i would like someone

I think you should try and find help to deal with your substance misuse problem first; if you are having some problems with the chemical regulation in your body (and a lot of depression/self-harm urges are exacerbated by brain chemicals going wonky), then the last thing you need is to make it even worse by putting even more chemical in your body, whatever the chemical is. Drink a lot of water, flush those chemicals away, get clean, totally clean. Clean body, clean mind. Have you tried to find a good, neutral counsellor? All that rage/depression/self-harm/suicidal tendency stuff means that there is some insight or other 'stuck' inside you; your soul is struggling against your brain in some way. We are very bad in this society at listening to our inner selves; or we hear them but don't know what to do with the insights. I've been to the edge of the abyss myself; it's not pretty down there. We all lose the plot sometimes, man. If you are working toward finding it again then you are doing yourself a world of good. I wouldn't expect too much of any social or mental health services; they are overburdened by bureaucracy and understaffed in most places, even here in the relatively wealthy South. But you've got to stop feeling victimised by everyone, or that everyone is harassing you; even if DHSS totally fucks you over, pisses you off, and boards up your windows you've got to take charge of your own Being. That, perhaps, is the hardest thing of all to do, but you will feel a lot better. No one else can help you with that, though. You have to get to a point in yourself, by yourself.

There are so many out there like that...my brother-in-law is the same way. There's something to be said for remaining a victim one's entire life; that way, one never has to take responsibility for oneself, which requires some self-searching, self-awareness, and a lot of hard work. Much easier to have people feel sorry for you all the time...

I don't think that this conversation will help you in the slightest Stephen. What do you want? People to say that they're sorry you suffer from bouts of illness - we all are, and we've all said it. For people to say that they understand that your illness leads you to say things you later regret and that they'll be tolerant - we all do understand and we've all tried to be tolerant and we've all said it. For people to say that it is abc's fault that you behave like this and that it is our fault for treating you badly? Well, it isn't and you know it. This site can do many things, but it can't be a therapeutic relationship. Sorry mate. There have been plenty of people on abc who liked you and cared about you and wanted to help you, but you've lashed out at them so many times that it is difficult to feel the same way. The best thing you can do is leave the internet alone when you are not feeling well.

make an appointment with your doctor and ask for a referral to a local mental health unit. Get a psychological assessment carried out and then request some counselling. When you mentioned about being "left without any way forward," it suggested to me that you may believe someone is going to come and help. Aint the case. You need to go and find help!

I have a friend who should be getting help and support but he always loses it and ends up upsetting and annoying those who could help him. I've tried to explain to him that people will always go a lot futher for someone they like but he says "I can't help it, Mike." Now I know he can't help it and I wonder why 'they' don't - since I would have thought it was part of their job, but then he is quite aggressive and although I know he's fairly harmless 'they' do not. One day he lost it at the DHSS, I'm not sure exactly what happened but it must have been fairly drastic because the police came around a few days later and I heard them pounding on his door. He shouted through the letter box that he had a Remington shotgun and they would get both barrels if they tried to get in. The police looked worried but tried talking to him - it failed and they left... to return wearing bulletproff vests but looking even more worried. They kicked his door in and dragged him off screaming and shouting about police brutality... The police released him about 1AM the next morning and so, since he had to walk home, it was about 2AM when he threw a brick through his front window because the police had boarded up his door. Last I heard he was still getting no help: no benefits apart from basic dole and the council were trying to evict him for non payment of of the cost of repairing his window and door. What can you do?

I'm very sorry to have to say this but these people, including stephy, should be institutionalised. I don't mean banged up in a mental prison, I mean kept in a place where they can be genuinely helped back to health, before being helped to re-establish themselves in the community. That festering, evil sack of shite, Thatcher, did her best to destroy these people further with her disgraceful 'care in the community' program, and closure of homes and hospitals for the mentally ill. I hate her with a vengeance.

Stephen won't seek constructive help because, deep down, he doesn't want any. Any attention he gets comes from 'his' illness. The one he waves like a banner in everyone's face when he's off his. His addiction is to attention and nothing else, he wants to be seen as a writer of pain poems bourne of his suffering but it's all just an angle most of the time to get attention, maybe he wants someone t make a film about his plight and hopes all these rants will add to his cause, who knows? what I know is that if there were any truth in his average post then he'd have no time to enter forums, keep up websites, be directors of several charities, maintain a double life as a transgender-raped-into-being-gay homeless web crusader and part time terrorist with his finger on the pulse of glasgow's underworld and holder of the match that could ignite a civil war at his very word. He's a very unfortunate and lonely guy with a habit and a chip on his shoulder and NOTHING MORE.

I whole-heartedly agree with you on "Care in the car park", Geroge. All the sad people who should be looked after chucked out into the community to wander aimlessly and gather in the bus stations. Labour have made things even worse than the Conservatives and Psychiatric wards are still closing to throw more sad, lonely, confused people into hostels you wouldn't let your dog inhabit. Worse because of the scarcity of beds and staff people who desperately need help don't get it but then most of them don't vote! I'm not so sure about institutionalising people though as people like my friend are fine most of the time if people don't upset them. A bit more help and hope is what they need perhaps.

