I havent really shared any of my stuff, ever, and would just like a few pointers as to how i could better my poetry as i am new to the whole writing thang. Any comments welcomed.
The first stanza is the 'weakest' one, as leftboy points out, and the last stanza the strongest. I'd try reworking it a little, keeping the central theme (and the last stanza...)
Hope this helps!
Is the "throbbing organ" the music, or his penis? I couldn't quite pull together an ambience in this. It's very quiet for a primal lust thang! Asif it's all taking place underwater.
There's nothing more mind-teasing than the incomprehensible eagerly avowed -
Dennett
There's nothing more mind-teasing than the incomprehensible eagerly avowed -
Dennett