Wild about your rhubard - BBF

Seconded. Great title. You want an apostrophe in the first line. Throat-cutting stanza is neatly grotesque and inventive. The subject is something I don't currently sympathise with, having enjoyed most of the houses I've lived in and not had much hassle with getting into them, but I suspect that were this not the case the vengeful fantasy element would be even more satisfying. Great title. 'Thud' seems the wrong word when describing 'first floor drum and bass'. Where's the annoying, incessant rhythm in a simple 'thud'? 'I keep her grass short' is pleasingly ambiguous. 'Victorian shadows', 'potted myself in', 'long rhubarb' - all strong, simple images. Think you want a hyphen between 'neck' and 'fountain', so it's 'claret neck-fountain' - avoids the reader taking it as 'the fountain of his claret neck'. Great title too.