The Exonerating Sky by njw
Tue, 2007-03-13 21:36
#1
The Exonerating Sky by njw
This is a bit long perhaps, but it made me laugh out loud in several places and is just generally lovely. It's gentle charming character driven comedy too, which is the best sort, and the ending is delightful.
rek02
I like this. The matter-of-fact style and the use of simplistic language is appealing and refreshing, as if you are not bothered about impressing everyone with "ten dollar" words, like a lot of people are. Good work.
maddan
Ah yes, kind of regretted writing that after I'd posted the comment. It isn't any longer than it needs to be but it is a bit long to comfortably read on a computer screen (don't know why that makes a difference but it does). Not much you can do about that of course.
For the sake of saying something critical, the POV wanders about a bit, I could have stood to know more about what the etchings were, and Rachel just seems to sort of disappear at the end. In fact, re-reading, the whole ending could be a bit clearer (and perhaps the bit about the burn marks doesn't really add anything). But don't touch the last paragraph, it's perfect.
Oh, and is he called Burton or Marsh?