Cloud (or) 7th Day bt MOnkeyboy2

Hey Maisie, hope you're well, and thanks for the comment. Yes, the ending is a bit cheesy, I guess - but that's OK.

Hi, I liked this too. Well-drawn characters and an interesting idea, well executed. I think the main problem with the ending is the last line. It reduces the story to a a pun or a play on words when it is actually far better than that. My advice would be to leave the story open ended. the story is built on a strange idea - but that's no bad thing. I think the last line tries to tie things together too much. Perhaps you could end with the artist's description of the painting - or use his description to add something to the story that came before it. For example, Mrs Eldridge, a phone held to her ear, looking confused and a little upset. Just an idea. Great stuff! Joe

i like spac's ideas, but i also think the ending works just fine the way it is. wonderful idea - wish i'd thought of it!

The plot is interesting, and the pace is good, but i agree that the ending could be a little more open, leaving the reader to surmise. I felt it lacked depth in that, a sinister element of artists, authors etc is that the steal other peoples words and personalities to create their art. This is a very visual example of this, and could have been palyed on more. But great story, i enjoyed it. ty. Juliet