Beaudalley

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Author: beaudalley
Age Rating: U
From the ABC Set: Grace For The Good
Tale type: Poetry
Genres: Love
Last modified 2005-01-25 05:24

Sonnet 1
By Paul Dalley

Those cruel-cold wind-swept days are back again.
Light rain, pitter-patters relentlessly
Before a deluge of heart felt pain,
Washing away life's time senselessly

The branches of our love sway snap and groan,
Shedding our-leaves before this winters ease,
A chorus of whistling cries and moan,
Never easy to cope, or to appease

But with more power than the wind and rain,
Light bleaches the land, browns the sullen skin
As the summers warmth and gold fixes pain,
Repairing the cold-core deep down within

A love that strong will out last a season,
A love this strong is there for a reason.

I like this version much better, Paul. Very well done!

"Washing away life's time senselessly": I think you can safely drop 'time' from this line, as it is already well fortified within the poem.
or Maybe even: "Washing life with time so incessantly"...nature personified!

"A love this strong is there for a reason"
Maybe: "A love this strong will bear for a reason"

Be sparing with co-joiners and pronouns in sonnets....they simply waste space more times than not (3rd verse, torture it more as the 2nd verse outshines it IMO )