27 April 2014
Definition of PAP
1
8am. I doubt that you've taken much notice of 2 Popes going to Rome one of them Pope von Ribbentrop, to anoint Pope John as the patron saint of little boys nipples: my first thought was, 'where's a sniper when you need one?' Jeez, 2 popes in one hit, they'd probably make him a, um, a saint! OK, just for the sake of feminism it could be a hit woman. If I'm a womaniser and I am, what is the verb for a woman who sleeps around with many men? Slutiser? Maniser? The spielchecker is not working as it should, when I right-click on the word a small window normally comes up with several options with 'add to dictionary' being one of them. As I'm a genuine and giving kind of guy, I want to add to the dictionary's wealth of knowledge and click on that. This is now not happening, it gives spelling options none of them funny or it gives ignore once or ignore all.
Canonisation? I'd like to canonise them - out of an old cannon! They had a mildly interesting discussion on this morning about Tony Blair's assertion that Islam extremism is a major problem to the western world. Yes I agree but no more so than Christian extermism (?, now that's an appropriate typo) extremism is to the world. I suffered at the hands of Christian extremism, god having to sit through all those classes of mind-fuck games, telling me there was a man in the sky with long white hair and beard and wearing a white sheet. And the Priest then saying to me that if I wanted to go to the Queendom of heaven on this earth now, I was only to put my hand under his skirts and pull on his bell-end to hear the bells ringing. It used to make my hands all sticky but it was OK his wife used to lick them and me clean!
I've got my finger over the fuck it button. And I'm going to press it and I don't care. I did realise yesterday - yet again - that I have to have people around me, and not that twerp Linda who came round a couple of times, that if I'm to get any kind of sobriety I need to have if not someone here, but then somewhere to go on a daily basis. I have put ads in The Guardian before in their Soulmates online dating section, and met some very nice women and a few loonies, but it's all good source material. I once spilt tomato ketchup on my newspaper, I didn't get mad with myself as it was all good sauce material. BOOM BOOM!
And I've pressed the fuck it button so my words may well take on that cartoon wavy wispy look,
oh - that'll be me at this end. My foot is not as bad as it was, it's not much better but a smidgen better This may be because I took a Diclufenac and 2 Ibuprofens. My next post may well be from General Surgery after a perforated stomach lining. Smidgen: I love that word, it's kind of cuddly. Slightly worrying for me is that I can't seem to find some of my work that I saved to my flash drive, I'm going to mooch around some more.
Heard today 'yes there was antidotal evidence to support this' and she wasn't drunk. I think she meant anecdotal evidence. I did discover a word sacerdotal which apertains to the priesthood, it sounds almost onomatopoeic as in when an altar boy is choking on a priest's sermon.
25 April 2014
76 YEAR OLD GRANNY GOES ON SHOPPING SPREE BECAUSE SHE WAS BORED WITH BEING OLD!
I completely understand her. Can you shoplift a prostitute?
That's better! You wouldn't believe how long I've been buggering about trying to get the text to behave itself. I've just copied and pasted the title from Yahoo news, I wonder what sentence she got; if any. I'll go back and find out. The reason I found that is I lit upon a story about a nanny who stole from her employers for a couple of years. She had 'become part of the family' in their words and were aghast when it was found out through 'fizzogbook' that they saw her wearing the mother's expensive clothes. The dopey cow was shown wearing the clothes photographed by a friend. She has shown no remorse and with gay abandon itself throughout the trial. She got 2 years community service in a strip club and she'd stolen millions of pounds worth of clothes. The granny only stole a jelly baby and got sentenced to death and her body parts were sold to Saudi Arabia.
Oh where I come from in Oxfordshire, fizzog was slang for 'face.'
I've just had Emma Poon from a service called I CANT COPE and she has the same kind of voice as Julia Mullins from CAS, 'very soft very caring' and yes I'm being sarcastic. I gave her short shrift and said 'thanks but no thanks' and then put the phone down. When someone's being so soft and and almost cuddly I feel that they're hiding great rage, very much like Psycho Sue. When talking to her you'd never believe that she'd become this crazed maniac after a few glasses of wine! It's called and - with good reason - passive aggressive. There was a young woman who was speaking - sorry sharing - at an AA meeting and she was basically whispering. It moved someone to say "can you speak up please I can't hear you!" She raised her voice for a few seconds and then returned to the whispering (ah I've just had a thought) making us all crane our eardrums towards her. Which is a very controlling action.
