Just Gave Y'all A Big Piece o' My Heart

Just to say I read Waiting for Jackie and thought it much stronger - lean, taut prose, an interesting situation, plenty of humour, and a twist at the end.

Thanks, Pro - glad you liked it.

Carly does not disappoint readers in "Home is Where the Heart Sings." This story is heart wretching, and is a joy to read. The opening grabbed my attention: http://www.abctales.com//abcplex/viewStory.cgi?s=4136 Barry Wood

Sorry, cannot agree with Barry about the story. Found the opening irritating and irrelevant, and always have a problem with stories written in the present tense. Much prefer some interaction between characters and witty, engaging dialogue. Will look out for other contributions Carly and hope they will prove to be more my style. Mayonaise

Perhaps we should comply with ABCtales' suggestion: Discussion of stories and poems from ABCtales.com. This is where you can pass on your comments on anything on the site. Please remember these are people's dreams upon which you tread and go softly. I agree with you, Andrea. :-]

Thanks for reading folks! :-)

Re: 'Home is Where the Heart Sings': I've just read this story and thought much the same as mayo did, I'm afraid. Because it's written in the present tense and is very much concerned with description, I felt as if I was reading a synopsis for a short film. I too would be interested to see this character interact. As a reader I was clearly meant to sympathise with the bag lady and her plight. To achieve this I think the author needs to place her in a more active, rather than passive, situation.

Well, the piece is meant to be 'narrative' - no dialogue. Thanks for your input though - it's appreciated - I don't expect everybody to like the same thing.

If anybody's got anything on board here that you'd like me to read, please say so - I'll be more than pleased to do so.

I enjoyed it a lot, Carly, but would take out a few adjectives and adverbs to avoid cliches. For example: "...TENSE string of a bow. That bird doesn't usually fly that fast, thinks the old woman on shore, then sees the SLEEK red fox racing along the edge. Panting, the animal HOTLY pursues..." These words do not add any significant information. Regarding the last one, a general rule (recommended by the likes of Stephen King in his excellent book, On Writing) is to avoid adverbs entirely, although I do use a few myself. I hope the above is helpful. I genuinely like the piece and congratulate Carly on it. On another subject... Mark, you still haven't learned how to use apostrophes! ;-) "it's ability" should be "its ability" Warm regards to all of you. I do appreciate the site and the opportunity to discuss writing. Eric

I've finished Stephen King's On Writing; See ABCtales Forum list title: Discuss writing from elsewhere

Thanks, Mark, Eric and all .... I've read about a quarter of Steve's book - was due back at the library - when I start making some money, I can buy my own books - lol! I was really surprised to get these recent contributions cherry picked - I kind of feel like the 'spoiled-brat' of the board today .. oh hell, I worked at it, I guess. Special thanks to those of you who write to me personally - 'tis encouraging Carly