Peace Talks.

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Thu, 2003-10-02 11:57

Peace Talks.

I'd like to welcome you all aboard the SS Ballbag for these top-level peace negotiations.

Around the table today we have representatives from the Dad Rockin' Camden Cowboys, the Primrose Hill Hand Wringing Dinner Party Liberals, Lianarr's Baldness Denial Squad, Gooners Unlimited, the Full-On Ipswich Comfort League, Jude’s Funny Hat, The Spotty A R S E D Boring Troll Parade, Father Mark Y-B, Don Ignacio and the Trailer Park Legion of Doom, The Glasgow Library Creepers, The Brixton Bad Boy Panic Attack, The Rainy Day Skeet Patrol, The Tramp Vomit Massive, Flashy and Marchy's Big Production Number, cliterati.com, the Opposable Thumb Up North Brigade, the Text Messaging Youth Club, smog.net and the People's Front of Walthamstow.

And of course the Silent Floating Pod People will be tuning in on Broadband.

Since the outbreak of G. Diss hostilities two and one half years ago we have seen many casualties. I myself suffered some uncomfortable perineum chaffing during the Great Homophobia Battle of 2002. George Van-Win bears the scars of the Tony Martin Face-Off of mid 2003 and the Salaryman is still receiving treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder following the inhuman Plagiarism Ambush of, er, some moments ago.

Comrades I say now: the bloodshed must cease!
What sort of world are we leaving for our chil-der-ren?
What sort of example are we setting for those future generations of Internet saddoes?
How much oil could a gumboil boil, if a gumboil could boil oil?
Must we be judged by history as a gang of obsessive, grudge bearing, intransient, curmudgeonly, vituperative, crepuscular, didactic, perpendicular, er… bootylicious, er… incontinent knobheads?

I say stop the fighting now!
Reclaim the Diss for reasoned, sensible debate!
We have all suffered at each other’s hands; now let us use those hands to lay down our arms. Let us use those hands to shake hands.

Let the flame wars cease and let peace reign forever.

We have only this chance; let us not let it be allowed to let slip for fear that will let bad stuff start up again.

Peace.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:20

stuart

The Stuartists have apologised on many occasions for past, um... material inaccuracies. Terrorist activity at these peace negotiations will not stand. We must address the core issue. Are we going to be more friendly or not?

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:23

Pugh E. Sidebohmma

Likewise boyo. *phhhhhutttttt* ooops.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:27

BarneyMcGrew E....

Silence infidel. Only by submitting to the rule of Larph - peace and blessings be upon him - can you be saved. *explodes*

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:27

freda

I don't want peace. Just temporary comfort and to belong somewhere.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:38

stuart

Order! I demand that all delegates sit down and stop shouting! You're scaring me.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:51

Stephen Gardiner

It wasn't like this at Yalta. Apart from the fat, brandied-up war-monger from England stubbing his cigars out on Roosevelt's head and the mass-murderer with the paintbrush moustache who kept trying to offload crates of vodka, things went pretty smoothly. Now we've got Stuart Kofi-Anan banging his shoe on the podium and telling us all to behave. We're doomed.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:56

Flash

Man Gen.Diss is alive again, what happened? Stu have you got a theory?

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:58

marchioness

Flash - what is always in ratatouille...aubergine, courgette, tomatoes, onion...er think that's it...must be honest though it was made by dear M&S.

Thu, 2003-10-02 14:05

#10

Flash

you're into M&S good heavens!!!! *falls off chair again*

Thu, 2003-10-02 14:26

#11

stuart

I really must insist that the 'tales Peace and Reconciliation Committee retake their seats and let these talks resume. Now, I have before me a message from the Arthur Hostile Evil Breakfast League. In it they say that they are prepared to relinquish their claim on the space between Stormy's ears. I return they demand at least four square inches of skin on top of his Lordship's shiny noggin which they claim is historically their rightful homeland. Also, I have it on good authority that the Ivoryfishbone Chunky Bouffant Faction will offer a complete cessation of underground vodka manoeuvres if they can be guaranteed unfettered access to the toilets. Now please. Let us treat these offers of peace for what they are: offers of peace. We must move forward, we don't have a reverse gear, the lardies not for gurning.

Thu, 2003-10-02 16:10

#12

justyn_thyme

"the Ivoryfishbone Chunky Bouffant Faction" ???? ....the end of civilization as we know it is at hand.....

Thu, 2003-10-02 16:35

#13

marchioness

Flash - what's wrong with M&S?? Did you think i said that the other way around?

Thu, 2003-10-02 16:45

#14

Tony Cook

I prefer S & M ratatouille. Death to the Pretender. I will not give up four square inches of noggin space to anyone. Start negotiating at one. but I warn you, I may scratch.

