RE: A Murky Mind

I liked it, but something about it jarred. The first paragraph especially. I think it's the sheer volume of metaphoric devices: sea of snot, powdery air, desert lungs, doggy-paddling between sleep and waking. While all these terms are delightful and fresh, it just doesn't ring true - I think they bely the first person narration. They just don't seem to suit the narrator. That aside, the story keeps the reader intrigued and thus hooked. Good stuff kerryb.