21st century manipulators / abusers

Abuse – to put to a wrong or improper use. To attack in words; to revile. To harm or injure by wrong or cruel treatment. (Penguin Dictionary)

Manipulation – to handle or operate skillfully. To control, exploit, or influence by artful, unfair, or insidious means, esp to one’s own advantage. (Penguin Dictionary)

When I write of ‘electronic devices’, I am writing about mobile-phones and their content, Tablets and their use, Ipads, laptops, computers, fitbits, Xboxes and the like as each can take on its own form of being the abuser / manipulator – the item dictating behaviour.

I am a big fan of Andy Stanley and his ways of explaining human behaviour. He is real and genuinely authentic in what he points out. In one of his presentations he speaks about “What makes you happy”. This being something that people around the world would love to know in many cases. Andy goes on to itemise the rational way in which “happiness” is gained, slowly, over time. I found his insights amazing, thought-provoking and completely true in all the angles I could work through. The opening point was this: “Happy people have:

  1. Peace with Themselves
  2. Peace with Others
  3. Peace with their Higher Power.”

Consequently, after having watched segments of the DVD, I ended up having a conversation with some of my Grade 8s. They were speaking about how they each have to have a psychologist because they can talk to psychologists. It followed on that they trust psychologists because they can’t talk to anyone else about their problems. This is truly a sad reflection of how broken human relationships are, that these children (12 -13 years old) have to pay someone R500.00 odd (or however much in your currency) an hour to “have someone to talk to”.

I told them that I remembered attending a conference a few years ago at a “Writer’s Festival” in Durban, South Africa, and in the plenary session of chatting with a couple of published authors, the question arose as to how the guy started his writing career. It turned out that his career was triggered when his friend from University committed suicide. The writer then said that in his circumstance he had a few options; one, would be to be negative for himself too. Two: would be to pay a ‘professional’ to talk to them about it, which he clarified that he would never do, because how can another human being truly know him, “all you are doing is paying to tell them something you could tell someone else for free”. Three: was to write about it. He said he simply took the healthiest option (my account is purely based on how my memory recalled the session). So I asked the grade 8s why they had to pay so much money to talk to someone, when they could talk to anyone and that was when the trust issue came up. Along with this another point arose: how they don’t want to appear weak around others and they don’t want to be ashamed for ‘having something wrong’ with themselves.

Granted, they are only grade 8, but still, that’s barely puberty and they already don’t trust the people nearest and dearest to them AND they feel judged and insecure around those who are nearest and dearest to them. This leads on to the direction that they cannot be “Happy”. Why?

  1. They have no peace with themselves, they can’t trust others and they are walking around with guilt, shame and a feeling that being weak is ‘abnormal’, ‘wrong’ and ‘a problem’; when any honest person should tell them ‘weak’ in this challenging world is to be expected. Every person I have engaged with across the world has shown that they are not always ‘strong’ or ‘in control’.
  2. They have no peace with others. You can’t be at peace with other human beings if your locus of control is them. If they are letting others dictate, judge and control their emotions like this, then they won’t ever have peace.
  3. They don’t have peace with a higher power. The truest, most faithful and beautiful higher powers are those faiths where the premise is based on grace and unconditional love. These grade 8s showed me that they don’t believe in Grace (forgiveness no matter what they have done or who they are) or unconditional love, because when you know unconditional love, you don’t feel shame or guilt, you feel peace and that peace creates an inner joy, ‘happiness’, that goes beyond human understanding.

In trying to relate to them and discuss it, the conversation went on to the ‘why’ they feel this distrust and low self-esteem and the like. They were horrified when I told them it was partly because of their lifestyles and their mobile phones.

“Miss! How can you say that?”

“Simple girls. Your self-worth is stuck in those machines. I have seen you lifting that phone and taking picture after picture of yourselves, and then deleting because you don’t like it. Every time the process gets longer and you reject each of those images of yourselves more and more. Then you finally post a Selfie of yourself, but then a few days later you don’t like it anymore, you don’t like that you anymore and you are changing it again (most likely because some other person didn’t ‘like’ the picture, or made a comment that changed your appreciation of yourself). Each photo you reject, each set of hours you take focusing on yourself is internally depressing you because you are not happy with yourself, and you are only focusing on yourself. Therefore you are focusing on ‘unhappy’.  Often the biggest cause of depression and the biggest reason people go into psychologists’ offices in the first place is often, not always, because they are suffering from intense selfishness (Tim LaHaye, 1992). When you wake up thinking of yourself, you are going to be miserable, because you don’t like the photos of yourself that’s why you take dozens and dozens, you don’t think you are ‘perfect’ enough…  and that’s another story that bothers me, girls; what are you comparing yourselves to? You are different to every single human being on the planet, thus there is only ONE you, and in order to be ‘perfect’ that means you have to be compared to something exactly the same as you and ‘be better’ than it, but another you doesn’t exist!?!? So you are a perfect you, yet you tell yourselves hundreds of times that you are not, for example: by all the Selfies you take and delete. You girls know very well that when you wake up thinking about other people, wanting to help other people and acting out in a loving way to others, that you have a much happier day. So I can say that I think your phones are part of the problem, because I watch you and I see that your misery, depression and insufficiency in yourself comes from the rubbish you watch on TV, the nonsense you Tweet and Facebook, and the way you let it all change who you are, how you feel and what you do with your day. It’s ridiculous to let some electronic devices manipulate you, and control your day and you.”

They looked at me, taking in all of my rant. As I slowed down, I started realising that I had probably over-stepped the mark, yet they said, “You are so right, Miss”.