I wrote some time ago why whispering in ads incensed me beyond reason, I think that's part of it.
ICOPE is a therapy service run by Camden in London. CAS is Camden Alcohol Services.
Noon. I've just been watching a programme called Solved about a woman Melanie McGuire who killed her husband. She's the spitting image of Mary Mastrantonio an actor I've admired until she got old. I've just googled both and it's the same person or twins separated at birth. Mind you there's quite good news for Melanie McGuire, she'll be released when she's 102.
22 April 2014
There's a report from the UN about sexism around the world and Britain was found to be the most sexist in the world. Brilliant! And how long did the woman who compiled this report stay in this country to come to her findings? 16 days. I wonder if she went around the world in 80 days? I think if she'd have spent 16 years here she might get a real feeling for this society. Did she go to Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan or one of those countries that practise overt sexism? No? Why? Oh she might well have been killed just for not wearing a scarf covering her hair. Dopey cow! Yes we have a long way to go, women earn less generally speaking than men doing the same job and many other things that I can't think of at the moment. But what a shallow report like this does is muddy the waters and is unhelpful.
Lijia my Portuguese cleaner who rather thrust herself on me when she came around for her first visit. Well I thrust myself into her as she made it quite plain that she was in the market. She said that her ex-husband was also a recovering alcoholic when I lied that I was. I thought ‘brilliant, I get a co-dependant cleaner who wants to have sex with me.’ Result! Anyhoo: after her second glass of wine she thrust those ruby red lips around my personage or if you’re being common – my nob! And we took it from there or rather she took it with a gulp!
Fantastic; I get a cleaner and a hooker for £10 an hour!
They've just gone out to get my laundry and I'm bereft, no and not for Lijia. In the spirit of Voltaire 'from your asides I will know you'
I saw Lijia saying to Oriana "oh because you are so clever!" I don't know what this was in relation to but if every picture tells a story then an aside speaks volumes.
Lijia has obviously been told that Oriana is very bright and should be aiming at going to university. Lijia also said that she has her own interpreter as Oriana constantly has to tell people what her mother means, as she did here today. She also has the most unfemale like eyelashes which are normally like my nob, short and stubbly, they're uncommonly long. Most women would die to have eyelashes like that, she came up to me as I was sitting here at my computer, showing me images of her cat on her phone/ipad/computery what-not doofer thingy. For you girls that’s a technical term.
She was leaning on my shoulder and flicking through all these hundreds of images that she had, and she has the deepest blue eyes with those ridiculously long eyelashes, and I thought 'holy crap, she's going to be 6' tall and very beautiful, and at 15 her mum is going to have to get a gun to protect her from all those teen suitors that will be harassing her.'
I said to Lijia about her eyelashes that it was very uncommon and my son David also had very long eyelashes. And we started talking talk about kids and how they change and how two siblings can be so different from one another. The funny thing was that Oriana was trying to shoo flies out from the flat as she opens the balcony door wide open and flies start to fly in. Lijia said "oh I'll get rid of them." Oriana said "no - you're not using fly spray on them!" So she started trying to shoo these flies out: oh she's priceless!
Feartbleed.
April 19th '14.
I was up early and it's a beautiful morning and I don't have any fear of losing a loved one or family in a submerged plane or ferry, so I should be grateful for my lot eh? WRONG! My fucking foot hurts as does my jaw. Yes it's war war not jaw jaw in my body.
I've had my breakfast of NSAIDs and hope to be if not pain free then painless in about an hour. The title refers to the Heartbleed virus which has apparently infected Yahoo and I now have to change my password. Bum! I hate change.
Oh there was a great item on QI last night. This is a show which I've written about before hosted by Stephen Fry, the title refers to Quite Interesting. There was talk of a version of this in America I don't know how that's going. Anyhoo: Fry said that a pub in a picturesque village in Bucolicshire called The Wig & Pen, had been closed for refurbishment for quite some time. The pub's management thought it a good idea to have a plaque on the outside announcing the fact that The Wig & Pen Is Now Open For Business. I guess wig & pen refers to the fact that back in ye olden times (the 1980s) the pub had been frequented by lawyers. The man or woman Stone Mason charged with the task of stone masoning this, was either a wag or dim or both. The carved message appeared as: THE WIG AND PENIS OPEN FOR BUSINESS. Oh how I larfed: or didn't.
