funniest comment on a thread awards 2003

Author: Ralph (---.lond-a-1.access.uk.tiscali.com) Date: 08-10-03 22:37 I use to be a bit chubby to tell you the truth. Not these days though. Started going to the gym and sparring again. i used to box a lot when I was a lad(repped my county at schoolboy level). Women were the ruin of me of course. R x Hilarious

Count me in for the 'actual fanny' post. That's Missi ahead by two votes.

Paul Greco: 'Can you confirm this is not some arty-farty affair, and we do get to see actual fanny, and everything?' Missi: 'Save your fiver dicko. If you want to see some 'actual fanny' try looking in a mirror.' I'm sorry. I know it's Chrimbo and I should be promoting peace and goodwill, but calling someone an 'actual fanny' will never not be funny to me. A mellowing of the forums would be a grievous crime against comedy - long may the sniping continue. It almost makes me wish I were unpopular. ;)

Missi to me on my planned trip to Goa: 'I hope your plane crashes you twat.' What a nice balanced man he is. Ralph

You obviously didn't goa!

My Lizzie is a right one though.

I thought she'd come to her senses and dumped on you Larph.

She hangs around. It was a joint decision to split but we just cannot get used to the idea.

Been thinking about what Sneak said.... just in case, I think we should club together and get Ralph a hamster this christmas...

Ralph - I 'hang around', do I? That IS the funniest thing I've heard recently - and you know why!

Larph with a hamster? Is he a Pet Shop Boy then?

This from Tony Cook should be in the short list. Makes me laugh every time I think about it. TONY>> I offered my seat to an old woman on the train last week - all the way back to Brighton. I was knackered but the train was hot and packed and the woman looked in distress. Can't have that. She sat down, looked up at me, I smiled at her and she said: "What do you want, a f****n medal?"

Don't leave us hanging like that; what was the context? Agree about the bread comment. That sounds like the beginning of a Monty Python skit. I can just see John Cleese returning to the shop with the remaining half demanding a refund.

'If saddams parents had bought him a hamster when he was a child things may have turned out differently. It was the same with hitler. Check your history books and you will find that neither had an hamster in their lives.' wise sneak wrote this today...

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! stop with the hamster stuff please! that thing gets dragged back up more often than Ralph's undies on 'Back Alley Tuesdays'" Ely

"Here, have a hood." Ange Eloo on the solomon thread ... reading this made me guffaw out loud ... that is the most recent ... i am going to trawl back and find some others ...

And the winner of the funniest thread awards is this one [%sig%]

'Hi Flash. I've had a couple of looks there, but it appears to be a 'messy' and complicated format. Thanks for your comment - I will have another look.' Shack said this about UKAuthors.com and not about ABC, i suggested posting some of poetry there, i thought it was rather amusing because at the moment Uka is paradise compared to this site with regard posting work.

"I don't think Ozzy & his embryonic clan constitutes any kind of art and if he does then I'll do a steaming **** beside Anish Kapoor's giant trumpet!" Tollam on the Ozzy and Kelly thread...

Dotty Bes: > 8. Whether it was a Band or a Pop Idol that you followed did > they influence you in any way? > Yes > 9. If yes, how? > Other (Please state) My cat is called "Cable" after the band Cable.

Lexy's advice on getting rid of a teenager ... i loved this "Know your enemy- if he's running from parental overkill, try parental simulation BIG TIME! Establish ground rules in there thousands, smother him with reason, explain everything in graphic detail, peppered with emotional manipulation. Maintain his submission with fines restrict his freedom, cashflow, and status. Serve vegatables and salad with every meal and hourly lectures on the ramifacations of unhealthy eating. Manoeuvre sermons on safe sex at every opportunity. Ferry him everywhere borrow a Skoda, a Wartburg or two up on the nearest tandem you can find. Wear slippers, never swear, always ask, 'insist' on a translation of buzzwords and then teenage speak to his acquaintances with lipstick on your teeth and the insinuation you're one of the crowd. Haunt his place of work, search his bedroom, borrow his cd's, wear his T -shirts, empathise with his girlfriend. Gone!"

Ely's "The Spanish Bananaramarda " in the silly friday game of combining historical events and song titles/band names ... and Stuart's on the same thread: "The Signing of the Magna Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine." (and dave dee dozy beaky mick and titch and adolf)

marchioness: can i ask what kind of qualifications/experience you need to be an editor?

Stormy : how to prevent kids dropping out of school He was taking the mick out of Karl earlier thread on how to deal with bullies. Whatever you do, you must not show fear. Weak one: Take them to your local pool and splash them in the face. "Drop out will you?" you ask. Keep splashing. Do not show aggression. Splash nicely. Weak two: Take them for a cycle ride in the woods after a period of heavy rain. Pause by a puddle ... use something like 'oh! look at that silly spider' to grab their attention. When they least suspect an attack, throw them off their bikes into the mud and call them stupid. Lots of times. (stupid that is. throwing them into the mud lots of times requires great stamina.) Weak free: Punch them in the gob or break der dozes like clara net. Weak phorum: Give up. Just sit back and larph.

Wiggins: "What's an Ation country?"

bananaramarda is a good one...and on the same thread who was it that said Clare Short The Sheriff? also liked beswerthwick's "hairgument: when your girlfriend wants you to get a haircut and you don't" oh and stuart's resignation speech, and sneak's eulogy to nancy, and the mastermind thread...i think i must have read more than i thought i had this year [justyn, hovis's comment was on the banana/owl thing]

Another stormy one Salaryman in court shirt expose (a cute accent?) shock! Blankets supplied by the Group of Four failed to protect anti-TallGitilisation protesters from the horror of the Salaryman's summer catalogue (worn in all seasons.) "We apologise for not providing a blanket long enough" said a spokesperson from his/her bike. We will be conducting a full enquiry led by a totally independant Hawaiian. Meanwhile, photographers from the Daily Scrum are taking their employers to the cleaners for loss of foresight. Apparently, they had not been warned that flash photography of TC (the head of ABC) could result in total political blindness. A statement from the defence counsel for TG and TC said "Our clients had no idea that an innocent red pepper would show up in a random political test. They have been eating humble pie during the build up to ABC2003 and deny any connection to confidence tricksters." The jury, unable to login and read anything rated over PG by Spike, has retarded. A verdict is expected by Thursday. Some time in 2004.

fish: i would like a list called how to tidy up is there one? Rachel: Here you go: Take large bin sack Put half of stuff in binsack Find bed with much underneath space Hide rest of stuff under bed. Repeat as ness or until moving house essential

Author: little ian gland (---.proxy.aol.com) Date: 12-16-03 21:46 but its a shame that the 99% of americans give the rest a bad name that had me rolling (it wasn't me george) Have to agree with rokkit's nomination. Mrs. Stormy pisssed herself laughing at that one at the time too.

Erm - think that was on another forum elf.

i kno, i kno... but this is "funniest comment on /a thread/ awards", though...

Tony Cook:- Date: 11-11-03 11:55 At least you'll be able to upload from now on.

Ralph:- Date: 12-17-03 13:47 Bitter anyone? *oooooooh the irony*