Abuse – to put to a wrong or improper use.  Mobiles are taking over family time, one-on-one human interaction and learning inter-personal skills. If all courting is done via text or Watsapp, how can there be a personal marriage with real conversation? Electronic devices are used instead of having a family dinner. Never mind the now open door to sleep deprivation, pornography, gambling and relying on ‘likes’, ‘follows’ and replies to feel any self-worth or purpose.

To attack in words; to revile. School level cyber-bullying is scaring me as to the extent people; parents and learners use it to harm others, to be vindictive and nasty. The worst part of it is that it is a coward’s way to deal with nastiness, “I’m going to be nasty to you whilst I am far away from you, because I know it’s wrong and I know I don’t want people to see me as the problem”.

 To harm or injure by wrong or cruel treatment. Humans being on their phones, laptops and devices into the very early / late hours. Addiction to electronic devices creating rehab centres in Asia. Cyber-bullying. Pornography. Problems with spine deformations with the bad posture created when using some devices. Obesity rates in numerous countries are becoming worse and worse.

Manipulation – to handle or operate skillfully. Every school-going child knows fully well what their electronic devices can do.

To control, exploit, or influence by artful, unfair, or insidious means, esp to one’s own advantage. Emails that are received from marketers who have used electronic information from cards and purchase history to sell things electronically. Often selling items at times when the receivers of the marketing have no money; do not actually need the product and/or are manipulated into buying it. Advertising that attacks screens on all devices. Background music on specific electronic devices that insight particular emotions. Camera angles that create the exact mental and emotional manipulation that the director, editor and/or sponsor requires, especially if there is a number there to call…

Sitting from the outside, watching what is going on with these grade 8s (and humanity), seeing the desperation of a generation becoming more and more reliant on the external loci of Twitter, Instagam, Snapchat and all the rest to find their self-worth; as they ignorantly consume those means that will always leave them unfulfilled, unsatisfied and unhappy, makes my heart weep. The irony: I was told by a counsellor that the career of psychology has the highest number of anti-depressant consumers in the world. Seems to me that their jobs are going to get harder and society is supporting it in every way possible.

Comments

Wow! This is a long blog but well done for giving your school students a wake-up call of this kind.smiley

I feel like it has been ages since I comment-shared with you. I trust you are well.

Thanks so much for this feedback. This generational gap between the youth and the next decade seems to be huge these days, never mind my 2 decades past them. Sigh. Hopefully they will literally 'wake up' to the truths and beauty of the challeging real world and not just become zombies via some trans-creating electrical signal from a phone that leaves them hypnotised their whole lives :(

Have a blessed and joyful Festive Season :) $

 

So true ,well done.

M Storm

Thanks so much for this positive reinforcement.

Have a wonderfully blessed Festive Season :) $

 

I dont know if I trust very happy people and if that is actually a sign of right selfish so and so maybe is ok for kids but when u grow up is like We live in a world full of discrimination poverty war fear human right abuses and well every other fergin thing which makes person unhapppy. I just dont think the time is right for happyness. Maybe wait till we all help create a just world till we look for happyness. I not say be sad either but balanced but not happy. Im a libra though.

My brothers pain is my pain.

Or maybe im just turning into a bitter faced dour cnut and as usual I admit my anologys if that right word may be wrong and maybe im.just proper insane with a dedicated bed.waiting in the asylum.

#blushes#

Anology

Analagy

What I mean

Peace

Stephen d

Maybe I can take the bed in the next room ;)

I also don't feel 'sane', in what goes on in my mind and heart and all the rest when compared to others in this world; I have even had huge run in's with God / Spirit / Creator (use as you see fit) over it. God / Spirit / Creator led me to Kahlil Gibran and his writings that love and happiness is equal to the quantity of sadness, the same cup take both, the sadness empties it and the sadder you are, the deeper and more love that can replace it (hope that makes sense) .. his words:

http://www.katsandogz.com/onjoy.html 

Also - being me - I went the Biblical route too:

"Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is a lunatic and is very ill; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water." 

While Paul was saying this in his defense, Festus said in a loud voice, "Paul, you are out of your mind! Your great learning is driving you mad." But Paul said, "I am not out of my mind, most excellent Festus, but I utter words of sober truth."

Other generic quotes - The one dancing in the rain looks insane to the one who can't hear the music.

- To the insane person it is the sane person who is insane...

Hence in my inability to comprehend this world fill of all the nasty things that you mentioned, I have determined that it is all a mere clash of personal - selfish - perspective... the guys doing the raping of women / land / morals / truth etc, creating wars, have the perspective that greed and self-satisfaction and brokenness are what are important to them.... Those creating peace, serving, loving, giving and being kind, are those who believe that wholeness and peace and inner-joy are what are more important to them...

I am of the latter group - so the former appear insane to me... just as I appear insane to the former group... 

I showed my learners the DVD on "WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY" Andy Stanley; and they responded a lot like you have ... they asked me if I am "Happy"... and my reply was honest. Yes, I am when I am on my own in the silence of the night, my Soul has peace and joy in it's purpose and faith, when I step out of my own space and enter the world, No, I am not happy, I am sad for the others around me who have not chosen complete Peace within themselves - it breaks my heart how they are broken and not healed by awesome unconditional love... 

Hmmm... I guess my response got away with me, sorry Steve... you may have just wanted a one word "Thanks" ;)

So to cover that too - Thanks for your thougthful and honest response - I truly appreciate the empathy that you unwittingly (maybe) shared with me.

Take care and have a serendipitious Festive Season :) $

 

Your self-worth is stuck in those machines' Amen to that. 

 

I also feel like it has been ages since comment-sharing with you too.

I trust you are well.

I will DOUBLE your "Amen! To that" ... and maybe add a Lord, help us ;)

Have a beautiful and blessed Festive Season :) $