sorry

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Tue, 2005-02-01 09:52

sorry

You need to know this. Ive already went the full hog, you all really need to know this. It will help save my life, if that is worth keeping. I have been ill and that has been quite clear to see. What is happening on the forums just now under my name isn't some sort of joke. I am speaking my mind at the time although my mind is ill at the times the absue and fake threats are happening. In these moments i am under sevser pressure through whta is happening in and around my life. All that sectarian crap i have came out wiht over the last week is so unture and not me as anyone who has even konwn me willl vouch. My illness started five years ago when i broke up with someone but something happened to me the night we kind of lost a baby and it was that night i started to cut and burn myself. Over the last five years it really has been hell as i have moved all around the place running away from this. That beahviour did stop recently, about 1 year ago now but i feel the after effects of everything i went through around this period are really still affecting me. The feelings of everything around what was happening, the dejection, the pain, everything, losing my life. In this city they are so masked in this football religion and cruelty thing even sick men dont get the time of the day. They even shut there sick familys out leaving them to die. I left this city at 16 because of what they done to me as a child 'STEPHENS SCREAMS' tacticians in human rights abuse cruelty child abuse and professional sectarian genocide *both sides* although i don't sink to there levels and join terrorist groups and support terrorist murderers from any side. They filled my head with that as a child and i left somewhere in the past nand through the pain of all this it surrfaced again making me look like a right bad man. Im sorry for the abuse again this week. You need to know it all so untrue. Im leaving here this week. I dont know what else to do. Everything i worked towards up here as being swept away under a cloud of illness . Oh god i hate them both sides, i hate them so much, there ignorance to sick people. satying up a close dressed a s a women. They would leave there children like that, people fighting for peace, poets of peace, sick people. they all laugh at me now in ther big city. I became thta ill ia started to dress as a women and they follwoed me up the road hitting me with eggs and laughing. This is what they do to sick men in Glasgow. Im getting better i wont let them murder me. Now thyell wnat to sya im in the ira or bnp or something like that in my moments of pain and anger. Over that four yera period i covered my body and part of my face in scars when i asked them for help they laughed and said ' STEPHEN WANTS TAE BE A WUMIN' AN DTHEY LAUGHED WITH THER WEE DAFT FACES

im sorry guys one of the defining moments last year was realsing i wa sbeing abusive on this site, you need to know that, i did cry because of that.

Tue, 2005-02-01 09:54

stephen-d

i dont wnat a reply either really i just want people to know im not like that and my life is really fucking hard sorry

Tue, 2005-02-01 09:57

mississippi

So why don't you answer those that offer help here? Are you scared to speak to real people?

