It sounds interesting.as a regular user of codeine which bungs one up, I have alwaysrelied on a Lamb Mdras and 7 pints of Cobra to clear me out but this sounds like a fascinating alternative from both a biologists point of iew for the success of the operation and the physicists point of view for the sheer inventiveness of the equipment.
It's funny but when you write you think... it'd be nice to be recognised, famous even, maybe have your work read by commuters etc etc.....
nothing!
Then you decide to share some information about stuffing tubes up your backside in the hope of being reaquainted with the school dinners you've been dragging around for years and you think... well, it's only the guys at ABC who'll read this, no big deal.
I'm particilarly pleased with the tubing, because it's not rubber but plastic it's corrosion (asmentioned above) will be far less, also, on the same point, there is no 'return flow' on mine, it's just a basic gravity fed system, so there will be no tube rotting to worry about. It's all clean going in!
it's almost exactly the same as the 'douche bag' in the top right picture except the bag is a hot water bottle, the tube is clear (all the better to monitor the flow) and the black end is a clear plastic case of a biro.
I mean, just look at the stuff there, it's hardly neurosurgery is it? That can looks like something your gran's kept under the stairs since the war for putting out fires!
in the old days when i had my first baby you had a shave and an enema as standard .... brrrr ... it was a teeny little thing but i always remember the hearty old midwife bellowing ...
think yourself lucky ... in the old days we used to say a good enema was High, Hot and a Helluva Lot ...
nowadays i believe they dont do enemas at all but just leave you to poo on the delivery table ...
Now I'm wondering what those commuter folks were googling when they found this thread?
"Right, let's see what I can find about enemas. Surely somewhere there's a blog for me. Oh yes, here it is--right up my alley."
i quite like this gross encounters thread ...
i am going to come clean now about a gross encounter i had on the X61 between northampton and murky ...
i sat on a seat near the back of the empty bus and on got a gothic looking chap with big dyed blonde hair and rubber trousies ... he sat on the seat in front of me which was one step down so i could look down on him ...
he fell asleep on the way and it was quite peaceful passing through the lovely northamptonshire countryside (it is the rose of the shires) ...
just past brixworth the goth began to shift about in his seat and i watched as (still asleep) he shoved his hand down his rubber trousers where he had an evident (and large) lob on ...
the gross thing is that when he took his hand out again after his rearrangments ... he sniffed his fingers ...
I just had a vision of (names withheld) linking vodka enemas in front of the yule log with the angel atop the blessed tree looking down with a beautific (drunken) smile.
I think this takes the award for thread of the year.
I have experienced an enema only once - our second child was born at home and the crazy and very old Irish midwife decided I should give my wife the aforementioned as she was feeling 'a little shaky'. That gave us confidence.
She supplied the tube and I just shoved it up and then poured a bucket full of warm water and washing up liquid down it.
"You won't believe how much is going in."
"I bloody would."
Mass explosion. Young Franklin born in record time - the doctor still downstairs chatting with the midwife and me catching him and hollering things like 'Woohee' and 'Give us a hand here.'
So much for the gentle hippy music and groovy assistance on the breathing techniques. His big sister didn't even have time for a bath at her mate's next door before she was recalled to greet her new sibling.
Now he's a strapping 24 year old chef and extreme ski-er - he always was in a hurry.
Gord Tony, what a time to remember you telling me that story and warning me against the perils of motherhood. This time around I can't have three bottles of Chardonnay to take the edge off.
fish,
You are absolutely right. My mad friend Vince is an aficionado in the genteel art of getting snot-flying drunk and and he knows the value of ingestion via the poop shute.
I think I've told this story before so sorry. A friend of ours owns a place called the quays which is a sort of watersports club on an old quarry (water filled). A few years ago I was there with a girlfriend who had a whopping crush on one of the instructors.
Friend decides that she's going to show off her waterskiing abilities to bloke, and also her very toned bod, so she ditches the wetsuit (against all advice) and decides to go for it in a very tiny bikini. Boat racing along very fast, friend loses footing and lands on arse and Kerpow - no need for tubing. instant enema. Always wear a wetsuit.
It may be you can save all the tubing costs Lofty, according to a site I just surfed into vaginal enemas are all the go. I quote;
>>Of course, the typical tampon won't hold that much alcohol. I don't know what brand they are using, and what absorbancy strength, but tampons don't usually need to cope with more than a few tablespoons during a woman's entire menstrual cycle (each tampon needs to absorb less than that total, of course). You'd have to ask one of our chemist-types about how well alcohol would be transferred from a cotton/rayon matrix into the epithelial layer, since I can't guess how the tampon's construction would affect the alcohol's diffusion. <<
And here's the coffee job;
Making Coffee Enema
Ingredients
2 to 3 tablespoons of fresh ground organic coffee (light roast) only.
