Growing old

More than often I'm frightened of old age. I know I am getting there. Certain daily occurrences, as trivial as they may seem, are quite strenuous to perform. I see the laundry van drive by my house, I see people walking past with zimmerframes, I see some with walking sticks or a crutch to lean on.
I live in a neighbourhood with many old age pensioners. I know what it's like to have nothing to do a lot of the time and to have too many thoughts that aren't encouraging. But I'd hate to lose the ability to do most things on my own. Like washing my clothes, doing the dishes, everything-it's all a game that I am slowly losing. I'm slow, slower than before, I'm grumpy, grumpier than before. I like the simple things- they give me immense satisfaction- things I would scorn when I was younger. I wish young people wouldn't look at old people the way they do but I did myself before. I hate it.I don't want to just sit around with nothing to do and memories that mostly aren't worth thinking about.


We live on inspiration Stan and when we don't feel it life seems pretty hard. I go on this site to get inspiration but it doesn't always get through to my brain. I can't write anything meaningful at the moment and feel that all I have ever written is crap- I have decided not to look into the past too much- it is too depressing most of the time and really doesn't take me anywhere. I'm not sick of it- but I am sick of my writing. Mainly I feel pretty healthy but I am not doing anything to maintain a healthy body and mind. I don't know where to look for inspiration. I don't want to be 20 again or even 30 but yes I am frightened by old age.I don't feel that old yet. I can't believe I wrote this entry.

Pia and Stan. I hope you don't have to reassess this entry to 18, but for fuck's sake. You are both talented writers with so much to say and if you didn't come to the site and post I would miss you. I know what you mean about the age thing. My other half is a nurse and she downloads enough to me to fill my mind with foreboding. I live in a block that is mainly inhabited by pensioners. They go beyond moaning. Nothing at all is good. They find fault everywhere they look. My mother is widowed, lonely and 250 miles away from me. I came to a conclusion: you have to have a dream - better still, a plan. A real one. You have to look after your body (in between poisoning it). And you have to see the positive. Yes, even as a "writer". Don't either of you be going any place soon. I like having you around. xx

Parson Thru

Thanks for yours. ;-)

Parson Thru