Bladdy Landaners

Me and ower kiddo
Sorry …
My friend and I
Were gooing down Frankley Beeches Rowd
“’Ere, ower kiddo,” he said
“This ‘ere road am a bit like Tottenham Court Rowd”
“Gerroff,” I said “’Owd’ye mean?”
“Well it’s a road, yeah” he said
“An’ its got buildings, yeah
An’ cars
An’ people
An’ like”
“Oh, I see,” I said, “Where am this Tottenham Court Rowd then?”
“Down south somewhere,” he said
“Who lives there?” I said
“Not sure,” he replied
“But I once met a kiddo from Essex
He told me that they were all bladdy Landaners from round there”
“Bladdy Landaners?” I said
“Bladdy Landaners,” he echoed
“What are them like then?” I asked
“Funny lot,” he said
“Don’t like Banks’ Moild”
“Well I’ll goo to the bottom of ower garden,” I said
“Drink Ligh’ an’ bi’’er, “ he said
“Blooming ‘eck!” I exclaimed
“Don’t like the Villa,” he said
“Well I’ll goo to the foot of ower stairs,” I said
“Support Arsenal and Chelsea and like,” he said
“Blooming ‘eck!” I exclaimed
“Talk posh and quirky like,” he said
“Well I’ll goo round the Wrekin in me jockstrap,” I said
“Don’t talk normal like ‘ow we do,” he said
“Blooming ‘eck!” I exclaimed
“Can’t say ternimus,” he said
“Can’t say ternimus?” I exclaimed
Well I larrfed ‘til me taters hurted
“Funny lot,” he said
“Funny lot,” I echoed
“So, these bladdy Landaners,” I said
“Were they all born there?”
“Most of them,” he said
“But some of ‘em moved there from all ower the place,”
“Blooming ‘eck,” I exclaimed
“All bladdy Landaners,” he said
“All bladdy Landaners,” I echoed
“Funny lot,” he said
“Funny lot,” I echoed
“Different culture,” he said
“Different culture,” I echoed
“Talk funny,” he said
“Talk funny,” I echoed
“Fancy a piecey?” he said