The Past Five Months

Well where to begin with this tale of my life for the last five months. I guess I should start by saying I am safe and happy most of the time when I don't have to communicate with a certain person. But sharing a child means I have to communicate with him.

Lets start with the weekend of November 22nd. I went to a friends house as she lives on her own, her cat looked like he was on his way to kitty heaven.  My husband (who I am still married to but in process of divorcing) made many conditions on how long I could be (wanted me home at 6pm, left at 4pm), was tracking my location so when we went to see this friends niece who happened to be my friend too, he started to freak out messenging me asking me where I was, telling me I couldn't keep time and was just abusive in messages. I was meant to be home at 6pm as mentioned before but I came in at 7:30pm. He seemed fine in person

November 23rd, I went to work as usual in the morning early as I was a community carer. He was fast asleep. He seemed normal the night before. That should have been my warning sign that he was about to explode. I came home from work, he seemed sulky but I put it down to the night before. Big mistake. At 10pm I told him I was going to bed and asked him what his problem was as he had barely said two words to me all afternoon after I finished work. Turns out he had been recording my conversations on the phone for about two weeks as he felt that I was lying to him. He didn't like some of my friends and had told me to stop speaking to them and of course I did not listen and continued to talk to them and he was mad that I had not listened to him. I left the house in the one car we share to think and to get away from his lectures. I went back to the friend I saw on the saturday night and stayed there all night with him messging me horrible things telling me that my friends are not my friends and they are the children of satan etc.

If no one has guessed he was a controlling husband, who called me names, told me I couldn't go out for coffee for my friends, said awful things to me to guilt trip me into things. Made decisions for me based on his religious beliefs.

Monday 24th November, I came home at 6;30am in the morning. He took the car keys and went to work. I was in pieces. I wanted to end my life, I couldn't carry on the way I was going. Rang my friends niece and she told me I had to get out of the house. She came over, I packed everything I could fit into two suitcases and some black bags and rucksacks (so clothes and a few electricals) and her aunt who i saw on saturday night too came and took me to the council to find me temporary accomadation. I was homeless, crying and had no idea where me and my son were going to stay the night. My phone was off as I did not want my husband to know where I was and he still doesn't know where I live.

They found me a nice little house which I stayed in for two weeks then a charity has given me a house that is temporary but more permanant. My son is in school for the first time in his life and loves it. I am happy to be out of a controlling emotionally abusive marriage and I am happy like 90% of the time.

I have been cyber stalked by my husband. In the first month I was gone I had over 300 facebook messages from him not begging me to come back but telling me that God will forgive me for everything if I go back. I had 50 messages in one night in the space of 4 hours. My husband sold the car, bribed me with money to see him and he was going to give me thousands of pounds to sit in a room with him etc. I stayed strong and not gone back.

Now the really good news, 2 months (nearly 3 months) ago I put myself on a dating app. Well I am guessing you know where I am going with this one. I met a local man (no name droppng yet) and we have been together for nearly as 3 months now. He is kind, caring and always lets me do whatever I need to do. Never questions how long I am going out for, where I am. Of course I still tell him who I am with. Coffee with so and so and he says have fun. I drink sometimes now and planning on getting a tattoo and he is supportive as hell.

My ex still gets in my head sometimes and I know that he can't hurt me but my head sometimes still thinks bad things. I almost convince myself that I don't serve to be happy, that I have ruined my child's life and maybe I should have stayed but then I see how much more confident I am with myself, relaxed around my friends and how happy I am to be able to do normal things that people do. I hope to concentrate a little more with my writing and being a good mother and girlfriend.

And yes my son still sees his dad. We have a drop off point and pick up point. Normally 2 places depending on where I am. He doesn't know where I live but knows area. He isn't a stalker in real life just on messenger and phone calls.

I am safe and happier than I have been in a long time and I am glad I have all you guys on here and I can write again hopefully more than I have been. I have lots of ideas and I want to put them onto paper so to speak.

Thanks for reading this very ong blog and hope its not confused anyone and explains a few things.