fri, 2007-01-19 17:41
#1
Please review my Poem for me.
Dream on my son, dream on.
This pen to you I give;
Compose Fantasia songs
Which sound an urge to live.
Mind not the humble start;
'tis where we nust begin.
The song plays in your heart;
"PROSPERITY" it sings.
Let no man stop the song
Or put tune in discord;
Their melodys have gone;
Hold dearly onto yours.
For it shall be your guide
Through places unexplored.
And shall be your drive,
Impelling you to more.
This tune shall not grow old;
Nor fadeth out this song;
So every child is told
Dream On My Son, Dream On.
What do you want to know about it?
The sounds and the rhythm are quite pleasant. The vocabulary seems to come from a Victorian hymn.
Not sure there's enough meaning in it to sustain five verses of writing on the page. It might work better as a song.



