Pissing on the Floor

52 posts / 0 new

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Tue, 2002-01-01 22:40

My wife tells me that I have very clean bathroom habits. Something that I take as a bit of a compliment. However, when certain people visit our house, the blokes always seem to piss all over the floor. My mate, Doug, is the worst, and Sue's dad follows a close second.

Not everyone pisses on the floor, you understand, but some men seem unable to aim. I mean, fuckin hell, it's surely not that hard, is it? You simply whop it out, aim and fire! After all, a toilet's a big enough target. And let's supposing you did miss, surely most people would wipe it up. Wouldn't they?

So blokes, do you piss on the floor?

And ladies, does your man piss on the floor? Or have you noticed this trait in any other male visitors?

Tue, 2002-01-08 21:07

aridayle

his actual words were 'hey, look at me!' But probably that's male lingo for 'get outta my carpark,' right?

Tue, 2002-01-01 22:42

fish

pass the smelling salts someone ...

Tue, 2002-01-01 22:42

Liana

Whop it out? *eyes Karl in entirely new light*

Tue, 2002-01-08 23:36

Linsi

Car parks and bushes are a perfectly natural place to wee after a night on the lash...Obviously this is frowned upon in broad daylight, but the early hours are quite acceptable.

Tue, 2002-01-01 23:02

Karl Wiggins

Poetic license, Liana, that's all.

Tue, 2002-01-01 23:27

dogstar

whop it out is better than slop it out i'll get my coat

Tue, 2002-01-01 23:27

dogstar

whop it out is better than slop it out i'll get my coat

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:09

fish

you have TWO coats?

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:11

#10

dogstar

ruff!

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:12

#11

fish

of course ... the summer coat and the winter coat ...

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:25

#12

dogstar

we used to have a 'chum' at school who must have been equipped with a fire hose for tackle and a bladder that would hold a small ocean... or at least several gallons of fizzy pop... not to be confused with several gallons of iggy pop... he used to turn the place into a veritable (nice word) swimming pool. he IS one person i would whose home i would like to see in adult life, to see if he ever did master the art of aiming. if in doubt, just sit down. but even that can go wrong i guess...

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:27

#13

fish

i can't understand why men just don't sit down ... surely it would be much easier?

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:31

#14

dogstar

but then we wouldn't get to hold it and...

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:36

#15

fish

... wave it around like a fire hose???

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:38

#16

Tom Saunders

In your dreams!

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:40

#17

Tom Saunders

. . . and what fire are we talking about?

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:47

#18

fish

i am sorry ms. fish is unable to take part any further in this discussion yours sincerely Chief Inspector Resolution Police

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:50

#19

dogstar

by a strange and wondeful coincidence, ms fish happens to be an anagram of fsimsh, the very noise made when one misses the loo. gentlemen, please feel free to research this, except of course a gentleman would NEVER miss...

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:53

#20

Tom Saunders

Must go and look at the resolution thread. Also must make a resolution not to stay up late and force innuendos on reformed characters.

Wed, 2002-01-02 00:57

#21

dogstar

but it's already the second of january. can't we put our resolutions behind us now?

Wed, 2002-01-02 01:04

#22

fish

yes tom ... thank you ... Inspector 90 from the Resolution Police is threatening me with HANDCUFFS!

Wed, 2002-01-02 01:16

#23

Primate

At least it's not his fire-hose

Wed, 2002-01-09 18:58

#24

Emily Dubberley

There was a club in Belgium (I think) that suffered from this problem in the gents. They painted flies on the urinal, knowing the men would try to piss the off (literally) Sure enough, it worked and their floors were considerably less soggy.

Sun, 2002-01-06 14:20

#25

aridayle

my younger brother has terrible trouble with aim when pissing. my personal theory is that men miss on purpose to get back at women for being able to sit down whilst pissing, and not worry about whoping anything out. Funniest thing ever seen: my best male friend peeing in the street one drunken night, without holding on to his john thomas. The spray was quite amazing

Sun, 2002-01-06 14:34

#26

Andrea

Could do with Best Male Friend's Spray to activate me compost heap...

Sun, 2002-01-06 15:00

#27

Tom Saunders

*hands Andrea a pair of protective goggles*

Wed, 2002-01-02 22:44

#28

new stormy

but what about his helmet?

Sun, 2002-01-06 18:08

#29

Andrea

Well, I was rather hoping he could aim, Tom.

Thu, 2002-01-03 02:00

#30

fish

new stormy seems remarkably indistinguishable from old stormy to me ...