Thu, 2003-10-02 16:54

#15

Flash

Why is it not the same both ways round?

Thu, 2003-10-02 17:13

#16

stuart

Well look, I tried. I thought with a bit of humour we could get George and Ralph to be nice. But I suppose they just enjoy being nasty. So the peace talks have broken down and hostilities will now recommence. And I'll probably join in because I'm just incorrigible. Now, about that coleslaw...

Thu, 2003-10-02 17:28

#17

mississippi

You must have been told a million times already stufart but hell why not? You are the most cringe worthy stupid twat I ever came across. You want peace? Come to the next meeting and identify your wimpish self and I'll take great delight in imposing some peace on you.

Thu, 2003-10-02 17:29

#18

marchioness

sadism always comes first that's why?

Thu, 2003-10-02 17:48

#19

stuart

Can I just state for the record M'Lud, that George Van-Win has never come across me. Thank you.

Thu, 2003-10-02 17:59

#20

Flash

Stuart this is not a 'Carry on movie' so that joke is unforgivable.

Fri, 2003-10-03 00:08

#21

Captain Oates

Unfortunately, the space between Stormy's ears has long been occupied by a group of squatters known as We Are Not Knowingly Ever Rong, two nice families of four (one from Bridlington the other Slough), a Remington Ladyshave, a life size game of trivia involving 20 players (untipped), a vat of duty free wine and a Spanish biker called Hell Sid. The Arthur Hostile Evil Breakfast League may be able to negotiate with the ladyshave, trivia, wine and biker but the W.A.N.K.E.R squatters worry me. My money's on the Orks.

Fri, 2003-10-03 11:36

#22

Grec

Did Stormy say anything on this thread?

Fri, 2003-10-03 15:24

#23

mississippi

Oh look! Rentatwat has used his own name.

Fri, 2003-10-03 16:07

#24

mississippi

YES!!!! All three Why's men in the last 6 posts! I knew they could do it if they only concentrated.

Fri, 2003-10-03 17:27

#25

greco echo

Ralph You have the wit of a Labour government, possibly starring John Prescott. keep it up ge xxx

Fri, 2003-10-03 18:29

#26

Ralph

Paul You have the wit of a teacher wearing a knitted tie and a pair of jumbo elephant cords digging Radiohead whilst reading 'Memoirs of an Opium Eater'. Top bloke indeed. R x

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:00

#27

Liana

Lianarr's Baldness Denial Squad ???

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:08

#28

Flash

Lianarr's Baldness Denial Squad ???????????????????????????????????? I'm even more puzzled than you L.

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:15

#29

Liana

Well i shan't lose sleep over it i suspect... its my day off, the sun is shining, and im not about to sit here for the rest of it. Enjoy!!

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:20

#30

Rachel

Sun is shining? Hrmph! Day off? Double Hrmph! enjoy it!

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:23

#31

stuart

The sun is NOT shining. Liarnaar WILL sit here for the rest of it. Hence: Lianarr's Baldness Denial Squad. Ok? Now this is a serious attempt to stop all the nastiness. So let's. Stop it that is.

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:28

#32

Flash

No i still don't get it? Can you define the groups a bit more, i can't identify all of them.

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:47

#33

stuart

Later I'm going out for a cheesy barm. With coleslaw. I like coleslaw.

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:52

#34

Flash

Well i think you should go for Pickle myself.

Thu, 2003-10-02 12:54

#35

marchioness

how is Liana in denial of being bald? Liana will be glad to know it's pis.sing it down in London. we're a production number flashy what do you reckon to that?

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:00

#36

Flash

Obviously i'm intrigued, Stuart is obviously the Brixton bad boy panic attack. What does he mean by 'big production?' And do think he's right to go for coleslaw? Or do think pickle? Or maybe something else.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:04

#37

marchioness

hate coleslaw. unless it's home made with red cabbage. pickle is okay but seems a bit additive full. i'm having a jacket potato and ratatouille. noone can beat that for a lunch.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:05

#38

Sue E. Sidebohmma

These peace talks are a sham. There can never be peace while the Stuartists occupy our threads, the threads which our forefathers started, and passed down from generation to generation. Death to the infidel *explodes* [%sig%]

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:06

#39

Tony Cook

I'm not in denail or denial or deamazon come to that. Just so that you're aware.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:11

#40

Flash

That sounds licious Marchy, what's in the ratatouille?

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:14

#41

Stephen Gardiner

Sirs, I act for the Pip Pip Baldness Denial Squad and I have been asked to point out that blah blah blah.... Yours in court, Josiah Crint That'll be 50 quid thanks Mr Cook.

Thu, 2003-10-02 13:14

#42

Lou E. Sidebohmma

We will not stop until the threads are ours again. For every one that dies, there are ten more to take their place. Death to the infidel *explodes*

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