no the thing is i got better. Scotland as country was covered by 9 international newspapers this week as they covered some series things happening in scotland. Fortunetly i don't need the help of the scottish nhs. I've also takign the liberty of highlighting my own case of series human rights abuse to these newspapers concerning services in west Scotland. Its not about going to see the 'mental health trust'. These people and city councils in scotland are being investiagted by international orgs just now. they are also still harrasing me. Why did it take them 10 months to arrest me for these so called bombs when iwas living across the road from the bbc all that time. They are harrasing me and this site is involved. Stop telling me i should and get involved with uk mental health services. I'm also beign harrased just now by glasgow city services who are wathcing over my three years probation and community services for these trumped up charges which i was convicted and being threatened with various agendas including being put in to prison or hospitalised for talking about this. Young men in Glasgow dont need to be hospitalised to be belittled by ignorant service workers for speaking out about the human rights issues in Glasgow. Glasgow and Scotland is being covered by newspapers in China, USA, Africa, Europe and various other places just now. As a writer it would be good to get some intelligent feedback rather than the old 'lets hospitalise people routine. As for the people who are harrasing me. They have no right to do that. I have a slight drug addiction problem not a mental health problem. I dont want the Scottish nhs picking my mind and sending me to my death like they done with the other young scots. I want be getting institualised nether will your site be behind that. you ve yet to coem on and talk about the original question. Oh i finished the first chapter of my book...

the original question, soon...

'Institution' is a very emotive word, and should probably not be used in the context of the sick and old. Most established things in society are referred to as institutions but no one bats an eye-lid, in fact it's considered an accolade.

Why shoulD i be locked up 'mississippi' GO ON TELL ME and don't you think youve personally insulted me enough over the last 3 years. I doubt it your man enough to come on and answer the questions i ask but im sure you will come on and give another personell insult.

THEY BAT AN EYELID WHEN THERE PEOPLE ARE BEING ABUSED, HARRASSED, MANIPULATED IN TO HOSPITALS AND PRISONS WHEN THERE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ISSUES HAVE THEM BELITTLED MOCKED. WHEN THESE PEOPLE START USING THEM AS TOYS TURNING THERE MINDS SO THEY CAN HAVE SOMEONE TO RAPE AND PLAY OR TO TRY OUT THE LATEST MEDICINCE BECASUE THYRE GETTING BIG BACK HANDERS OF PHARMACUTICAL COMPANYS. THIS WAS ALL BEING PROVED TO BE HAPPENING JUST NOW SO THE INSTITUTION HAS BECOME UNSAFE. i THINK A BETTER IDEA TO SOLVE THESE PEOPLES PROBLEMS WOULD BE TO GIVE THEM RESPECT AND LISTEN TO THEM THE ORIGINAL QUESTION AS IVE SAID BEFORE RECOGNITION OF THIS WILL HELP ME A LOT

I neither said, nor inferred, nor meant, that you should be 'LOCKED UP' you silly man. What I said, and meant, was that peoplelike you should be given PROPER help in special units designed to help you back to full health and integration back into the community. Now I thought I made that plain enough, but as usual you've lost the plot. There was NO insult, either delivered or suggested, other than in your own mind. No doubt your usual apology will follow along with further demands to be helped by those YOU abuse and insult.

thats what they like in glasgae, get people intae hospital and get them all nice and medicated and a wee rape, nae one will beleive them, theyre mad efter aw nae wan will listen tae them wink wink its not like that anymore

And it would help if you stopped using that stupid, childish 'glasga' dialect, you can speak English the same as the rest of us.

I don't speak like that anyway ive chaffed down a bit. It can be frustrating just now. Ive got these people all checking up on me because of this probation and community service i dont want then near me nor in my life. Thinking they know me, never. No i dont speak like that mississippi. And i have got a series point. Come on lets face it all this is knew all of it. My point is simply that i did lose the plot at one point but managed to get better but some people who where lookign at my posts could construe it differently out of whatever. My name and comments are coming up through searches linked to these things. That wasn't quite explained to me that it would happen. In fact i only found out about that a few months back. its not anyones fault But im the one who is being harrassed. You can imagine 'the best wee country in the worlds' view on all this you know the country who booed the pope on an open stage. The only country in the World. what i am trying to say i was ill but am manging to get better. But my life being surrounded by Glasgow ctiy council workers and there harrasment team has to stop. Anyway in GOD i trust because would you trust them ?? or maybe i should be locked up becasue i believe having faith in god is helping me get better.

Who is harassing you, Stephen? Nobody talks about you here until you start crying for attention. What precisely is it that you want, and then we might be able to point you towards where you can get it. It isn't here, mate.

This ugly creep who is overseeing my cso touched me today. I can't stand men who touch me as c division police officers in Glasgow will tell you. It's well known i am transgender trying to deal with it. I dont want any creep touching me any more. To many scottish creeps have been there which caused me to turn knifes on my own body. This in turn caused me to walk out of my cso today and get nasty on the site. whys he touching me maybe what he thinks is friendly, i find it threatening and it upset me. They don't touch they dont give chances they don't manipulate they understand, thats what they do. To long these people have had there say. To many have died for it to go unoticed. Take the politics out of it. You dont put transgenders in male prisons with razor blades in the cell who have had history of self harm. You don't do it. Transgenderism is not about sex. I can think of no other worse thing than being emotionally near a man. People should be respected for what they are and listened to especially in mental health and these sensitive issues in the UK. It's all funny to the big bad brave men and women who make decisions that affect other peoples lifes. They will not test drugs on transgenders and others like nor seek for them to be raped or harrassed in city services in the Uk because they fail to grasp mental health issues. I am no threat to no one. I try and deal with the issues unfortunetly being chased and hit with eggs and stuff like that can be quite daunting and head fucking, especially when you take account in to everything else. Understand please and soon