Thu, 2002-01-03 02:04

#31

Liana

Yes, hurrah for that..can always rely on stormy :o)

Thu, 2002-01-03 02:14

#32

dr goats

even more reliable than panty liners? don't worry i'll get my goat

Sun, 2002-01-06 19:56

#33

Tom Saunders

*would like to remind Andrea of what the thread's called*

Thu, 2002-01-03 19:00

#34

Bart!

Sad

Thu, 2002-01-03 21:53

#35

Oh dear, it's a man thingy!! Always pissing in the wind!! PS As far as I'm informed a man can't pee with an erection, that's why they miss. Waits eagerly for an explanation!! AJ :>O

Thu, 2002-01-03 22:02

#36

Andrea

What's an erection (she asked innocently)? A distinct lack of 'em in Wales, I do assure you (whatever they are). Lots of sheep though. Never seen so many white, fluffy balls in all me born days... Seriously, AJ, you want it on the floor or the ceiling, dear? The floor's a bloody sight easier to clean... ANDREA'S TOP TIP FOR NEAR MISSES: Float a piccy of Maggie T in the bowl and tell 'em to aim...

Thu, 2002-01-03 22:15

#37

Wolfgirl

Which part of Wales are you in, Andrea? Welsh men are quite a feisty lot in the pub but a bit of a loss in the wooing department. However, all the sheep wear smiles. If you see smoke rising in a field in Wales, it'll be a postcoital Ewe lighting a Malborough. Enough said. Before you comment on my racism, I am in fact Welsh and therefore able to speak out against my fellow natives. I saw the Welsh men ..ran like hell and found a Frenchman...He definitely does not pee on the floor but does leave the seat up. As for the fire hose situation I umm will keep it under my hat. (Fish raises eyebrows at image).

Thu, 2002-01-03 22:16

#38

Liana

Andrea!!! *Mwah Mwah* How was your trip then?

Thu, 2002-01-03 22:38

#39

Karl Wiggins

Leaving the seat up is very bad Feng Shui, Wolfie. All your finances go down the toilet. True.

Thu, 2002-01-03 22:40

#40

Wolfgirl

Fooey to Shui. Finances peed away ages ago. Confucius he say, can no do any worse.

Thu, 2002-01-03 23:18

#41

dr goats

to pee with an erection simply find a good bit of distance and an absorbent carpet...

Mon, 2002-01-07 19:40

#42

aridayle

I dunno if it would do much for your compost heap Andrea. It certainly didn't impress the car park owner

Mon, 2002-01-07 21:32

#43

Andrea

Well, he probably wasn't trying to decompose at the time...

Fri, 2002-01-04 16:35

#44

Andrea

Not in Wales anymore, Wolfie, more's the pity. Back in pancakeland (as in bloody flat and sheepless). Had a FANTASTIC time, ta Liana (didn't manage to visit the Fish though - came down with a ghastly fluey thing 3 days before I was due to leave and had to run home). Can't say I noticed any feisty Welshman, unless they were masquerading as white, woolly quadrupeds. Just my luck. Either I should've spent more time in the boozer, or put me specs on... ANDREA'S SECOND TOP TIP FOR AVOIDING UNNECESSARY SPILLAGE: Live on yer own and give birth to girl children only...

Mon, 2002-01-07 22:43

#45

Linsi

My man does not piss on the floor, but what annoys me is when he puts both the toilet seat AND the toilet lid down after use. Its a shock to the system when visiting the loo in the middle of the night and not bothering to put the light on I can tell you!! :O)

Tue, 2002-01-08 08:08

#46

mississippi

I ALWAYS lower the seat and the lid after use, it's what they are for! I also always wash my hands after using the toilet, close cupboards and turn lights off when leaving a room, whether there are others in there or not! The pissing on the floor thing is more prevalent in the uncircumsised, young, and in later years, men with prostate problems, commonly known as 'dribbly dick'! There is also a small minority of males who take delight in pissing on the floor! I think it's something to do with marking ones territory, a bit like dogs pissing up anything that doesn't move. That's probably why virtually all of the constituent members of the House of Lords stink of piss!

Tue, 2002-01-08 18:56

#47

Andrea

*comes over all faint*

Tue, 2002-01-08 19:00

#48

aridayle

so what my friend was actually doing was saying 'this is MY carpark'?

Sat, 2002-01-05 00:07

#49

new stormy

read 'Bladdered' by ely whitley. if you are a man you know exactly what this piece is about. women can guess but will not truly understand the allied michevious workings of the penis and bladder. perhaps wee need a female version of this story? or one from someone who has seen both sides. any sex changers out there? sit down mississippi.

Sat, 2002-01-05 00:11

#50

new stormy

appo logies for thai po.

Tue, 2002-01-08 19:17

#51

Andrea

Gawd, that musta been some spray if he was!

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