toughlove/mikepyro

That's really weird. And I didn't even know you had flagged it yet. But thanks for the flag nobody, I edited a bit more, and I hope you liked it.

sorry everyone, heres the link for the version thats up now. (edited) http://www.abctales.com/story/mikepyro/tough-love-0

i liked the plot and the way you it shifted about in time, but i felt the characterisations lacked depth - i didn't really get a sense of the characters, what they were thinking, and consequently i didn't really feel for them. Maybe pick a characters pov - then tell the story from their perspective. just my thoughts Juliet

Mike, that last sentence gave me chills. I thought the time shuffle worked really well. Not sure I entirely agree with Juliet here, maybe a few more side comments (she said bitting her nails/twisting her hair or continue with descriptions of Ralph - hands smudged with a weeks grease). Over all possibly the best I've read from you. Nice job.

Mike, that last sentence gave me chills. I thought the time shuffle worked really well. Not sure I entirely agree with Juliet here, maybe a few more side comments (she said bitting her nails/twisting her hair or continue with descriptions of Ralph - hands smudged with a weeks grease). Over all possibly the best I've read from you. Nice job.

Thanks nobody, you to Juliet, Lisa h. I'll edit a bit more later, from each of your ideas, thanks for the critisism. And thanks to whoever else read this story.