Patrick Allard - bite-bullet

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
Patrick Allard - bite-bullet

http://www.abctales.com/story/patrick-allard/bite-bullet

Patrick, I liked this, it was witty and well put together. Couple of points though:

There were a couple of spelling errors 'your' when you meant 'you're' and a 't' at the end of 'though'.

When you some is speaking, it's like this:
"When I say something," she said, "I have a lower case on the 'she'." She turned and left the forum, pointing at the comma at the end of her words.

If you want the explanation clearer, have a look one of the other forums, someone asked this not too long ago, and it was explained better than I have done.

Last point, I felt like I should feel for him more. I wanted to be closer to the main character, but it didn't quite happen. I can't tell you why, or how to fix it (sorry) maybe it was because he was so wishy-washy, and that feeling came through to me.

This could be really good, a snapshot in an uncontented 30 something's life. As it stands, it's still worth a look and a read.

Lisa

You'd think after two years, I'd know what to do... Ah, well.
Topic locked