9am. My jaw has stopped hurting thank you farm ecology. Not my foot though, even putting a frozen bag of peas has any effect. In my tennis playing days I had a load of muscle injuries and the ice pack did its job. I've been icing my foot but it makes no difference, which makes me believe that there's a fracture. I'll find out later although I know I'll be there for hours. I've just seen on the news that 2 junctions have had a serious crash on the M6. That's what it said. 'The M6 has been closed due to a serious crash between junction's 5 & 6.' I guess they're a result of the contra-flow systems between junctions.
April 13st. '14
I'm getting ready for the London marathon and I'm exhausted before I start. I've been up and down for teas and coffee and out for pastries to prepare; well I need carbs for the long haul, it's exhausting raising my recliner up and down. I'm in the middle of watching Shrek 3 which is very funny, and before you lambast me for watching kiddy films I'll remind you of what Oscar Wilde almost said 'There are no good films or bad films, there are only well made films and badly made films.' This: although animation, is very funny and lampoons that whole yoof sub-culture that speaks in algorithms. As in 'like, actually, todally, what everrrr, eeuw' brigade that is well-heeled upper crust teen America. "It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances," That was him again.
It's very hot out and if this keeps up it'll be the hottest April since Aprils began. It'll certainly be over 70f in the sun which will be most of my walk down to Camden and considering the pain in my foot, I maybe shouldn't do it. I've finally decided to be sensible and not risk exacerbating the problem, I'm not going to go to A&E as that would mean a 4 hour wait on a Sunday, just to be told that no there isn't a fracture you've just damaged the metatarsal muscles. They'll then tell me to rest, take shit-loads of anti-inflammatory drugs ice my foot and drink loads of alcohol. They'll only tell me some of that.
I've eaten two chocolate crispy bars for brunch and just now two scrummy pastries. The spellchecker wants to call them scummy. Maybe it knows something I don't
The title is the number of phones lost down Britain's lavatories every year. I'm always suspicious of these kinds of statistics as you'll note that it's not 850,001 phones or 849,999 phones lost and how did they find these statistics? I had been thinking of photographing the numbers of my dvdr display, starting at 000:00:001 all the way through the permutations and ending at 222:22:22 then framing them in an antique frame and selling it to The Tate Modern for a squillion squids. I then realised I'd never be able to get above 55:55:55 for obvious reasons. Me 'ed 'urts. Oh the dvdr only goes up to 288 hours of recording time available. So--- the display would only show 279:59:59 what does it do then - explode?
2.30pm. I'm in the ad. break of Black Swan and I almost deleted it, possibly because I've got about 18 hours of recorded TV to watch, but probably because of the 2 bottles of non-essential vitals I drank last night. I find it hard to concentrate when I'm like this. Mind you the film has picked up as the character dives into madness. 'Dives' - geddit - Swan dive!' It's basically a horror film, a high class horror film which doesn't mean that it's necessarily good, but a horror film nonetheless. It's not as good as Psycho but what horror film is? I just typo'd Psycho and pressed the u next to the y and came up with Psucho which now will be my new name for Psycho Sue. Psucho Sue.
4.45pm. I'm just off to the doctor and I don't know if he'll send me for an x-ray, the hospital is just around the corner from the hospital and it's tempting to just go and get it over and done with. But Lijia and her daughter will be coming around tomorrow and I may go then. Stupidiculously small!
7pm. Gout? Gout!?! I'm not a 70 year old port swilling retired Colonel! I'm a wine swilling retired rock drummer for pity's sake! But it might be fractured.
April 18th.
Comments
Been a while since I saw your
Been a while since I saw your name about the site, Styx! Pleased to hear you're still drumming to your own beat, haha. My husband has gout as well, diagnosed at 35ish. Not a drinker. Probably eats too much meat. Actually just one of those things. Hope you get meds to get it under control.