Growing old

More than often I'm frightened of old age. I know I am getting there. Certain daily occurrences, as trivial as they may seem, are quite strenuous to perform. I see the laundry van drive by my house, I see people walking past with zimmerframes, I see some with walking sticks or a crutch to lean on.
I live in a neighbourhood with many old age pensioners. I know what it's like to have nothing to do a lot of the time and to have too many thoughts that aren't encouraging. But I'd hate to lose the ability to do most things on my own. Like washing my clothes, doing the dishes, everything-it's all a game that I am slowly losing. I'm slow, slower than before, I'm grumpy, grumpier than before. I like the simple things- they give me immense satisfaction- things I would scorn when I was younger. I wish young people wouldn't look at old people the way they do but I did myself before. I hate it.I don't want to just sit around with nothing to do and memories that mostly aren't worth thinking about.

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We live on inspiration Stan and when we don't feel it life seems pretty hard. I go on this site to get inspiration but it doesn't always get through to my brain. I can't write anything meaningful at the moment and feel that all I have ever written is crap- I have decided not to look into the past too much- it is too depressing most of the time and really doesn't take me anywhere. I'm not sick of it- but I am sick of my writing. Mainly I feel pretty healthy but I am not doing anything to maintain a healthy body and mind. I don't know where to look for inspiration. I don't want to be 20 again or even 30 but yes I am frightened by old age.I don't feel that old yet. I can't believe I wrote this entry.