ABC Holiday Home Swap

how about a flat within hackney's beautiful murder mile, close to the sites of many a violent incident....

that sounds nice ... does it have a bidet?

Mine's great if you fancy a curry in a doggy bag from next-door's party, and transport's no problem - I live in curry and Black Cab land.

we like curry ... other half is a bit foreign you see ...

Or a weekend in the tweely sought after "Betwixt the commons" area of battersea, also known as nappy valley, where the water contains IVF treatment (judging by the numbers of multiple births and pushchairs the size of grand pianos and where a trip to the post box really is a trip, over numerous designer robed munchkins - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

The upper slopes of Buckhurst Hill are delightful at this time of year,though you will need sunglasses to avoid being blinded by the blingbling of some local residents. Also earmuffs to deaden the sound of essexboy racers in their tuned up Escort Ghias, and a facemask to filter out fumes from the same source. Slippers are, of course, mandatory within the parish boundaries. [%sig%]

Erm...........nah no point really.

I'm not tempted by a home swap, a family trade is a little more up my street, please note... A tent will be sufficient, preferable on a small hillside with bad, in fact dire, mobile reception, no viable access and NO TEENAGERS! Wolves, two-year-olds, the wrath of God, plague, pestilence and amateur dramatics are all negotiable. A small advert follows... No matter what your specialist subject a short break in this home from home is sure to enthuse. For the kleptomaniacs among you we have a shopping buddy just waiting to show you the sights and sounds of small town living. On the other hand if you're a blossoming criminal- psychologist you may like to try your hand at swatting our relative teenage crime wave. For the thrills and spills of 'usually' off road driving we have yet another salivating adolescent to take you on a crotch-wetting tour of our verdant country ways, the inexorable pursuit of the local constabulary makes all this a ride to remember. If however adrenalin or stress decay is not your bag, you can join the distanced buzz of group lecturing or take in the architecture of our town under the swathe of soft blanket during our frequent trips to court. A love of animals is a must we share our abode with two knee etching felines, habitually on heat and if you're a doggy person, no worries you'll love entering and leaving our picturesque property as (Ripper) our hormonally imbalanced pit loves to play. Please note, teenage proof email only. science&genetics @.com [%sig%]

when can we swap lexy????

Anyone interested in a tiny box room set in the complex of 850 students? All night parties and smokathons reglarly entertained - no phone or bath (ensuite toilet - though a bit smelly) Location (dodgy part of) London

Lol... you have a hillside? Give me an hour to change my name, leave a plausible forwarding address, and hot wire the chip pan [%sig%]

*swapsies* please pretty please.......