Tue, 2005-02-01 18:13

stephen_d

I dont know what you mean by that but i need break. Its difficult listenign to words of advice on here when what i am going to go through up here during the day will knock all the positive out the way. Ive became something of a i dont know how to describe it 'witch-hunt' might be a good word and thats dangerous as we know 63% of people who initailly selfharmed wher found dead ina five year period and this was proved to eb through negative experience through approaching services for help. 'THAT IS SAYING THAT SERVICE WORKERS MIGHT BE 'INTENTIALLY OR UNINTENTIALLY PUSHING THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE TO THER DEATHS, THAT REMAINS TO BE DISCUSSED BUT EVERYTHING POINTS TOWARDS THAT EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT THIS AGENDA WITHIN ALL SERVCIES IN GREATER GLASGOW AND HAVE BEEN GIVEN CRITERIA TO WORK TOWARDS BY THE SCOTTISH EXECUTIVE AND WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION WHEN DEALING WITH THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE..THIS HAS BEEN OUTLINES IN WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION REPORTS SINCE 1998 YET IT IS CLEARLY NOT BEING FOLLOWED HELPING TO PUSH SCOTLANDS SUICIDE AND SELF HARM FIGURES THROUGH THE ROOF THER IS NO CLEAR CUT INFORMATION AVAILABLE IN SERVICES NOR DO SERVICE WORKERS SEEM TO HAVE ANY CLUE ON THE APPROPRIATE INFORMATION TO GIVE sorry this is what they dont understand, it is an illness up here they decide to call these people names instead of ofering positive advice information ect, they are viewed through otu the services as troublemakers when in fact thye are people desperately hanging on to there lifes and doing the last conceivable act to help keep them alive but no. To do that to people who are clearly not well could only but make them unweller and possibly drive them to losing there lifes. consideirng its and everyone know sit has been an illness from the beginign and that 63% of people who suffer my illness lose ther lifes in a five year from the intiail mainfestation of the disease. iT IS IGNORANCE AND IT HA SBEEN PROVEN TO BE IGNORANCE RIGHT ACROSS THE BOARD THAT PUSHES THESE POEPLE TO TAKE TEHRE WON LIFES OR TO LOSE THER LIFE THROUGH WHAT WAS INIATIALLY AN ACT OF SELF HARM 'AS I FOUND OUT LAST YEAR WHEN I ACTUALLY DIED AND MANAGED TO WAKE MYSELF UP WHILE BLEEDING TO DEATH' these are all series incidents theres been a lot of them really really series stuff to me and its like just get on with it hes just awomen nah hes a terrorist this week nah hes hard man nah hes an attention seeker nah hes sick nah hes a pervert nah hes a terrorist nah hes murderer mayb ehes paidophile maybe hes hitler, thats what theyre sayign now uim hitler when they walk by me magine doing that to people who are homeless and sick that its disgusting and then all pleading ignorance when they all had the facts. That community knows the way people with menatl health issues taken through them police stations and i dont blame them *theyre actually the poeple i blame the least becasue they obviousley cant understand mental health and im not saying theyre all the same* but, considering your not well and your being manhandled like that and all the rest all the special cells, the ignornace ot the disease. In prison he must be a wumin wan ae them attention seekers and then they all laugh, things like that its just total stripped me of everything left me bare. I dont want to be talking like whats been said by me i mean what kind of fool must i be if i did, im not that stupid. Theyre also sharing information about people who are behaving like this, all thes services up here and sigling them out and for rough treatment and misinformation on evreything and in doing so this breaks them down in to worse health and can drive them to take there own lifes they know this but it seems to be viable for them to treat people this way better another death than a voice that complains eh One month in my life please believe me just one month would be enough never mind five years. So im at a defining moment in what is suffer, the five year period just ending. Maybe i should celebrate but the thing is 'i dont think ive won just yet as it goes crucially the five year period is setting in and i can understand this in a way now that maybe not many people alive could explain going in to either remission or death in which is now being shown as very much real disease.Most will just look at the abusiveness and see it as an idiot others will see at as the disease which whn at a breaking point cause sthe sufferer to take ther own lifes. When i am beign absuive like that i might as well be like a screaming child over a pc screen yet i am 33 year old man going on 34. a poem written five minutes after i woke up last year ona dirty flat in maryhill bleeding to death in my sleep. Imanaged to wake up out of it after becoming suffocatetd by death, it remined me of a drowning sensation as my little tight masked faced struggled to wake from the grips of death which unfortunetly my little baby five years earlier never had the chance to do. Before i walked to the hospital i sat down and composd myself, i felt really unreal considering what had happened, but it will forever be part of me and with me on every road i walk in your darkest moment look over,there, deep within body armour from the gates of heaven to protect and shelter from the invisbleness of life to rid you of all the conflict breath light hope air shine onandonadnonadnon and then i walked to hospital and on the way lost over two pints of blood thatw as one of twenty of such incidents much the same in the now just ending five year period, But anyway thanks ive been given a chance to talk which doesn't happen much so it has also given me chance to get a bit of this shit of my head as it has been just sitting on me today. Its not about sympathy oranything like that, its just i need to say it, i mean who wants sympathy dyou know what i mean its about more than that anyway i try not disrupt things a smuch as possible and try to keep it at a bare minimum, mind changes predicting, who knows ? do i know ? obviousley not ! thanks

Tue, 2005-02-01 18:32

mississippi

>>... dont know what you mean by that... << Oh yes you do stephy. In the past Andrew has offered you help, and to my knowledge you never answered him in any way at all. I have recently offered to help you and you have never answered me either. I repeat my offer on your 'war' thread, mail me a phone number and I will call you.

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