Things you will never hear....

5, 6, 7, 22, 28, 29

From Tom: "No really you can get those things out in here." Also: "That Martin Amis looks like a really nice bloke."

" We have decided that for the good of all mankind it is time to abolish money..." World leaders

glad you enjoyed it Seb. I always fret the day after posting stuff like that. I immediately notice that i have missed off a lot of people. It is not deliberate ... I did it live and from memory of who is active in the forums at the moment. then i worry that some I have mentioned will take offence. then I come to my senses and with a decisive shout of 'who cares anyway?' I move on. after watching spurs stuff it right up the blues tonight I would say that you will never hear ron atkinson use an adverb. "na, the boy whazzisface played terrific tonight"

George Bush farting

From a parent: 'Of course you can have my credit card. Here's my pin number, and here's fifty quid to start you off. Oh, and here's the car keys, and of course your boyfriend can spend the night in your room. Oh, and here's a bottle of absinthe, drink it before you start the car up, ok?'

*tittering at Primates comment* For shame!! :O)

go to www.dancingbush.com - to the aerobics section and you certainly will hear george bush farting :0)

Where do you live sweetheart?

exactly, I missed Linsi off and now she will never speak to me again. :-)

I do not hold grudges! *mental note, never, ever speak or associate with Stormy AGAIN*

aww, Lins .... i am sooo sorry, please love me? *thinks .... phew! thank fark for that*

*sneaks into work and photocopies "loads" of pictures of Stormy doing "all sorts" and sends them to each member on the site.... "That will teach yeh!!" *satisfied grin on chops*

stormy never *did* me :-(

Think yer self lucky! hee haaa hoo hoohoohoho *chokes on evil laughter*

Ah, but is it really George Bush, Sarah, or a ventriloquist?

Of courssh I won't tell anygoggy Monica Lewinsky

Geoff Hurst: 'Nah, it never crossed the line.'

Andrea: I hate twist in the tale stories Roy: me too Andrea: I'm gonna write some cockney poetry that don't rhyme Liana: I've just been offered a job at Clinton Cards Chant: I wish I could write like Bill Monks Bill Monks: What is a hook? Fish: (taking the bait) hmm - absolutely Bill Tom: All you need is a good plot, stuff characterisation Funky: yeah man, death to all liberal druggies, send em to guano bay Skydolphin: I have some nice friends who would never mess with my internet connection Karl: mess with my family and I'll err let you off with a light warning Stuart: I would like to thank Karl for showing me the light at the end of his tunnel and I truly adore him, his postings and, of course luvvies, the whole ABCEthos Eric: you missed out D. (sorry wrong thread) Robert: is it my turn to dance the salsa? Judith: No, me next, but I fancy a conga wiv Michael Foot first Andrew Pack: I could write this as an autobiographical piece. I'm fed up with off beat stuff Mykle: I really have nothing to say at the moment Sebastian: Yeah, that's coz God is speaking to your other Id Dogstar: wha ken youse lot nort spaek en anglish AJ: doon pika feeit wi' me Mississippi: pretentious? moi? lead on, McDuff, take me to the threads of erudition Martin: Go where you like mate, wouldn't catch me reading out loud in a crowded bar Justyn: good, I just hate those puns you use 1Leg: now I'm hopping mad. I hate humour. Hoxtoneye: me too. perhaps we should meet in the ex-servicemans club next time. Ralph: good idea. I can read out my collection of war poems Beef: I love living in Norwich. It's so central. Ari: I wish I was there too. Life at Uni is such a bore. Sarah: I agree. I think I'll fit some hair extensions Eddie: Hmmm... but first I need to write some angsty stuff about fruit MYB: nothing ever gets my goat. (SAS trained) Wolfie: yeah, bloody animals. Do you like my new fur? General S manager: why do you all look down on me? Emily: I'm fed up doing this. bollocks to all of you Miss Tral Jane: I agree, especially the kids stuff. Stormy: I can't go on, stuff this thread

wha KEN youse lot nort spaek en anglish onyway?

Vanessa Feltz: "Chocolate cake? Not for me thanks!" Anne Widdecombe: "So I said 'NO Keanu - I'm not that kind of girl!'" Tony Blair: "I'll be out and about in my constituency for a while.." Bin Laden: "Best trim my beard - want to look my best for Parkinson later."

...the sound on Rod Hull's telly... ...Stephen Hawkings' footsteps...

Any politician anywhere anytime, any place...... .......SORRY!

On ABC tales, "You are welcome to your opinion, no really, I don't agree with you, but your'e absolutely welcome to it" Without 5 minutes later the Soviet tanks start rolling in, ( there's a lot of them about since the break up of the old Soviet Union!)

Delia Smith..." I find Golden Wonder's Pot Noodles will do the job,, just as well!"

Anne Widddecome saying "Good gear, man!"

Anne Widdicombe saying: "I'm saving for some silicone implants."

Jonathan Ross, Mark la Marr, et al saying, "Sorry, you're right, that was in bad taste"

Tony Blair to George Bush: " I disagree"

*Gordon Brown to Peter Mandelson* haven't seen you for ages....fancy a pint ?

'The riot was caused by drunken Scottish louts.' After crowd trouble at the Aberdeen v Rangers match the local paper, 'The Press and Journal', carried the headline: 'English Agitators Blamed for Riot'. No facts to back it up, of course. All those arrested were Scots. Perhaps the headline was referring to the English barmaid at the 'East Neuk' pub, who forced hundreds of unwitting fans to drink copious quantities of beer.

Any woman saying to any man: "Now that I think about it, you are indeed right."

Of course it makes your bum look big. Try looking in a mirror. *Death comes as a merciful release shortly after speaking* No, I don't fancy Paris. Let's have your parents round for the weekend instead. Labour to privatise parts of NHS. *oops*

me saying "yeah ralph and i made it up ... he's a great bloke really just a little misunderstood"