'Smoking a Cigarette'
Sat, 2003-03-15 03:13
#1
'Smoking a Cigarette'
Smoking a Cigarette by Loafingking impressed me, and furthermore made me beam, even though it's some crazy time in the middle of the night, and I'm in my dressing gown, and my eyes are betraying me to the 12 watt bulb.
I'm not sure about 'a thousand wet dreams' but the repetition of the 'Lying on my bed, watching you smoke a cigarette' (in a different context the second time!) and the last two lines are class-A poetic jokes, in my opinion. And I don't mean by jokes that they're trivial or superficial - just that the understanding is instantaneous, like a Wildean epigram.
Vartis
I like 'when you kissed me and meant it' and I like the tone a lot, the absence of regret, the clear eye and the humour. A pleasure to read.
martin_t
loved the last three lines the most...
"My only explanation for getting this far,
Is that mediocre people do
Amazing things every day."
good stuff....will check more of his writing out...
Rokkitnite
Yeah, I enjoyed this. Abctales is making me like poetry. I mean, I'm *voluntarily* reading it! Will wonders never cease?
I agree with the previous posters that the finish is a humdinger.
Tony Cook
Agreed - liked it enormously. It is now suitably cherried!
pip pip
spack
Yup, definitely agree. I've never entirely understood, or liked, the idea of a piece having a 'clear eye' but it's fair to say this piece has 20-20 vision (oh dear). Succinct, moving and surprising. Great stuff!
beachwood
Hmmmmmmm