Let's Write A Panto
Wed, 2003-12-10 18:58
#1
Let's Write A Panto
So we've already chosen the ABC tales cast but it's lost in the mists of time and probably isn't relevant.
It's high time we had one of those communal writing things. It's one speech OR stage direction each and off we go.
I start:
WE ARE IN A WOODLAND SCENE.
TWO SMALL CHILDREN ENTER STAGE LEFT.
THEY ARE HANSEL (Missi) AND GRETEL (Ralph).
THEY SCATTER CRUMBS AND SING: (to the tune of It's Only Rock and Roll)....
Rachel
Enter Auntie Fishbone, the childrens buxom aunt (stage left, adjusting bosom)
Shrills: You can't scatter those crumbs there children, the new hoover won't be delivered for days. Away with you and find more constructive ways to map your passage.
Vicky
Gretel : But Aunty the wood cutter, who's a personal friend of mine, told us to do it so we wouldn't get lost
Anuty Fishbone: And cut your hair Hansel... you look like a scarecrow
Vicky
oops...
Exit Aunty Fishbone adjusing boosom not paying attention to Gretel
mississippi
Now look here baldy, if you wanna stupid panto, fine. But leave me out of it. In any case, I thought Hansel and Gretel were mates.
Vicky
er siblings actually... hansel's a boy...and gretel's a girl if that helps missus?
mississippi
OK Vic, I accept that I'm a 'boy' and Larph is a tart, but I still don't wanna spend a single second of my life with 'her'.
[%sig%]
Director
CUT - CUE THE PIPPINS
Missi - stop being a diva. The price of slebrity is compromise.... We moved you out of Ralph's dressing room, now play nicely or you'll be sent to play Cinders at the Bloomsbury.
ACTION!
mississippi
Um..how much are the Bumsbury paying?
slebrity?
Director
Not as much as the ABCbury - now get those pants ironed, wig on and get curtain left. MOVE!
mississippi
You obviously don't know much about me, do you Rachel? I don't respond to orders, in fact there's no quicker way to get my non-cooperation than to tell me I have to do something. Now if you REALLy want me to do your bidding you'll have to resort to gentle manipulation.
Rachelomatrix
You don't know much about me either, Miss Pi Pissi, or you'd know that the only kind of manipulation I do is the over the knee type.
mississippi
Would that be me over your knee or you over mine?
Flashinboots
*Slaps thigh*
Rachelomatrix
*slaps flashy's thigh and the back of missis legs*
Sweet dreams
Rachelomatrix
Oh, and I'll invoice in the morning...
Ralph
"I'm behind you"
Missus Pissy
TO AUDIENCE "oh no he isn't"
ASIDE "you can f*ck off back to the bumsbury, Larph"
Larphicus Sparticus
*wields magic cardigan*
"your insults are meaningless, cinderella, by midnight, you will be mine my little pumpkiny poppit (sic)"
Missying Buttons
"you make me sic with your tunnel vision Larphicus. I press all your dirty linen and you still want me for my behind payments"
Frank Bruno
anyone fancy a slap? heh heh heh
flash
*bares ar.se for sabelle*
tollam
but is it art?
*hoiks gold bikini around testes*
mud wrestle anyone?
philip
"tollam! it's me waldemar! how is your naval progressing? Is it full of bumfluff like mine?
greco
"I'll have something F*ckinly exceedingly wittty to say about this c**tish thread soon.
It's a bit like going to your tailor and not knowing which side your browser hangs ... aol or cache. paul"
ricky gervais
Oi! You! Tuf Boots, you leave my arty pal Ralphius Bumicus out of your nast bits.
Tuffty the squirrel
*Shows everybody his nuts*
Liana
(interrupts with christmassy old thread)
Tony Cook
Another fine mess for a panto to get itself into...
ENTER STAGE RIGHT, BARON HARD-UP (played by the corporate entitiy of ABCtales.com):
'Oh woe is me! My code is trashed, my system's fail, my users are revolting and my staff are on holiday. Who will help me in this time of need?'
Rachel
Hahahaha - Liana, that is one of the funniest things I've read on the forums.
Andrea
Ah yes, the good ol' days, eh?
*sighs nostalgically*
Paul Greco
Tony: "Where are abc's best days?"
Older abc membership: "There beh..."
You get the idea.
Liana
just donating a christmassy thread is all... sheesh, as faithless would say.