This is absolutley fantastic. Funny, fresh, original...from the end of the first paragraph I was hooked. The whole thing is wonderfully imaginative and brilliantly excecuted.
Just thought I'd point out a couple of things I noticed: 3rd paragraph, 3rd line, 'again' should be 'against', I think. And also, Starbucks is one word. Also this line:
'I'll hit you, damn it.' He threatened
Should be:
'I'll hit you, damn it,' he threatened.
God, I'm pedantic.