First Things First by Foster

I really, really enjoyed this. There's something rather 'Franny and Zooey' about it, and I hope you take that as a compliment, Foster, that's certainly how it's meant...I know it's risky telling a writer that their work reminds you a bit of someone else's. There's a lovely rhythm to the first paragraph that drew me in, and the dialogue is great throughout. Also, there's just the right amount of description for me, sketching the scene but leaving lots to my imagination. Great read, thank you!

Thanks for the flag, Tom, and for the kind words. And for the invitation. Lib, I could never take a comparison to Salinger as anything other than a compliment. He often influences my stories, and I agree with the Franny and Zooey comparison, humbly. And since I have so much trouble with titles, I’ll tell you that I’ve recently adopted an oft-used Salinger practice of using a line from the story – in this case, it was the last line. Thanks Again – Foster.

I think what i like most about this story is the characterisation - Billy, Carl and Jenny are fully rounded and you get a real sense of them. the story itself is carefully and vividly described, the attention to detail 'smudges on the tablecoth' delightful. I really can't find anything to criticise and the title i think is perfect. What else can i say, except i wish i had written it. Juliet

I'm exhausted and don't have the energy to get into the full feedback of why I thought this was so good, but for now I wanted to say something so I'll say this: This was great. I love most of your work, but this is particularly brilliant. Now I'm off to bed.... Enzo.. www.thedevilbetweenus.com

I loved this, but -unlike lib- found the first couple of paragraphs a touch clunky, the second one in particular struck me as something that could be said better with half as many words. It also drifts into the passive voice occasionally. It is a small thing, and I probably would not have even noticed if they weren't the first two paragraphs. Agree utterly about the characterisation, and the dialogue was great, and there are lots of wonderful little physical descriptions, like "reloaded his fists with the bag handles", and "the skeleton of a leaf". I wasn't so sure about the ending, it's a good ending but it seems to be suddenly laid out on a plate - if you get what I mean. I'm don't know how I'd change it though.

Thanks, everyone. Not the first time these opening paragraphs have been pointed out. I've edited, trying to keep what I liked, what Lib liked - but not sure i have. Since I've no formal training, I had to do some research on the passive voice - I found this website that cleary illustrates passive/active voices, and clearly states an active voice is preferrable. Anyway, I found it helpful: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_actpass.html thanks again, foster.

Yup, it's still ace. There's something extremely elegant about the phrase "He stood alone on a platform, waiting for a train." Especially used at the end of a paragraph. Made me want to read it out loud it did. Lovely.

Not quite sure about the final few paragraphs after the asterisk and "son of a bitch" - I think everything there was evident earlier. I liked the cream beret motif and how the loathing dissipates when he realises what he's losing.