4 cups distilled water
glass or enamel pot (do not use teflon, aluminum or iron)
fine sieve
enema bag with rubber or plastic tubing connected. Enema bag should have a fountain syringe applicator
small amount of olive oil
Instructions
1. Using the amounts specified above in the pot, bring the coffee to a boil. Boil for 3 minutes then simmer for 15 minutes. Strain using a very fine sieve. Allow this liquid to cool to body temperature (98.6 F). It should feel comfortable to the touch.
2. Pour this liquid into the enema bag, clamping the tube as you pour. Lubricate the nozzle with the olive oil.
3. Hang the enema bag between 1 1/2 to 2 feet above the floor in the bathroom. The higher the bag, the faster the speed of intake into the colon.
4. Place a large towel on the floor. Lie on your right side, with your legs curled into your abdomen. An alternate position is lying on your back with a pillow under your buttocks.
5. Take deep breaths and slowly insert the nozzle several inches into the rectum. If it is inserted too quickly it may bend or become kinked inside the colon. A gentle rotating motion can be used to insert. Move the enema bag higher or lower to adjust the flow of the solution into the colon.
6. Retain the solution for about 10 to 12 minutes. To encourage the solution to reach all parts of the colon, you can lie on your left side for 3 minutes, your back for 3 minutes and your right side for 3 minutes. You may hear or feel a squirting of fluid below your right rib cage. Many people believe that this is sensation is due to the release of toxin-laden bile.
7. Empty the bowel carefully. The enema syringe should be sterilized after each use. It can be boiled or washed thoroughly with soap and water, then soaked in a solution of 4 drops grapefruit seed extract and 2 cups water.
Troubleshooting
You may not be able to hold all the fluid in with one enema. In this case, the procedure can be repeated two or more times in sequence, making sure to empty the bowel in between.
If you have cramping, the solution is flowing too quickly. Pinch the enema tube to stop the flow and lower the bag. Do not continue until the cramps have subsided.
If the solution is flowing evenly, the enema tube may be bent or kinked. Slowly and gently pull it partly out and then insert it again several inches.
Side Effects and Adverse Reactions
If you start to feel sick during the enema, or become dizzy, nauseous or faint, stop the enema. People with gallstones should not try a coffee enema.
I shall pass these instructions to mrs. S.
It sounds far gentler than her curent method of waking me up in the mornings which involves an inserted funnel and a hot mug of Carte Noire.
Raspberry Leaf Tea, Rachel. It's the answer to an easy birth. Start drinking it in copious amounts three months before launch (Sorry, birth) and your innards turn into a slippery slide. Or so I'm told. Our three certainly popped out OK but then again maybe that was just luck.
I've been on the dog to my mad mate Vince and he says he got the idea of a voddie enema years ago from listening to Lenny Bruce. Apparently Bruce, who had a number of bad habits, sometimes woke up in the morning feeling so rough that he "couldn't be arsed going through all that drinking process to get drunk", so he'd ram a fifth of Vladivar up the tradesman's and wait for the rush.
I think I'll give it a go tonight with the Baileys Cream.
Related link? from football365-
Last Exit to Brooklyn?
Aki's Gruel Attack
Still no word from Aki Riihilahti on his official website about his match-winning performance for Crystal Palace on Monday night.
Instead his devoted followers will have to console themselves with Aki's last update, which focused exclusively on the perils of international duty for the modern-day footballer. Take it away, Aki:
'Someone tried to put their thumb in my arse last week. I've never before experienced such a gruel attack. I was only trying to block keepers view standing next to the wall when unexpectedly I was attacked from behind. Luckily the finger was blocked by my shorts. I was relieved to survive with my backside untouched but still I was disgusted by the behaviour of that Armenian player. He only laughed when I questioned was he attacking both ways.'
Not that there is any question as to how many ways in Aki has for his under-attack rear end.
'I don't know or want to mention the name of that Armenian player,' he rages. 'I'm sure he is a good player and a good professional.
I made sure during the game that he knows my bum is exit only.'
An excellent clarification, sir!
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This from news.com.au, a down under warning from down under so to speak:
"Warning on ice cube enemas
By Judy Skatssoon
DRUG and medical experts have issued a warning following evidence that would-be first aiders have been using ice cube "enemas" to revive people from drug overdoses.
Experts say putting ice cubes up the rectums of unconscious people has no physiological benefit and can even lead to seizures and stroke.
According to Paul Dillon, research officer with the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre (NDARC), some people have been attempting to insert ice cubes into the anuses of friends who have become unconscious after taking the party drug GHB in the mistaken belief that it will revive them.
But GHB overdose expert David Caldicott, of the Emergency Department of Royal Adelaide Hospital, said the practice was potentially hazardous.
Quoted in the gay community newspaper the Sydney Star Observer, Dr Caldicott said putting an object into the rectum of someone not expecting it could cause a "vagal" reaction. "
So for those still considering the voddie enema, no ice, presumably no lemon, and don't even think about those little umbrellas.......
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The Baileys was most efficacious. I couldn't use the hot water bottle because my 14-year-old had set it up beside his bed as an adrenaline drip. But in the kitchen I found a very serviceable squeezy bottle for the back door application, appropriately labelled 'Fairy Liquid'.
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