white roses

I agree roger, I liked that story. I think the author is a young man just starting out. He has a very good sense and use of emotion in his writing.

i am the only one who notices what's going on here...?

This story has already been discussed a little, you'll find, under 'iamawookie' , as the writer asked for some feedback. It's atmospheric isn't it and it wraps around well ( i can't think of a better way to put that at the moment). I think I mean I like the way the time flows and the end relates to the beginning. I would agree with Radiodenver on the other thread about this piece. There were too many similar sounding words at the start. This could be a tool if used purposefully of course, but I don't think you were aiming for that here, it's not poetry, but very visual. I do think you need to clarify the style and sharpen it up a bit, and be clearer in some parts, and it could cope with being a bit longer too. I liked the intensity and claustophobia, but there is room for more, depending on what your real idea for the story is. Keep it up, I'd like to see some more stuff like this.

that was meant to be *am i* .. in my haste to be smug i made a mistake.. but obviously so far i am the only one whose noticed a certain similarity between the two threads involving this particular story..

Hey, looks like we were all thinking about this at once! Hi everyone!

No Nancy, you aren't :o)

Liana.. i wasnt sure if i was being observant or anal... either way nice to know i'm not alone :) [%sig%]

Hey, what difference does it make if it's been discussed before? Good stories are worth talkinig about.

the point is Denver that 'Roger' is also iamawookie. Instead of taking the excellent advice from yourself and Andrew on the last thread he thinks his story will improve if it gets flagged once more.

Well now, if that is the case, a raised eyebrow is worthwhile. Thank you for the enlightenment. I haven't been around long enough to know the little scoops... Shame shame...we know your name.... nanny nanny boo boo...

well observed nancy though i have to defend myself, to be honest i just wanted a little more feedback about my story and everyone seems to respond more to newer topics and so i decided to post a message about my own story willing others to read it come on give me a little credit i thought it was ingenious. Thanks for all the comments and keep em coming

Truthfully wookie-man, it was a deceptive to do something like that. One's reputation in life is ultimately all they can rely on, don't ruin it on a silly thing such as that. You received some excellent feedback before. Did you consider revising your story and then requesting additional feedback? There are some very good people here and you would probably find many that are willing to reevalute your work after some editing. Be honest with us my man, we've been honest with you. Radiodenver

There was a time, wookie, that asking for feedback on this forum, before having commented on someone else's work first, would have drawn bitter critisism and ensured you got no feedback whatsoever. These days there seem to be a few around that respond positively to such requests and you should be happy with the feedback you got. Don't milk it. If I were you, I'd look through the last 100, choose a piece that you like and tell the author and the rest of us why. [%sig%]

That is naughty. You are lucky that Mr Petrel is mellowing in his pipe-smoking dotage, or you'd be getting a good telling off. As you are young, you are forgiven, but don't do it again... Agree with Choose, go and read something on the site written by someone else and tell us why you like it.